The winner of the Cushy Job Man (CJM) title in 2017 is Horace Snorely. He narrowly edged Benjamin Broadhead. For those of you unaware, this competition has secretly been going on for years as people in corporate America figure out ways to kill time, do pointless work, and ultimately not contribute to the bottom line.
The competition is open. But few know of this unique club. Hidden beneath layers of bureaucracy, it’s only those strongly seeking the CJM title who network their way into the annual race who have any chance to win. It takes effort to pull off the CJM award.
Let’s take a look at Snorely and Broadhead from this past year. Both are seasoned competitors, having won the title frequently in years past, typically running against a third entrant, Dick Uhround.
Entrants must submit to the judge five components of their job that factors into positive CJM status. They also submit three mitigating factors where they have to work extra hard, thus offsetting CJM components.
Broadhead, for example, had the following specs this past year: Massive time off and paid holidays; a long leash from his boss; he gets to choose projects that he likes; he has a pension; and he has an awesome 401K program. His offsets: He must manage people; he has a gnawing sense of doing insignificant work; he must work some nights and weekends (egads!).
Snorely’s application included the following: Working from home, he can set up shop wherever he likes; no management looking over his shoulder; takes naps most days; establishes his own work schedule; significant paid time off (PTO). His offsets: He has one difficult customer (whoopee!); he does the work of 1.5 people; although no one looks over his shoulder, when he does need help, there is none to be found.
This was a tough call. The judge had to factor in who wastes time most effectively, who is not held accountable, who can do whatever he wants on a daily basis, and ultimately still be (at a minimum) reasonably compensated. The competition began over 20 years ago, as a small core group of professional colleagues witnessed repeated wasteful meetings, work that never contributed to the bottom line, coworkers planning vacations and parties on company time, and fellow employees being promoted who did nothing to help the business profit. CJM was born.
The judge’s findings: Snorely won 2017 fairly handily:
The competitors matched up closely when it came to occasionally having to work weekends and evenings. And Snorely had a huge negative when it came to having to do the work of 1.5 people. Ultimately, the judge decided the DWTHHW factor (Do Whatever The Heck He Wants) for Snorely won out. “He’s a master with years of experience,” the judge observed.
To recapture the crown, Broadhead must delegate duties to trusted staff so they manage his people and he only has to give a cursory annual review to those trusted Lieutenants. He must also find a better place to nap.
If you’d like to be considered for the 2018 CJM competition, please send me an email. You must be monitored throughout the year and file your application in December of 2018.
The competition is open. But few know of this unique club. Hidden beneath layers of bureaucracy, it’s only those strongly seeking the CJM title who network their way into the annual race who have any chance to win. It takes effort to pull off the CJM award.
Let’s take a look at Snorely and Broadhead from this past year. Both are seasoned competitors, having won the title frequently in years past, typically running against a third entrant, Dick Uhround.
Entrants must submit to the judge five components of their job that factors into positive CJM status. They also submit three mitigating factors where they have to work extra hard, thus offsetting CJM components.
Broadhead, for example, had the following specs this past year: Massive time off and paid holidays; a long leash from his boss; he gets to choose projects that he likes; he has a pension; and he has an awesome 401K program. His offsets: He must manage people; he has a gnawing sense of doing insignificant work; he must work some nights and weekends (egads!).
Snorely’s application included the following: Working from home, he can set up shop wherever he likes; no management looking over his shoulder; takes naps most days; establishes his own work schedule; significant paid time off (PTO). His offsets: He has one difficult customer (whoopee!); he does the work of 1.5 people; although no one looks over his shoulder, when he does need help, there is none to be found.
This was a tough call. The judge had to factor in who wastes time most effectively, who is not held accountable, who can do whatever he wants on a daily basis, and ultimately still be (at a minimum) reasonably compensated. The competition began over 20 years ago, as a small core group of professional colleagues witnessed repeated wasteful meetings, work that never contributed to the bottom line, coworkers planning vacations and parties on company time, and fellow employees being promoted who did nothing to help the business profit. CJM was born.
The judge’s findings: Snorely won 2017 fairly handily:
- Doesn’t have to manage people
- Can nap whenever (Broadhead must do it in his car over lunch)
- No “over the shoulder” management a huge plus
The competitors matched up closely when it came to occasionally having to work weekends and evenings. And Snorely had a huge negative when it came to having to do the work of 1.5 people. Ultimately, the judge decided the DWTHHW factor (Do Whatever The Heck He Wants) for Snorely won out. “He’s a master with years of experience,” the judge observed.
To recapture the crown, Broadhead must delegate duties to trusted staff so they manage his people and he only has to give a cursory annual review to those trusted Lieutenants. He must also find a better place to nap.
If you’d like to be considered for the 2018 CJM competition, please send me an email. You must be monitored throughout the year and file your application in December of 2018.
