Driving past a local Lutheran school last week, the person who owns the adjacent land created a huge pile of trees and brush, then set it ablaze. It rained that night. The next morning, it continued to smolder. Those were tough carbon-based life forms to extinguish.
Seeing the smoke reminded me of a newly suggested method to get rid of tough roots from your yard, like diseased rose bushes or trees that send their tentacles far and wide to find water. Those suckers are tough. They spend a lot of time worming their way through the earth to get every last drop of water, so I guess it stands to reason that they’re not going to give themselves up easily.
Two friends of mine suggested smoking them out. Pour some gasoline on those bastards and toss the match in. Watch them burn.
If you hate digging out deeply rooted tree stumps, drill a bunch of holes in the stump, soak it in kerosene and light that baby up! The neighbors will talk about the “burning bush” for years.
But seriously, there is some merit to this. Beyond easing your physical labor needs, burning the roots gives an opportunity to start a new business: Root-smoke barbecue. This is already a delicacy in many countries around the world that have root problems. They figured out long before us slowpokes in the United States that you can cook meat in burning earth. In fact, if I remember some roasting sessions with friends who served in the Peace Corps, there are very specific methods used to wrap certain meats, then putting them back into the earth to be covered up and cooked.
The meat comes out smoked, tender and tasty. They’ve got the method down.
This may not fly in the suburbs. The neighbors may wonder if you’re digging up a body in the backyard. SOmake sure you tell them you’re starting a new barbecuing technique, and invite them over to sample your wares later in the day after a few cocktails. That will loosen up the conversation and hopefully everyone will overlook the smoke you’re pouring into the atmosphere.
The tree stump burning removal method has actually worked according to one of my good friends. He set the stump ablaze, and it burned for about 30 minutes. Then it smoked for 3 days! Actually, I’m lying. It only smoked for 3 hours, according to his email, but 3 days sounded more amusing.
Three hours is enough to cook most meat. Think root roasted barbecued pork ribs. MMMMMMMNMM!!
Lather them up in your favorite sauce. Wrap them in aluminum foil. Test the heat of the burning/smoldering roots. Toss the rack in the dirt pit. Cover them up with some dirt. See how they come out in a few hours. If they aren’t cooked, have some Cole slaw for dinner.
If you don’t think covering them up with the burning roots in the pit with dirt will work, perhaps place them on top of the smoking tree stump. You’ll need to figure out how best to enclose the heat so it is trapped and the ribs tenderize on both sides. I’ll leave that equation up to you.
The point is: Be creative with your tree stumps. Turn them into smokers. Advertise this new taste to friends and neighbors. If it catches on, you can go around to houses in your neighborhood and ask to burn their roots out while you cook some ribs or other tenderized meat dishes.
Just make sure you cook a big enough batch so you can share.
Seeing the smoke reminded me of a newly suggested method to get rid of tough roots from your yard, like diseased rose bushes or trees that send their tentacles far and wide to find water. Those suckers are tough. They spend a lot of time worming their way through the earth to get every last drop of water, so I guess it stands to reason that they’re not going to give themselves up easily.
Two friends of mine suggested smoking them out. Pour some gasoline on those bastards and toss the match in. Watch them burn.
If you hate digging out deeply rooted tree stumps, drill a bunch of holes in the stump, soak it in kerosene and light that baby up! The neighbors will talk about the “burning bush” for years.
But seriously, there is some merit to this. Beyond easing your physical labor needs, burning the roots gives an opportunity to start a new business: Root-smoke barbecue. This is already a delicacy in many countries around the world that have root problems. They figured out long before us slowpokes in the United States that you can cook meat in burning earth. In fact, if I remember some roasting sessions with friends who served in the Peace Corps, there are very specific methods used to wrap certain meats, then putting them back into the earth to be covered up and cooked.
The meat comes out smoked, tender and tasty. They’ve got the method down.
This may not fly in the suburbs. The neighbors may wonder if you’re digging up a body in the backyard. SOmake sure you tell them you’re starting a new barbecuing technique, and invite them over to sample your wares later in the day after a few cocktails. That will loosen up the conversation and hopefully everyone will overlook the smoke you’re pouring into the atmosphere.
The tree stump burning removal method has actually worked according to one of my good friends. He set the stump ablaze, and it burned for about 30 minutes. Then it smoked for 3 days! Actually, I’m lying. It only smoked for 3 hours, according to his email, but 3 days sounded more amusing.
Three hours is enough to cook most meat. Think root roasted barbecued pork ribs. MMMMMMMNMM!!
Lather them up in your favorite sauce. Wrap them in aluminum foil. Test the heat of the burning/smoldering roots. Toss the rack in the dirt pit. Cover them up with some dirt. See how they come out in a few hours. If they aren’t cooked, have some Cole slaw for dinner.
If you don’t think covering them up with the burning roots in the pit with dirt will work, perhaps place them on top of the smoking tree stump. You’ll need to figure out how best to enclose the heat so it is trapped and the ribs tenderize on both sides. I’ll leave that equation up to you.
The point is: Be creative with your tree stumps. Turn them into smokers. Advertise this new taste to friends and neighbors. If it catches on, you can go around to houses in your neighborhood and ask to burn their roots out while you cook some ribs or other tenderized meat dishes.
Just make sure you cook a big enough batch so you can share.
