A lot has been written over the past 5-10 years about emotionally irate parents who go to the sporting events of their offspring and choose to rant at the officials blowing the whistles, throwing the flags or making the balls and strikes calls. The theme that runs through many of these news stories is that the behavior of these parents is leading to a nationwide shortage of sports officials.
This past weekend, I had the privilege to serve as a clinician at a basketball referee camp in Lancaster, PA, helping officials with constructive feedback to improve the skill sets and potentially rise to a level where they get the opportunity to work DII or DIII college basketball that. That meant a LOT of basketball games over two days, tired kids, worn out officials, cranky parents. A toxic brew for a parent to mouth off. For the most part that did not happen.
This column is not about out-of-control parents. Instead, it’s about how to deal with people who can go crazy over a game and cause problems for game management, officials, players and even coaches. This is not a recipe. But, it is a good story.
We were at the next-to-last game Saturday night. Two opponents – big, fast, strong and physical – were playing each other. A lot of fouls had been called. Most people in the gym were probably ready to go to bed. One mother decided she wanted to tell us what to do as we sat on the sidelines, observing, taking notes to give feedback to the three officials on the court so that they build their skill sets and become better officials in the years ahead.
She approached my co-clinician and me, telling us in no uncertain terms that the officials were not calling enough fouls, that too much contact was occurring AND that the game was taking too long. The contradiction of those concepts (calling more fouls causes the game to go longer, so reducing the foul count would cause even more contact, something she did not want) caused us to look at each other with wry smiles. She asked us if we were the ones observing before she went on this tirade. We acknowledged this, yes.
When someone goes off like this, it’s typically about blowing off steam. In today’s world you must be very careful in how you handle these emotionally charged situations.
She stood there, giving us the evil eye. My teammate on the sidelines said, “Thank you.”
I looked at her. She glared.
Again, he said, “Thank you.”
No response.
In a firm voice, he said “thank you” a third time. She huffed off.
I’m not sure if my partner had that practiced response or it came off the top of the head, but it worked perfectly, and I will remember it for myself for future use. I learn all the time in these situations how to defuse angry, frustrated, emotionally-on-edge people who want to be heard. It’s difficult. It can be tense. But, with training and examples like I got from my partner that night, you can be much better prepared for the next time.
All of us need more of these tools in today’s world, where too many people appear on edge because of perceived slights. Saying “thank you” can go a long way towards defusing these potential confrontations.
This past weekend, I had the privilege to serve as a clinician at a basketball referee camp in Lancaster, PA, helping officials with constructive feedback to improve the skill sets and potentially rise to a level where they get the opportunity to work DII or DIII college basketball that. That meant a LOT of basketball games over two days, tired kids, worn out officials, cranky parents. A toxic brew for a parent to mouth off. For the most part that did not happen.
This column is not about out-of-control parents. Instead, it’s about how to deal with people who can go crazy over a game and cause problems for game management, officials, players and even coaches. This is not a recipe. But, it is a good story.
We were at the next-to-last game Saturday night. Two opponents – big, fast, strong and physical – were playing each other. A lot of fouls had been called. Most people in the gym were probably ready to go to bed. One mother decided she wanted to tell us what to do as we sat on the sidelines, observing, taking notes to give feedback to the three officials on the court so that they build their skill sets and become better officials in the years ahead.
She approached my co-clinician and me, telling us in no uncertain terms that the officials were not calling enough fouls, that too much contact was occurring AND that the game was taking too long. The contradiction of those concepts (calling more fouls causes the game to go longer, so reducing the foul count would cause even more contact, something she did not want) caused us to look at each other with wry smiles. She asked us if we were the ones observing before she went on this tirade. We acknowledged this, yes.
When someone goes off like this, it’s typically about blowing off steam. In today’s world you must be very careful in how you handle these emotionally charged situations.
She stood there, giving us the evil eye. My teammate on the sidelines said, “Thank you.”
I looked at her. She glared.
Again, he said, “Thank you.”
No response.
In a firm voice, he said “thank you” a third time. She huffed off.
I’m not sure if my partner had that practiced response or it came off the top of the head, but it worked perfectly, and I will remember it for myself for future use. I learn all the time in these situations how to defuse angry, frustrated, emotionally-on-edge people who want to be heard. It’s difficult. It can be tense. But, with training and examples like I got from my partner that night, you can be much better prepared for the next time.
All of us need more of these tools in today’s world, where too many people appear on edge because of perceived slights. Saying “thank you” can go a long way towards defusing these potential confrontations.