A good friend and professional colleague related an intriguing story this week:  Someone came to him with a piece of business writing.  It came across as ponderous, long and pointless.  The communication meandered.  The individual wanted help from my friend on how to clean up his piece of writing and make it more useful to the readers.

The advice my friend gave was simple:  Start with the important stuff.  If you have a journalism background, you know what this means:  Ask who, what, when, where and why and put that information at the beginning of your communication. People want to know what is going on.  Give it to them.  The rest of the stuff is just details.  If they want more, they’ll read on.  If not, you’ve given them everything they need in the first 3-4 sentences.

Many people who write in a business environment tend to forget this lesson.  They write to make the communication sound important or complex, and they end up confusing the reader or turning him/her off.  That’s the last thing you want.  You want your readers to understand the message and seek out more information, if at all possible.

Don’t over-write.  In fact, under-write when you can.  We are all busy in today’s world.  As my buddy said, it’s like everyone faces a tidal wave information and duties coming at them in their daily work lives.  Your ability to take a piece of communication and give your readers something quick and useful with core messages/points at the beginning is helpful.  It also makes your writing job easier.

Follow the pyramid.  Start with the basic important stuff.  Expand towards the bottom.  Add details as you go on.    

In a college business writing class, we got an assignment from the professor to put a letter together and write it without the pronoun “I.”  It could have been a proposal or a letter to a prospective boss seeking employment.  It’s tough to remember the exact communication piece.  What lodges in the memory bank was the goal to eliminate “I” and how hard it was to do, and once finished, how much better it made the final product.

Try it on your own.  Think about a customer letter, a piece of marketing, a report you pen to your boss.  There are many opportunities to insert an “I.”  

Take for example, this note:  “Jerry:  I’ve been working on this project for three months now and want to give you a quick update.  Our team put together three options, and I want to explain them to you so you can do an in-depth analysis, and select the best choice.  I look forward to hearing back from you and providing any additional information necessary.” 

You can make that a longer example, adding more “I’s” and then find ways to change the language so it is not self-referential.  This one could be revised as follows:  “Jerry:  Our three-month project report is now ready for your review.  We developed three options for your analysis and decision.  Please let us know if you need additional information.”

There are several things accomplished by eliminating “I.”  1) In general, you get to the point more directly.  2) The communication is not about you (it never should be). 3) You are forced to look at things from a team perspective, which is the way most projects are accomplished.  And, 4) removing the “I” forces you out of your language comfort zone, looking at more creative ways to deliver your message.

Set up some exercises for yourself.  Go through examples of your business writing and edit several pieces to rid the “I’s.”  Read it out loud to yourself to see how it sounds.  You should find the readability and flow improve.  It’s a good practice to improve your writing skills.

One of the most important results you get from good business writing (or any kind, for that matter) is a connection with your audience.  They understand and relate to what you wrote.  They get the message and act on it.

Your goal should be about making that connection, not directing or “telling” your audience what to do.  When writing (or a verbal presentation) strays into the territory of lecturing the reader, what do most of us do?  We turn off and tune out.  We stop reading or listening.

That’s not good, and it’s the last thing you want if you are pushing a new product, modifying an internal process or making significant personnel changes to improve the direction of your company.  You seek buy-in.

Go through your communications in these instances and examine the tone of the documents put together for employees.  Strive for a conversation instead of “let me tell you what to do” perspective.  The voice should be inclusive and open.  

I had a coworker years ago whose favorite phrase was, “Let me tell you want to do.”  Guess what?  That was the last thing we always did.  

Though his situation revolved around the spoken word, the principle applies to the written one as well:  Ask questions to determine the landscape.  Lay out the options.  Explain why the decision was made.  Remain open and responsive to feedback.

It’s another quick step to help you in your leadership role, improve communications and gain support from your team for your objectives.

I’ve often wondered why it is so difficult to write a clear job posting.  Companies should spend more time aligning what they want a new employee to accomplish in a position.  Instead, if often seems they spend more time adding obfuscating details that make any prospective applicants think there is no human on the planet who could even understand the job, much less meet all the qualifications.

Like many other business communications, I suggest simplification of the job description to make it clearer.  Shortening the number of words forces you to think about what you really need done in the job and what talents/skills/qualities the applicant needs to have to be most effective in the position advertised.  Don’t add big words just to make the job sound sexy or complicated.  Something that sounds complicated typically is, and you scare people off that way.

If your objective is to limit the number of applicants by making them feel they are incapable of handling all the duties, then by all means writing a lengthy, complicated, dense job description, and see the type of applicants you get.  If, instead, you want to get people eager to work for you and show you what they can do, then take out the jargon, limit the number of duties you seek, and list specific duties (avoid those generalities or process descriptions).

Here’s what this written change accomplishes for your business:  You look better.  You come across as a company that knows what it is doing and how to get there.  People WANT to come work for you because they understand what is expected of them.  Knowing your role and how you fit into the big picture are huge issues for any company given the complexities of information and technology that affect so many jobs today.  Give an applicant a clear picture of the job posting, and they get a better sense of your brand, culture, products and direction.

Don’t neglect the writing process on job postings.  Use a writing expert, and your ability to attract talent increases.