A couple of weeks back, I was emailing a good friend and he wrote something amusing that was also thought-provoking: Exchange all prescription medications for placebos in the U.S. and see if there is a noticeable improvement in health and behavior in society.
His statement came about because of a discussion we were having about an acquaintance who is prescribed far too many pills. Without exaggeration, this person takes over 10 that we know of and most likely between 15 and 20 daily since we don’t have full knowledge from the various doctors who do the writing.
Our email conversation revolved around the patient not getting any better, and in fact, most likely being worse off because of the interaction of the various drugs. No one can know how that many different chemicals can stew in the brain and react with each other.
You might get sleepy. You may become unable to form words. You could stop thinking. It’s possible you’d start stumbling around. Those are some basics which go beyond the warnings on each prescription which include the usual litany of “could ….. cause hives, nausea, sleepiness, rash, throat swelling, temporary blindness, swelling in the big toe, nose enlargement, expanding gaps between your two front teeth, sagging buttocks, an inability to stand straight, and the disappearance of thumbnails the third Sunday after beginning the pill therapy.”
Seriously, you’ve heard a few warnings almost that strange. When you throw together a bunch of prescription meds, who the heck knows what’s gonna happen?
“So, why not just prescribe placebos?,” we decided. If someone has to take that many pills, he’s probably not getting good results from any of them, so turn them back in at the next local drug pickup and doctors should start handing out one pill, with a positive statement: “Here, take this, it will solve all your problems. You’ll run faster, jump higher, sleep better, have increased sex drive, never get the flu, lose weight, improve your hearing and be able to see through walls if you concentrate extremely hard.”
We figured this is part of a winning Presidential Platform for 2020. “Placebos for Everyone.” Who can be unhappy with that slogan? Everyone will feel better. That’s a good first plank for the platform.
If that doesn’t wrap up the vote for whoever chooses to contend, then we came up with a few more:
His statement came about because of a discussion we were having about an acquaintance who is prescribed far too many pills. Without exaggeration, this person takes over 10 that we know of and most likely between 15 and 20 daily since we don’t have full knowledge from the various doctors who do the writing.
Our email conversation revolved around the patient not getting any better, and in fact, most likely being worse off because of the interaction of the various drugs. No one can know how that many different chemicals can stew in the brain and react with each other.
You might get sleepy. You may become unable to form words. You could stop thinking. It’s possible you’d start stumbling around. Those are some basics which go beyond the warnings on each prescription which include the usual litany of “could ….. cause hives, nausea, sleepiness, rash, throat swelling, temporary blindness, swelling in the big toe, nose enlargement, expanding gaps between your two front teeth, sagging buttocks, an inability to stand straight, and the disappearance of thumbnails the third Sunday after beginning the pill therapy.”
Seriously, you’ve heard a few warnings almost that strange. When you throw together a bunch of prescription meds, who the heck knows what’s gonna happen?
“So, why not just prescribe placebos?,” we decided. If someone has to take that many pills, he’s probably not getting good results from any of them, so turn them back in at the next local drug pickup and doctors should start handing out one pill, with a positive statement: “Here, take this, it will solve all your problems. You’ll run faster, jump higher, sleep better, have increased sex drive, never get the flu, lose weight, improve your hearing and be able to see through walls if you concentrate extremely hard.”
We figured this is part of a winning Presidential Platform for 2020. “Placebos for Everyone.” Who can be unhappy with that slogan? Everyone will feel better. That’s a good first plank for the platform.
If that doesn’t wrap up the vote for whoever chooses to contend, then we came up with a few more:
- Every citizen must pick up litter for one hour a week. You can choose the time and place. You get to report your neighbor if you see he’s not participating.
- Plank three of a winning campaign includes forgiving your neighbor.
- Geothermal energy systems in all new construction is mandated.
- All new vehicles must be hybrids or electric.
- Friday night bowling is mandatory. Everyone must laugh at least twice during the evening or you’re not allowed to go home.
- For pain management, everyone must use cryotherapy and practice yoga. People will lose weight, decrease their pain levels, increase their concentration and stop being so angry.
- The final plank in the platform is to ban carbohydrates for anyone under the age of 16. I forget why we picked this age. Maybe because childhood obesity is such an epidemic in the U.S.
