A couple of weeks back, I started driving to the baseball games in our 62+ league with another guy on our team. We’ve known each other for four years. During that time, you play catch, take batting practice, cheer each other on during the game, shoot the breeze in the dugout about serious and not-so-serious topics.
It’s one way you get to know a person – playing sports. Competing together on a team is a lot of fun, and I’ve always enjoyed the camaraderie.
A major reason I decided to play baseball again at this stage of my life was to meet new people and make new friends (I also play on a 55+ age bracket team). You slowly get to know your teammates, their idiosyncrasies, how they tell jokes, how serious they are, whether they listen to what you say, whether they are a space cadet. Hanging in the dugout together teaches you those things.
But had I developed “friendships” after four years? Probably not. Since starting to drive to games recently with the one teammate mentioned above (I will call him “M”), that bond has grown and we know much more about each other, our lives and those of our families. It got me pondering on how friendship develops and how long it takes before you really get to know someone if you don’t interact consistently with that person over an extended period of time.
The conclusion, as I look back on periods of my life having moved to a new area, is that it takes about four years to really call someone a close friend. You can be “friendly,” but that’s not the same.
Much intervenes. When you have kids at home, you are focused on raising them properly and others you know (outside of immediate family) take a back seat as you focus on doing your best as a parent. My wife and I are past that stage of life, so the ability to hang out with others has increased, but you still must have the energy and desire to put into meeting new people and forums which interest you and other individuals – having those common interests that help you bond.
As I look back on my younger years, our family moved from northern New Jersey to Kankakee, IL for the start of my high school year. Through your classes and extracurricular activities, you are put into situations where you consistently see students your age. The ones who tend to befriend you when you are the newcomer have typically not turned out to be the ones who become long-term friends. That takes more time.
Instead, the kids who befriended me (and probably my two brothers) early on were those who didn’t have too many friends themselves. Being the newcomer, the tend approach you sooner. You hang out, get to know them, spend some time together and then slowly expand your reach. You come in contact with others who share more of your interests and slowly you start to hang out with them.
Looking back, this winnowing/adjustment period takes well over two years. In the second to fourth year after a move, you slowly start to assimilate with others who share interests that build deeper friendship bonds.
It’s a funny thing, and it took driving in the car with M to the games as we had one-on-one time to listen, focus, pay attention, ask questions, where we’ve raised our time together from “friendly” to “friendship.” And it was just about the same as that high school timeframe period of adjustment – four years.
It’s one way you get to know a person – playing sports. Competing together on a team is a lot of fun, and I’ve always enjoyed the camaraderie.
A major reason I decided to play baseball again at this stage of my life was to meet new people and make new friends (I also play on a 55+ age bracket team). You slowly get to know your teammates, their idiosyncrasies, how they tell jokes, how serious they are, whether they listen to what you say, whether they are a space cadet. Hanging in the dugout together teaches you those things.
But had I developed “friendships” after four years? Probably not. Since starting to drive to games recently with the one teammate mentioned above (I will call him “M”), that bond has grown and we know much more about each other, our lives and those of our families. It got me pondering on how friendship develops and how long it takes before you really get to know someone if you don’t interact consistently with that person over an extended period of time.
The conclusion, as I look back on periods of my life having moved to a new area, is that it takes about four years to really call someone a close friend. You can be “friendly,” but that’s not the same.
Much intervenes. When you have kids at home, you are focused on raising them properly and others you know (outside of immediate family) take a back seat as you focus on doing your best as a parent. My wife and I are past that stage of life, so the ability to hang out with others has increased, but you still must have the energy and desire to put into meeting new people and forums which interest you and other individuals – having those common interests that help you bond.
As I look back on my younger years, our family moved from northern New Jersey to Kankakee, IL for the start of my high school year. Through your classes and extracurricular activities, you are put into situations where you consistently see students your age. The ones who tend to befriend you when you are the newcomer have typically not turned out to be the ones who become long-term friends. That takes more time.
Instead, the kids who befriended me (and probably my two brothers) early on were those who didn’t have too many friends themselves. Being the newcomer, the tend approach you sooner. You hang out, get to know them, spend some time together and then slowly expand your reach. You come in contact with others who share more of your interests and slowly you start to hang out with them.
Looking back, this winnowing/adjustment period takes well over two years. In the second to fourth year after a move, you slowly start to assimilate with others who share interests that build deeper friendship bonds.
It’s a funny thing, and it took driving in the car with M to the games as we had one-on-one time to listen, focus, pay attention, ask questions, where we’ve raised our time together from “friendly” to “friendship.” And it was just about the same as that high school timeframe period of adjustment – four years.