Chester Ditto Dissected
Literally and figuratively, the old Chester Ditto Golf Course in Arlington, TX has been dissected. Literally, the course was torn apart after the Bad Golf Tour departed the area in August 2016. Figuratively, when the Tour returned to the premises, now run by the Texas Rangers baseball team, it was clear the funky, unique course is no longer so. It now belongs in the tomb of so many north Texas courses destroyed by modernization, making it a clone of multiple layouts in the DFW area. Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty mourned its passing April 3, 2023 with a classic display of Bad Golf.
After a poor front time (4+ par in their classic two-man scramble) despite creative scoring, the duo found themselves facing a long drive over water to a strategic spot on the fairway. Factoring the wind, the Garbage Man said he found it a little safer hitting from the front tees and McGillicutty chimed in with "this gives us a little more room for error," before both hit titanic drives so far right that neither could reach the 347-yard hole with a fairway wood.
Literally and figuratively, the old Chester Ditto Golf Course in Arlington, TX has been dissected. Literally, the course was torn apart after the Bad Golf Tour departed the area in August 2016. Figuratively, when the Tour returned to the premises, now run by the Texas Rangers baseball team, it was clear the funky, unique course is no longer so. It now belongs in the tomb of so many north Texas courses destroyed by modernization, making it a clone of multiple layouts in the DFW area. Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty mourned its passing April 3, 2023 with a classic display of Bad Golf.
After a poor front time (4+ par in their classic two-man scramble) despite creative scoring, the duo found themselves facing a long drive over water to a strategic spot on the fairway. Factoring the wind, the Garbage Man said he found it a little safer hitting from the front tees and McGillicutty chimed in with "this gives us a little more room for error," before both hit titanic drives so far right that neither could reach the 347-yard hole with a fairway wood.
At one point, the team griped got so badly that McGillicutty questioned why Garbaginski kept jumping in the air on his drives. "Do you see the pros doing that?"
After a particularly errant tee shot by McGillicutty, the Garbage Man asked if he was going to look for his ball, "Nope. It hopped in after I told it to not to, so it can stay there," McGillicutty replied.
Living up to their regular inconsistency, on the par 3 #15, McGillicutty rolled one of the tee, then took his mulligan and hit his best shot of the day.
As the round wore on, and McGillicutty collapsed further, Garbaginski took the reins of the golf cart on #15, allowing McGillicutty to destress from all the driving and rally for one shot before drubbing three consecutive more and admitting their twosome was just as bad as they were seven years ago when they last pummeled Chester Ditto. Perhaps even badder. The Bad Golf Tour is looking for its next event if anyone will have them.
After a particularly errant tee shot by McGillicutty, the Garbage Man asked if he was going to look for his ball, "Nope. It hopped in after I told it to not to, so it can stay there," McGillicutty replied.
Living up to their regular inconsistency, on the par 3 #15, McGillicutty rolled one of the tee, then took his mulligan and hit his best shot of the day.
As the round wore on, and McGillicutty collapsed further, Garbaginski took the reins of the golf cart on #15, allowing McGillicutty to destress from all the driving and rally for one shot before drubbing three consecutive more and admitting their twosome was just as bad as they were seven years ago when they last pummeled Chester Ditto. Perhaps even badder. The Bad Golf Tour is looking for its next event if anyone will have them.
BAD GOLF TOUR RETURNS!
After 6+ years and many complaints from its fans, the Bad Golf Tour returned in 2023 to North Texas, featuring newcomers -- the humorous Chicago Mulkahee and business genius CJ Dinero. Chicago, known for his Lee Trevino-like ability to make fans laugh, was greeted by rowdy geese at his initial tee-off, letting them know, "I have a keen eye -- for hitting the ball 100 yards offline." After the quacking died down and he launched his drive onto the 9th fairway, Dinero, known for turning any project he touches into a goldmine, hit a signature shot that sliced the fairway in half. "We found our sweet spot," Mulkahee remarked, "where we can screw up our next shot." The geese sqawked it up.
On hole #2, Mulkahee turned to tour vet Sylvester McGillicutty and asked if he was trying to hit it into the weeds. "No," McGillicutty replied with irritation. "OH, I was wondering sinced you missed it so badly," Chicago said.
Skeeter Garbaginski, another long-term vet on the Bad Golf Tour, repeated one of his mantras for success, "You're in great shape, so swing as hard as you can," before line-driving his next shot into the only bush on the par 5. The Garbage Man fell over laughing.
On the par 3 5th hole at Riverside Golf Course, Grand Prairie, Texas, Chicago told his partners, "I did everything wrong on my tee shot" after a particularly bad effort. With McGillicutty and Garbaginski three-up with 14 to play, Chicago made sure to insert the intimidation effect and told them, "Don't gag it away."
This ignited McGillicutty, who hit five elite shots in a row (banned on most Bad Golf Tour events, but allowed in two-man scrambles), then after receiving a compliment, hitting his next three shots in the water. "Par for the course," McGillicutty sighed.
After a particularly pathetic shot himself, Chicago said to no one who was listening, "I didn't think about that shot enough. Ten minutes wasn't adequate.
Skeeter Garbaginski, another long-term vet on the Bad Golf Tour, repeated one of his mantras for success, "You're in great shape, so swing as hard as you can," before line-driving his next shot into the only bush on the par 5. The Garbage Man fell over laughing.
On the par 3 5th hole at Riverside Golf Course, Grand Prairie, Texas, Chicago told his partners, "I did everything wrong on my tee shot" after a particularly bad effort. With McGillicutty and Garbaginski three-up with 14 to play, Chicago made sure to insert the intimidation effect and told them, "Don't gag it away."
This ignited McGillicutty, who hit five elite shots in a row (banned on most Bad Golf Tour events, but allowed in two-man scrambles), then after receiving a compliment, hitting his next three shots in the water. "Par for the course," McGillicutty sighed.
After a particularly pathetic shot himself, Chicago said to no one who was listening, "I didn't think about that shot enough. Ten minutes wasn't adequate.
As the twosomes moved to the back nine, McGillicutty-Garbaginski remained in command over the Mulkahee-Dinero twosome. On 15, as the match was close to being sown up, Dinero said to Mulkahee after Mulkahee rolled his tee shot into a bunker 78 yards off the tee, "Now you know you have that shot when you need it." Laughing hard, they relaxed and rallied for one shot. Then finally dropped the match on 17 after missing a one-and-a-half footer for par. Clubhouse beers were drained quickly.
Kuchook and Garbaginski teamed to beat Ringer and Boozer by six strokes, shooting a one-under 69 in the scramble, led by two tap-in birdies by Kuchook, who hit fairway woods to within inches. "I can't see that far, so I had no idea where they were," Kuchook observed.
On the fifth hole on the front nine, Boozer and Ringer demonstrated why they are the most sought-after partners on the Bad Golf Tour, bogeying the hole after landing their drive 47 yards from the green. "That was Bad Golf at its best. Forty-seven yards from the green and we take four to get down," Boozer said.
On the back, after dealing with some course-related issues, Boozer gave out another of his signature pieces of advice: "That's a first world problem. The problem is, I'm a fourth world golfer." The foursome agree to submit his quote to the Bad Golf Hall of Fame best quotes web site.
On the back, after dealing with some course-related issues, Boozer gave out another of his signature pieces of advice: "That's a first world problem. The problem is, I'm a fourth world golfer." The foursome agree to submit his quote to the Bad Golf Hall of Fame best quotes web site.
Given the potential to wear masks to confuse fans and sow chaos, the players pledged to play together as a foursome, with a goal to shoot at least two-under par. "If we wear our masks, no one will know who we are, and maybe we can intimidate them like pro wrestlers," Ringer exclaimed.
One-Armed Putter Joins Bad Golf Tour
In an unprecedented move, the Bad Golf Tour accepted Horatio Drinkenstein's attempt to shake things up with a one-armed putting technique September 17 at the Wisconsin Security Association outing at Silver Spring Golf Course outside Milwaukee. "I thought I couldn't do any worse," Drinkenstein explained about his unique technique to maintain his badness. "It worked," he observed, as he helped the foursome save a par on the second hole in their pathetic scramble.
For the first time in Bad Golf Tour history, a foursome shot over par in a scramble as Drinkenstein, along with tour veterans Bombs Aweigh, Skeeter Garbaginski and Pop Fly could do no better than three over par. "We sucked," Aweigh exclaimed. "We can't chip or get it close to the hole."
In an unprecedented move, the Bad Golf Tour accepted Horatio Drinkenstein's attempt to shake things up with a one-armed putting technique September 17 at the Wisconsin Security Association outing at Silver Spring Golf Course outside Milwaukee. "I thought I couldn't do any worse," Drinkenstein explained about his unique technique to maintain his badness. "It worked," he observed, as he helped the foursome save a par on the second hole in their pathetic scramble.
For the first time in Bad Golf Tour history, a foursome shot over par in a scramble as Drinkenstein, along with tour veterans Bombs Aweigh, Skeeter Garbaginski and Pop Fly could do no better than three over par. "We sucked," Aweigh exclaimed. "We can't chip or get it close to the hole."
His observations were born out as the team decided to set interim goals for motivational purposes as it became clear they weren't ever going to putt for a birdie. The first goal was to hit a green in regulation, which occurred on the 13th hole. Sighing with relief, Garbaginski set a second goal to get a birdie before the end of the round, which the team pulled off on the 15th hole. That was a good as it would get for the day.
By the 17th, the team decided to play a practical joke as the foursome behind them clonked a ball into the trees near where they were teeing off. Garbaginski (see attached photo) decided to act like he'd been hit. "I couldn't maintain the pose, so I threw the ball on the green after we took the picture," he said. "We thought we could fake him out and get him to believe he was lucky that the ball richochetted off the tree onto the green, but he saw me throw it on. Oh well."
By the 17th, the team decided to play a practical joke as the foursome behind them clonked a ball into the trees near where they were teeing off. Garbaginski (see attached photo) decided to act like he'd been hit. "I couldn't maintain the pose, so I threw the ball on the green after we took the picture," he said. "We thought we could fake him out and get him to believe he was lucky that the ball richochetted off the tree onto the green, but he saw me throw it on. Oh well."
The only bright spot was Garbaginski lucking into the closest to the pin on your second shot on the 18th hole, as he clocked a six iron to 12-feet and the five previous names on the flag forgot to post the pin, so he got to put his name on and ended up winning a box of Callaways. "Gotta remember to plant the pin or you don't win the prize," he laughed.
Though the team went two-over on the front, slowly they improved as the Johnie Walker took over. "We sure loosened up a lot and starting having more fun once we had a few pops," Drinkenstein chuckled.
Garbaginski Team Scrambles to One Under
The Garbaginski team, including father Skeeter, son Arrow and daughter Felicity, scrambled to a one under par predicted score Friday, June 19 at Camelot Golf Course in Lomira, WI. It was only their second pairing in the history of the Bad Golf Tour, and they played a "predicted" round, hoping to top what they predicted beforehand. It was a pre-Father's Day celebration round, with 85 degree temps, no humidity and a light breeze, perfect Wisconsin weather.
The Garbaginski team, including father Skeeter, son Arrow and daughter Felicity, scrambled to a one under par predicted score Friday, June 19 at Camelot Golf Course in Lomira, WI. It was only their second pairing in the history of the Bad Golf Tour, and they played a "predicted" round, hoping to top what they predicted beforehand. It was a pre-Father's Day celebration round, with 85 degree temps, no humidity and a light breeze, perfect Wisconsin weather.
"The day before, Arrow played with Doc Ringer and they shot one under. With the addition of Felicity, I felt for sure we could copy that, so our goal was one under for the day," Skeeter said.
When faced with a critical shot near the end of the front nine, Felicity observed of the teams position behind a strand of trees, "I can't hit it over those trees. But I can hit into the corn field." The team chose to play Arrow's ball instead.
When faced with a critical shot near the end of the front nine, Felicity observed of the teams position behind a strand of trees, "I can't hit it over those trees. But I can hit into the corn field." The team chose to play Arrow's ball instead.
Horse flies dogged Felicity on the back nine, as she invented new dance moves to try and get the flies to shoo. Skeeter finally stepped up, waving his hands to keep the killer flies away so she could tee off on three holes in a row. "The flies were doggin me," she said.
Early on the back, the grounds crew turned on the ball magnet machine, drawing Arrow's ball repeatedly offline, leading to team complications and pressuring Skeeter and Felicity to step to the plate. "I swear every time I hit it, my tee shots got sucked offline," Arrow observed.
Early on the back, the grounds crew turned on the ball magnet machine, drawing Arrow's ball repeatedly offline, leading to team complications and pressuring Skeeter and Felicity to step to the plate. "I swear every time I hit it, my tee shots got sucked offline," Arrow observed.
Felicity slowly picked up her game as the round wore on, as the team came to rely more heavily on her, despite a chip shot bouncing off some overhead branches on 15. "It wouldn't have been a bad shot if it hadn't hit the tree limb. At least that's my thought process," she observed.
Old Timers Beat Next Gen and Rona Virus on Bad Golf Tour
Bad Golf Tour veterans Skeeter Garbaginski and Bells Ringer came back relentlessly on the back nine today to defeat Next Gen tour members Arrow Garbaginski and Doc Ringer. The two youngsters dominated the front and the old codgers were ready to quit and change partners after nine before the Garbage Man pushed to keep the pairings on the back at Spring Valley Country Club, Salem, WI, June 18, 2020. The old timers not only defeated the Next Gen-ers, but also the Coronavirus (Rona for short). "We weren't wearing no masks," Bells Ringer said.
As the players teed off on the 8th hole, an uphill par 338-yard par four, it became apparent just how weak Arrow Garbaginski was, as he could not drive the green, coming up 17 yards short. "Weakling," the Garbage Man said to Arrow.
Down by three strokes at the turn, none of the four players knew what the stakes were. "I thought we were playing stroke play," Doc exclaimed. "I thought it was match play," Bells said. Either way, the old men were down. Walking in 88-degree heat took it's toll.
After the 10th hole, the players agreed to compete in both match and stroke play as part of their scramble. That ignited the 62-year-old Bells Ringer, who started crushing drives from the middle tees to match the distance of his opponents who were playing the blues. The Garbage Man's top moments of the day included out-driving the younger Garbanginski on two holes. "I don't think I've done that once in the past three years," he observed.
Bad Golf Tour veterans Skeeter Garbaginski and Bells Ringer came back relentlessly on the back nine today to defeat Next Gen tour members Arrow Garbaginski and Doc Ringer. The two youngsters dominated the front and the old codgers were ready to quit and change partners after nine before the Garbage Man pushed to keep the pairings on the back at Spring Valley Country Club, Salem, WI, June 18, 2020. The old timers not only defeated the Next Gen-ers, but also the Coronavirus (Rona for short). "We weren't wearing no masks," Bells Ringer said.
As the players teed off on the 8th hole, an uphill par 338-yard par four, it became apparent just how weak Arrow Garbaginski was, as he could not drive the green, coming up 17 yards short. "Weakling," the Garbage Man said to Arrow.
Down by three strokes at the turn, none of the four players knew what the stakes were. "I thought we were playing stroke play," Doc exclaimed. "I thought it was match play," Bells said. Either way, the old men were down. Walking in 88-degree heat took it's toll.
After the 10th hole, the players agreed to compete in both match and stroke play as part of their scramble. That ignited the 62-year-old Bells Ringer, who started crushing drives from the middle tees to match the distance of his opponents who were playing the blues. The Garbage Man's top moments of the day included out-driving the younger Garbanginski on two holes. "I don't think I've done that once in the past three years," he observed.
On the 12th hole, both of the Ringers took turns exploring the Covid breathing apparatus (see attached photos). The huge pole, designed to see over the hump down the fairway, provided several chuckles for the Tour members.
On the 11th tee, Bells Ringer did his best imitation of the Herminator, the all-time great on the Bad Golf Tour, squatting as his knees popped and wobbling as he attempted to stab his tee into the ground. "Damn, I feel like the Herminator," he said, as he staggered back up to a standing position. "I got his wild hair, too," he said.
For Father's Day, Arrow and Doc gave Skeeter and Bells a big break on 17 as they continued to hold a lead in the match and stroke play. With a mulligan left, Bells took a second putt for a birdie and rang it up. But he did not declare he was using his mulligan. The kind-hearted sons, in a show of good faith, gave Bells the mulligan, allowing the old coots to win the match with a two-under 68 to their opponents' 69. Match play was tied.
Illinois Finds Bad Golf Hats Cross Border
Bad Golf hats crossed the border from Wisconsin to Illinois, finding their way to Settlers Hill Golf Course September 20 in Batavia, IL. Bad Golf Tour veteran Lee Boozer demonstrates his style with the hat in the attached photo.
Bad Golf hats crossed the border from Wisconsin to Illinois, finding their way to Settlers Hill Golf Course September 20 in Batavia, IL. Bad Golf Tour veteran Lee Boozer demonstrates his style with the hat in the attached photo.
His Bad Golf Tour foursome included Bells Ringer and Skeeter Garbaginski, and they scrambled their way to a four under 68, never making a putt over eight feet. "We stank on the putts," Boozer exclaimed.
The early part of the round was exemplified by Ringer's usual absentmindedness, as he left clubs behind on two of the first three holes. "Cripes, I didn't even know I brought two clubs to the tee on the number four," he said, after hearing the foursome behind him yodeling that his wedge was still up on the tee.
Despite the team playing relatively well, they subscribed to the theory that each player only has six good holes in him. "Forget about playing more than six good holes. You can discard that reality if you're on the Bad Golf Tour," the Garbage Man said.
Bad Golf Hats Crash Wisconsin Security Outing
Bad Golf hats continued to magically appear in Wisconsin, materializing at the Wisconsin Electronic Security Association (WIESA) outing at Silver Spring Golf Club, Menomonee Falls, WI, September 19. Pictured with their new hats are tour rookies Solo Manne and Bombs Aweigh, along with veteran Horatio Drinkenstein. "I need one of those," Solo Manne exclaimed when he saw their awesome style.
Bad Golf hats continued to magically appear in Wisconsin, materializing at the Wisconsin Electronic Security Association (WIESA) outing at Silver Spring Golf Club, Menomonee Falls, WI, September 19. Pictured with their new hats are tour rookies Solo Manne and Bombs Aweigh, along with veteran Horatio Drinkenstein. "I need one of those," Solo Manne exclaimed when he saw their awesome style.
The Bad Golf Tour event at WIESA found Drinkenstein, Aweigh and Garbaginski finishing at 5 under in their very generous scramble. "We used our mulligans expertly," Aweigh laughed. Aweigh led the way, bombing his drives mostly straight, though occasionally falling back into his habit of hitting one three fairways over. After multiple good drives, when he finally launched his tee shot 87 yards into the woods, Drinkenstein commnted, "Good to have you back." And Aweigh responded, "I was never gone."
The team finished fifth in the event, actually beating most of their opponents. "The team that shot a 59 definitely knew how to use their mulligans better than us," Aweigh commented.
Bad Golf Hats Appear on Tour in Wisconsin
Bad Golf hats appeared on the Tour September 14 at Songbird Hills Golf Course in Hartland, WI, as members personalized their look with the newest addition to the Bad Golf Apparel line. Early voting has Wilbur McGillicutty and Bells Ringer as the top two vote getters in terms of best personalizing the hat to give off the goofiest look and intimidate your opponents. "I thought putting the tees in the side of my hat was convenient and a good way to make the rest of my group laugh," Ringer wryly observed.
Bad Golf hats appeared on the Tour September 14 at Songbird Hills Golf Course in Hartland, WI, as members personalized their look with the newest addition to the Bad Golf Apparel line. Early voting has Wilbur McGillicutty and Bells Ringer as the top two vote getters in terms of best personalizing the hat to give off the goofiest look and intimidate your opponents. "I thought putting the tees in the side of my hat was convenient and a good way to make the rest of my group laugh," Ringer wryly observed.
In the final day of play at Songbird Hills, the next gen trio of Arrow Garbaginski, Doc Ringer and Wilbur McGillicutty beat the old men in their regular scramble, firing a five under par to the old men's three under par. The round almost didn't make it the second hole.
As the two Bad Golf Tour threesomes waited to tee off, the group in front hit two balls onto the highway, rolled another one under a pine tree on the left, and the fourth player topped a shot that never made the fairway. The Garbage Man went in to warn the golf staff that they may have to send the ranger out to keep the group moving, as one player topped his next shot 23 yards, then hit his third into the middle of the fairway to the right. Somehow play picked up and the round was completed in just over 4 hours. "We were prepared for a six hour round," Sylvester McGillicutty commented.
"Those guys should come join the Bad Golf Tour. They'd definitely be able to compete," he added.
One of the players in the group was overheard saying after rolling his tee shot, "I just hit it there so I can make a spectacular recovery shot."
"That's the type of attitude we like on the Bad Golf Tour," The Garbage Man said when he overheard the comment.
With the Wisconsin leg of the Bad Golf Tour completer, players are making plans for a return to to the Dallas area next year. "It better be under 105 degrees or we'll all pass out by the third hole on the first day," Wilbur McGillicutty laughed.
As the two Bad Golf Tour threesomes waited to tee off, the group in front hit two balls onto the highway, rolled another one under a pine tree on the left, and the fourth player topped a shot that never made the fairway. The Garbage Man went in to warn the golf staff that they may have to send the ranger out to keep the group moving, as one player topped his next shot 23 yards, then hit his third into the middle of the fairway to the right. Somehow play picked up and the round was completed in just over 4 hours. "We were prepared for a six hour round," Sylvester McGillicutty commented.
"Those guys should come join the Bad Golf Tour. They'd definitely be able to compete," he added.
One of the players in the group was overheard saying after rolling his tee shot, "I just hit it there so I can make a spectacular recovery shot."
"That's the type of attitude we like on the Bad Golf Tour," The Garbage Man said when he overheard the comment.
With the Wisconsin leg of the Bad Golf Tour completer, players are making plans for a return to to the Dallas area next year. "It better be under 105 degrees or we'll all pass out by the third hole on the first day," Wilbur McGillicutty laughed.
Bad Golf Tour Commissioner Revokes Jumbo James' Card
Bad Golf Tour Commissioner Sylvester McGillicutty revoked the Bad Golf Tour card of Jumbo James after James' recent 78 round at the Elks Country Club in Kankakee, IL. McGillicutty made the surprise announcement just before the two-day tour event in Wisconsin began September 13 at Deertrak Golf Course outside Hartford, WI (See previous story below on James' round of 78.)
"After careful consideration, Jumbo clearly has far too much talent to participate on the Bad Golf Tour. His recent round at the Elks demonstrates that beyond a shadow of doubt. Therefore, effective immediately, I revoke Jame's tour card," McGillicutty announced.
"Jumbo continues to be welcome any time as a guest on the tour as long as he buys the 19th hole round of drinks," McGillicutty added.
Bad Golf Tour Commissioner Sylvester McGillicutty revoked the Bad Golf Tour card of Jumbo James after James' recent 78 round at the Elks Country Club in Kankakee, IL. McGillicutty made the surprise announcement just before the two-day tour event in Wisconsin began September 13 at Deertrak Golf Course outside Hartford, WI (See previous story below on James' round of 78.)
"After careful consideration, Jumbo clearly has far too much talent to participate on the Bad Golf Tour. His recent round at the Elks demonstrates that beyond a shadow of doubt. Therefore, effective immediately, I revoke Jame's tour card," McGillicutty announced.
"Jumbo continues to be welcome any time as a guest on the tour as long as he buys the 19th hole round of drinks," McGillicutty added.
After the announcement, McGillicutty joined other tour members in the practice area, including Bells and Doc Ringer, Wilbur McGillicutty and Arrow and Skeeter Garbaginski. Arrow tried a new technique to screw up his swing while hitting pre-round balls, slapping the dividing rope with his 7-iron so it wrapped around his neck. From the attached picture, you can see Arrow relaying the rope to capture the swings of future bad golfers using the range.
The six-some tried a new tactic to reduce their frustration level by rotating partners every six holes in a scramble, with Doc, Arrow and Sylvester coming out on top. "Tonight those losers are going to have to serve us drinks, clean our clubs and do all the dishes after dinner," Sylvester said. The Wisconsin Bad Golf Tour continues tomorrow at Songbirds Golf Course.
Ranger Called to Straighten Out Bad Golf Threesome
For the first time in Bad Golf Tour history, the ranger was called to straighten out members of the tour after the greenskeeper contacted the clubhouse. Here's the situation September 12 at the Oakwood Course in Milwaukee County: Bells and Doc Ringer, along with Skeeter Garbaginski were walking the course using push carts (another first on the Bad Golf Tour). Doc Ringer, one of the younger members on the tour, had never used a push cart for his clubs before.
For the first time in Bad Golf Tour history, the ranger was called to straighten out members of the tour after the greenskeeper contacted the clubhouse. Here's the situation September 12 at the Oakwood Course in Milwaukee County: Bells and Doc Ringer, along with Skeeter Garbaginski were walking the course using push carts (another first on the Bad Golf Tour). Doc Ringer, one of the younger members on the tour, had never used a push cart for his clubs before.
On the second hole, he walked across the green with it. "I didn't know you couldn't do that. The cart is lighter than I am, and I'm allowed to walk on the green," he said by way of explanation.
Garbaginski cooled the ranger off, taking responsibility along with the elder Bells Ringer: "Doc is a millennial and has never seen a push cart before."
Mollified, the ranger took off.
Doc Ringer struggled with his club selection, at one point observing, "I don't know how this club is going to go."
Bells Ringer replied, "That's a good one to use then."
Doc took the low score with an 84, shooting a 39 on the back, with The Garbage Man dominated Bells 93 to 97.
The full Bad Golf Tour resumes Friday, September 13 at Deertrak Golf Course, near Erin Hills, site of the Men's U.S. Open in 2017.
Bad Golf Tour Comes to Madison, Wisconsin
As part of it's pledge to bring the Bad Golf Tour to new parts of the country, the Madison, WI area welcomed Skeeter Garbaginski and Tour newcomer Horatio Drinkenstein to the Sun Prairie course September 2, 2019. Drinkenstein, based on his ability to order diverse cocktails during play, had been petitioning to join the tour for years and was finally accepted today. "It made me feel my professional drinking ability was finally recognized," Drinkenstein beamed.
As part of it's pledge to bring the Bad Golf Tour to new parts of the country, the Madison, WI area welcomed Skeeter Garbaginski and Tour newcomer Horatio Drinkenstein to the Sun Prairie course September 2, 2019. Drinkenstein, based on his ability to order diverse cocktails during play, had been petitioning to join the tour for years and was finally accepted today. "It made me feel my professional drinking ability was finally recognized," Drinkenstein beamed.
When the two started their round, the over/under was established at 8 over par. Garbaginski predicted a two man scramble score of 8 over, and Drinkenstein predicted a 9 over. The Drinking Man won the prediction as both players collapsed repeatedly on 18, trying repeatedly to cheat to save a par and failing. "Man, we took four mulligans and still couldn't pull it off," the Garbage Man deadpanned.
Drinkenstein weighed in with some of his typical dry wit. When Garbaginski pointed out, "we screwed up that easy hole," Drinkenstein replied, "That's one of the things we do well." For that Bad Golf insight, he was immediately accepted as a member of the Bad Golf Tour in full standing. "He's been coming up with great lines for years," Garbaginski said, "I'm not sure why he wasn't allowed to compete earlier."
The par four 13th hole featured a signature Bad Golf moment, as both players hacked five shots to the green. The Garbage Man then rammed home a 43-footer for double bogey. "Five bad shots and one good one. That's fantastic Bad Golf," he said. On the next hole, Drinkenstein rolled one down the hill, then explained his shot, "I was trying to show us the way to the gold tees."
Despite their bad play, the two had s shot for eagle on the par 5 14th hole after a Drinkenstein drive and a massive curling three wood from Garbaginski that hit the green (see picture above). Both players missed the eagle but pulled off the birdie, making the day complete.
Invis Ibleman Debuts on Bad Golf Tour
Invis Ibleman (pronounced "Invisible Man") debuted on the Bad Golf Tour this morning at the Elks Golf Club just west of Kankakee, Il. The Invisible Man showed up in his SUV, but no one appeared to be driving as Skeeter Garbaginski and Jumbo James looked on, a golf hat floating in the front windshield to show he was somewhere nearby (see hat photo of Invis attached). Suddenly Invis materialized and the round was on.
Invis Ibleman (pronounced "Invisible Man") debuted on the Bad Golf Tour this morning at the Elks Golf Club just west of Kankakee, Il. The Invisible Man showed up in his SUV, but no one appeared to be driving as Skeeter Garbaginski and Jumbo James looked on, a golf hat floating in the front windshield to show he was somewhere nearby (see hat photo of Invis attached). Suddenly Invis materialized and the round was on.
Tour veteran Lee Boozer rounded out the foursome as Jumbo James continued his domination of the Tour. The Commissioner was contacted afterwards about James' participation after shooting a 78, calling into question his qualifications to remain certified as a member in good standing of the Bad Golf Tour. The Commissioner could not be reached for comment but is expected to rule on James before his next round.
Before the round even started, James' wondered where Invis Ibleman disappeared to, then pointed to the empty putting green and observed, "There he is."
Invis brought more than his invisibility to the round tho, taking second place honors with an 89, just beating the Garbage Man, who played good shot bad shot for a 91, and Boozer, who coaxed his duck hook to a 97. "Just glad I broke 100," he said.
On the ninth hole, Ibleman decided to show a new technique, likely soon to be adopted by other invisible players, demonstrating a one-foot sand explosion onto the par five. It reminded the Garbage Man about the one-legged golf joke: "What did the guy driving the cart say to the one legged golfer when he came up next to him?" "Hop in."
Boozer and James destroyed Ibleman and Garbaginski in the two man best ball, but the Garbage Man was heartened on number 18 coming in when he hit his partner's ball, the thick rough yanking his wedge so the ball shot left. Finding out it wasn't his ball, he exclaimed, "Hell yeah, I get another free shot." That's what bad golf is all about."
Old Men Pound Next Gen on Bad Golf Tour
After multiple losses, the crafty veterans finally broke through to beat the next generation on the Bad Golf Tour Saturday, September 22 at Whisper Creek Golf Course in Huntley, Il. "It was about time we broke through," said the exhausted Bells Ringer, who hosted the weekend festivities, "It's been two full years of losses.
After multiple losses, the crafty veterans finally broke through to beat the next generation on the Bad Golf Tour Saturday, September 22 at Whisper Creek Golf Course in Huntley, Il. "It was about time we broke through," said the exhausted Bells Ringer, who hosted the weekend festivities, "It's been two full years of losses.
The young contingent of Arrow Garbaginski, Wibur McGillicutty and Doc Ringer didn't go down without a fight. After crushing the old men for the eleventh consecutive time on Friday at Cinder Ridge in Wilmington, IL (even without Doc's precise talents), the young guns couldn't quite pull it off on the 18th hole Saturday. Going into the 18th, they were up by one, but both Garbaginski and Ringer went for the par 5 green in two, assuming it was a par four, and dropped their shots into the drink. Recovering with an awesome chip, they still had a chance at par. But the Senior Garbaginski (Skeeter) chipped in three to the back of the green and the older Ringer (Bells) rang the gong with a birdie four, while the younger set missed their putt for a bogey, swinging an apparent win into a loss. Sylvester McGillicutty let out a signature "brap" in satisfaction at the long-awaited win.
Until that point, Wilbur was the man to watch, setting a Bad Golf Tour record of 17 lost balls on Friday ("I was trying for one a hole, but I guess I was too good to be that bad," he claimed.). At Cinder Ridge in Wilmington, IL, water, weeds and woods were his undoing, along with Interstate-55, as multiple cars dodged his balls as they bounced off the highway. "I averaged 67-yards off the fairway to the right in the course of the day," Wilbur observed. Several times, his ball appeared air-mailed to Coal City. "I needed to play in another zip code," he quipped.
The lost balls were a problem for everyone. Skeeter and Arrow, who played with Wilbur Friday, lost 7 and 8 balls respectively. "It's a major reason we play scrambles," Skeeter said, "otherwise we'd set new Bad Golf records every time out."
Wilbur finally figured out part of his problem by round three on Sunday afternoon at Maple Meadows Golf Course in Addison, IL. "I had to make sure Skeeter wasn't watching me, so I played in the group behind him. I actually hit several in the fairway when he wasn't watching and harassing me, so that will be my core swing thought next year when we compete again."
Tree Splits After Missed Putt
Bells Ringer's whiffed putt on hole number six at Settler's Hill Golf Course in Batavia, IL, split a tree perfectly in two (see photo). "I couldn't believe it," Ringer, a Bad Golf Tour veteran said. "It was like a stroke from god. Once I missed the putt, the tree just collapsed symmetrically. Good thing I have a side job as an engineer and could see how my putting stroke affected the contours of the tree.
Bells Ringer's whiffed putt on hole number six at Settler's Hill Golf Course in Batavia, IL, split a tree perfectly in two (see photo). "I couldn't believe it," Ringer, a Bad Golf Tour veteran said. "It was like a stroke from god. Once I missed the putt, the tree just collapsed symmetrically. Good thing I have a side job as an engineer and could see how my putting stroke affected the contours of the tree.
Ringer fell to Skeeter Garbaginski 97 to 93 in their highly competitive match August 12. "We both sucked," the Garbage Man said, "Even though I played great."
Old Settler's, built on a landfill, might have contributed to the poor play. "The gas vents were making us dizzy," Ringer said. "When we both drilled our tee shots on number four and three-putted for bogey, you could tell something was wrong."
Woodchuck Crashes Bad Golf Tour
A woodchuck crashed the Bad Golf Tour July 14 at the Bridges Golf Course in Madison, WI. "Our first wildlife of the day. It's a big ol' rat," commented second year tour player Badger Packer when the woodchuck started sniffing around the second tee box. Packer played with Tour veteran Skeeter Garbaginski and Tour rookie Mickel Badshot. "No one can play bad golf better than me," Badshot claimed.
A woodchuck crashed the Bad Golf Tour July 14 at the Bridges Golf Course in Madison, WI. "Our first wildlife of the day. It's a big ol' rat," commented second year tour player Badger Packer when the woodchuck started sniffing around the second tee box. Packer played with Tour veteran Skeeter Garbaginski and Tour rookie Mickel Badshot. "No one can play bad golf better than me," Badshot claimed.
Almost immediately after the round started, the threesome looked horrible. "We almost proved our essential badness on the first hole," the Garbage Man observed when it took them all three putts as part of their team scramble to sink a four-footer. "Whew," all three sighed.
Quickly, the threesome called over the cart woman. "She couldn't figure out our drinking signals," Packer said. "I had to teach her the hand signals so she knew not to take off when we actually wanted her to come over. She's the best."
The threesome set a random goal of shooting a 75 as a scramble on the par 72 track. After five straight pars on the front, the team followed with four straight bogeys for a 40 on the front. "We have to shoot 35 on the back," Garbaginski said, and Packer followed up, "We ought to be able to do that on the first two holes."
As they made the turn, Packer observed, "I can't lose too many more balls. Six on the front is enough."
As Garbaginski and Packer deteriorated on the back, Badshot began carrying the team. "Somebody has to," Packer said.
Finally, the team caught fire. "The alcohol is taking effect," Packer said on the 14th hole. "It's about time."
The team scrambled to a 76, one shot worse than their goal for the day.
Shamble Beats Scramble on Bad Golf Tour
Three old codgers on the Bad Golf Tour beat the next generation of bad golfers playing a shamble vs. the youngsters' scramble at Colbert Hills Golf Course in Manhattan, KS July 6. Bad Golf Tour veterans Bells Ringer, Sylvester McGillicutty and Skeeter Garbaginski lived up to their bad golf reps on a gorgeous day at an incredibly visual course. "It was an awesome day even though none of my shots counted," McGillicutty said, after a long layoff from the tour. "We were fortunate to have Tractor Reversegrip join us and slam a few tee shots into the tall prairie grass. He could dominate if he put his mind to it," he added.
Three old codgers on the Bad Golf Tour beat the next generation of bad golfers playing a shamble vs. the youngsters' scramble at Colbert Hills Golf Course in Manhattan, KS July 6. Bad Golf Tour veterans Bells Ringer, Sylvester McGillicutty and Skeeter Garbaginski lived up to their bad golf reps on a gorgeous day at an incredibly visual course. "It was an awesome day even though none of my shots counted," McGillicutty said, after a long layoff from the tour. "We were fortunate to have Tractor Reversegrip join us and slam a few tee shots into the tall prairie grass. He could dominate if he put his mind to it," he added.
"I don't play cuz I can't see," Reversegrip said.
The veterans crushed the rookies by one shot, shooting one over par in their shamble. "I couldn't figure out what a shamble was till the fourth hole and by then I was a disaster," McGillicutty observed. "I wonder how many golf balls are in that shit," he added after cranking several into the rough.
Once McGillicutty started to feel a bit better, he observed after a halfway decent shot, "That's better. It still sucks, but it's better."
As the players got deeper into the course and frustration mounted, the Garbage Man philosophized, "Sometimes you beat the hard holes and the easy ones beat you."
The next generation caught up to the vets at the 18th hole, whining about lost balls. "I lost 20," Arrow Garbaginski said. "I lost 5," Felicity Garbiginski added. The two other members of their scramble foursome, Wilbur McGillicutty and Barr Tender lost 18 apiece. "It was a disaster," Tender said.
Bells Ringer Forgets Club but still Dominates Opponent on Bad Golf Tour
Bad Golf Tour veteran Bells Ringer forgot his golf clubs for the second time in tournament history, but still dominated his opponent Skeeter Garbaginski 91 to 96 at Petrified Springs Golf Course in Kenosha, WI June 29. "The last time I forgot them was also with the Garbage Man, but I was able to drive home and get them and get back to the course in a panic with three straight triple bogeys before I settled down. I needed a couple of cigars," Ringer remembered. This time, Ringer was too far from home and had to accept his fate.
Bad Golf Tour veteran Bells Ringer forgot his golf clubs for the second time in tournament history, but still dominated his opponent Skeeter Garbaginski 91 to 96 at Petrified Springs Golf Course in Kenosha, WI June 29. "The last time I forgot them was also with the Garbage Man, but I was able to drive home and get them and get back to the course in a panic with three straight triple bogeys before I settled down. I needed a couple of cigars," Ringer remembered. This time, Ringer was too far from home and had to accept his fate.
Garbaginski volunteered to share his clubs with Ringer and that led to his demise. "I should have made him play with just a putter that he grabbed out of the lost club barrel," the Garbage Man volunteered. Ringer found a left-handed putter (he swings righty and putts lefty), which allowed him some semblance of normalcy to his usual game, despite temps above 95 degrees and 80 percent humidity. Both players had saturated shirts within two holes and had drunk 32 ounces of water by that point.
Quickly, Ringer decided he didn't appreciate the Garbage Man's driver, observing, "It's too big. It's like swinging a watermelon."
Slowly he built a lead, easily taking the front nine. before Garbaginski tied him on the back with a 46. After his second par of the round, Ringer said, "Two more and I can go home," his signature statement for a successful round of four pars.
The Bad Golf Tour resumes this coming Friday at Colbert Hills in Manhattan, KS.
Seagar Smoke Joins Bad Golf Tour
The Bad Golf Tour got a new member June 1 at South Hills in Franksville, WI. Seagar Smoke joined the tour with a resounding double bogey round for the front nine, retiring early as Skeeter Garbaginski went on to butcher the back nine. Smoke provided multiple memorable moments on his initial foray into the elite company of bad golfers.
The Bad Golf Tour got a new member June 1 at South Hills in Franksville, WI. Seagar Smoke joined the tour with a resounding double bogey round for the front nine, retiring early as Skeeter Garbaginski went on to butcher the back nine. Smoke provided multiple memorable moments on his initial foray into the elite company of bad golfers.
Using his self-deprecating humor, when told he hit a good shot, Smoke replied, "No it wasn't a good shot. That's the problem." Later, after the Garbage Man commented, "That was up there a long time. You should hit a club you're comfortable with," Smoke replied, "That's the problem -- there's none."
At one point (see photo), Smoke decided to take the pool cue approach to putting. On the ninth hole, he brought out his signature baseball bat and hit pop flies and grounders down the fairway for a triple bogey. "He's an awesome addition to the tour," Garbaginski commented, "We love iconoclastic players. The reason the pro tour sucks is the players are all boring and care about their scores."
After Seagar Smoke retired for the day, Garbaginski went on to play the back. Coming into 18, he realized that with a birdie he could break bogey for the day with an 89. He laced the drive and said to himself, "What the heck, let's go for it." He punched a nine iron to 27 feet. He didn't line up the putt. It was uphill breaking left to right. "Hit it hard," he said to himself. He rammed it home for a birdie and an 89 on his second round of the 2018 season.
BAD GOLF EVENT EVENT ENDS IN HOSPITALIZATION
The first Bad Golf Tour Event of 2018 May 27 at the Elks Golf Club outside Kankakee, IL, nearly ended in tragedy. After a 2-man best ball tourney matching Ryck Mundae and Jumbo James vs. Walk Kuchook and Skeeter Garbanginski ended, Kuchook was overcome by the brutal 96-degree heat. Dehydrated, drained and dizzy from leading his team to a tie in the match, Kuchook was briefly hospitalized for heat exhaustion, but quickly released after two IV-bags of fluids rejuvenated him. Remarking on this first time occurrence on the Bad Golf Tour, he noted, "I'm never playing in that heat again. And no more hot dogs on the turn."
The match showed some good scores, but strange ways of getting there. Mundae and James dominated the shot-making, but luck, chips and long putts saved Kuchook and Garbanginski time and again as their opponents could only shake their heads and marvel at their opponents good fortune. "We shoulda dominated them," James observed.
As the front nine drew to a close after, after back and forth through the eighth hole put the teams in a tie, the ever quick-witted James wryly noted,"Dead even. Just the way the draw it up." His team then collapsed on the 9th as the Garbage Man parred for a front nine victory. Garbaginski had the pressure put on him by partner Kuchook when Kuchook said, "I'm gonna aim right at your car in the parking lot," and fortunately missed badly.
The back nine continued the battle with neither team taking more than a one hole lead. After one batch of badness, the Garbage Man said, "We're all demonstrating why we're amateurs."
Approaching the ninth after the Garbage Man causally dropped a snaking downhill right to lefter from 47 feet, he said the pros should take his lead and stop spending so much time over long putts. Multiple hacks still left the hole up for grabs, but Kuchook missed a short putt to save bogey and Mundae's par won the back for his team, leading to a tie in the match overall.
Final scores: James, 79; Mundae, 85; Kuchook, 87; Garbaginski, 92.
The Bad Golf Tour hopes to return to Kankakee in June.
FOUR PARS ALLOWS BAD GOLFER BELLS RINGER TO ATTAIN PERSONAL GOAL
Bells Ringer's goal when he plays on the Bad Golf Tour is to get four pars. It's realistic, attainable and potentially non-frustrating. You can screw up a whole bunch of other things and still walk away satisfied. Saturday July 1 at the Blue Spruce Course in Kansasville, WI, he attained that goal with five pars, while shooting a 96, and falling to Skeeter Garbaginski's 88. Both both players walked away happy from their first competitive round since last year (both players have been scrambling to have more fun on the course).
"We decided it was time to test our personal scores again," Ringer observed. As he worked his way through the back nine and parred the 13th hole, he wondered if that was his third or fourth par. "If it's my fourth, I can go home then," he joked.
The Bad Golf Tour has also recently focused on getting a hole in one. On each par three, golfers encourage each other to shoot right at the hole, which often means balls land in ponds, sand traps and bushes. On the eighth hole, Ringer drilled is tee shot to six feet (see photo). His beast of a tee shot, 177 yards over water, began a discussion whether his game was trainable or executable. He followed his mantra of "don't be short" for the day, one of the few holes in which he did so. Garbaginski was left on his tee shot on the hole, and chipped nicely behind Ringer to give a line on the putt. Despite this help, Ringer missed his bird.
Both players paid tribute to The Hermanator, at one point hitting such a bad shot that Ringer commented, "That doesn't count. That's a Hermanator shot," before he promptly skulled his next one across the green.
Bells Ringer's goal when he plays on the Bad Golf Tour is to get four pars. It's realistic, attainable and potentially non-frustrating. You can screw up a whole bunch of other things and still walk away satisfied. Saturday July 1 at the Blue Spruce Course in Kansasville, WI, he attained that goal with five pars, while shooting a 96, and falling to Skeeter Garbaginski's 88. Both both players walked away happy from their first competitive round since last year (both players have been scrambling to have more fun on the course).
"We decided it was time to test our personal scores again," Ringer observed. As he worked his way through the back nine and parred the 13th hole, he wondered if that was his third or fourth par. "If it's my fourth, I can go home then," he joked.
The Bad Golf Tour has also recently focused on getting a hole in one. On each par three, golfers encourage each other to shoot right at the hole, which often means balls land in ponds, sand traps and bushes. On the eighth hole, Ringer drilled is tee shot to six feet (see photo). His beast of a tee shot, 177 yards over water, began a discussion whether his game was trainable or executable. He followed his mantra of "don't be short" for the day, one of the few holes in which he did so. Garbaginski was left on his tee shot on the hole, and chipped nicely behind Ringer to give a line on the putt. Despite this help, Ringer missed his bird.
Both players paid tribute to The Hermanator, at one point hitting such a bad shot that Ringer commented, "That doesn't count. That's a Hermanator shot," before he promptly skulled his next one across the green.
Next Gen Bad Golfers Dominate in Wisconsin Scramble
The next generation of bad golfers, led by Doc Ringer, Arrow Garbaginski and Wilbur McGillicutty, dominated their elders over a two-day scramble tournament after spending Friday June 16 at the U.S. Open in Erin Hills, WI. The three cousins thrashed their fathers by several strokes both days as the old men (Bells Ringer, Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty) trudged home with 4-over par rounds both days of the three-man scrambles. The rounds took place after a ceremonial exploding ball to start the first round clobbered unexpectedly (and captured on video) by Arrow. "It didn't sound right," he laughed after he realized the ball disintegrated.
Sylvester was hampered by a fracture in his wrist (pictured below), but found it actually helped with his swing during the first round at Ironwood Golf Course in Sussex, WI. "I need to play with one all the time. I need one for the other wrist," he exclaimed after several above-average shots in a row.
Sylvester also impressively displayed his usual sunscreen application abilities, maintaining a pasty white appearance all Saturday afternoon (see second photo below). McGillicutty is known for following in the late great Hermanator's bad golfing shoes, including his ability to apply sunscreen like white paint. The Hermanator was also part of the opening ceremonies as his memory was invoked to start this reunion, and during the round, as Skeeter left his cart back on fairway to ensure maximum walking distance between shots. "Good job following in the Hermanators footsteps to ensure slow play," Bells observed.
The old men demonstrated why they consistently lead the Bad Golf Tour by having to hit out of a sand trap during Sunday's round at Greenfield Park Golf Course in Milwaukee, WI. "It's the first time in known Bad Golf history that any team has ever had to hit out of a sand trap," Bells laughed.
The next generation of bad golfers, led by Doc Ringer, Arrow Garbaginski and Wilbur McGillicutty, dominated their elders over a two-day scramble tournament after spending Friday June 16 at the U.S. Open in Erin Hills, WI. The three cousins thrashed their fathers by several strokes both days as the old men (Bells Ringer, Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty) trudged home with 4-over par rounds both days of the three-man scrambles. The rounds took place after a ceremonial exploding ball to start the first round clobbered unexpectedly (and captured on video) by Arrow. "It didn't sound right," he laughed after he realized the ball disintegrated.
Sylvester was hampered by a fracture in his wrist (pictured below), but found it actually helped with his swing during the first round at Ironwood Golf Course in Sussex, WI. "I need to play with one all the time. I need one for the other wrist," he exclaimed after several above-average shots in a row.
Sylvester also impressively displayed his usual sunscreen application abilities, maintaining a pasty white appearance all Saturday afternoon (see second photo below). McGillicutty is known for following in the late great Hermanator's bad golfing shoes, including his ability to apply sunscreen like white paint. The Hermanator was also part of the opening ceremonies as his memory was invoked to start this reunion, and during the round, as Skeeter left his cart back on fairway to ensure maximum walking distance between shots. "Good job following in the Hermanators footsteps to ensure slow play," Bells observed.
The old men demonstrated why they consistently lead the Bad Golf Tour by having to hit out of a sand trap during Sunday's round at Greenfield Park Golf Course in Milwaukee, WI. "It's the first time in known Bad Golf history that any team has ever had to hit out of a sand trap," Bells laughed.
Wisconsin Bad Golf Season Opens in 40 Degree Weather
The Wisconsin Bad Golf Tour opened its 2017 season April 29 in 40 degree weather, with winds from the north at 15 MPH. Veterans Skeeter Garbinginski and Bells Ringer took on the elements, playing a two man scramble and breaking their goal to shoot sub-80 by carding a 79 at the par 72 Naga-Waukee War Memorial Golf Course in Waukesha County, WI.
"The last four holes, I couldn't feel my hands, but that didn't matter since I have no feel anyway," Garbaginski joked.
On the par 3 third hole, Ringer remarked, "I'm starting to warm up now," after rolling his tee shot into the drink. Arriving at the green, the two bad golf stars paid tribute to the great "Hermanator," the long-term star of the Bad Golf Tour, who passed away 10 months ago. "Let's see how far we can park the cart from our ball so we can walk as much as possible," Ringer remarked, paying homage to the Hermanator's ability to park the cart as far away as possible from his ball.
Ringer's humor warmed up, though the weather did not. On 4, he had this to say after his tee shot went over the lake on the right side of the fairway, "I'm 150 yards off from where I aimed it. How is that possible? And I hit it good."
While deciding whose ball to play after their tee shot on the par 3 13th hole, Ringer said, "Mine would be better because you can see more of the green, but I do better when I can't see it." Attached photo shows Ringer's excellent form off the tee on Number 2.
The individual highlight of the round was a pure birdie by Garbaginski on the par 3 16th hole, hitting into a cross-wind and leaving it on the fringe before canning a 35-footer for the bird.
The Wisconsin Bad Golf Tour opened its 2017 season April 29 in 40 degree weather, with winds from the north at 15 MPH. Veterans Skeeter Garbinginski and Bells Ringer took on the elements, playing a two man scramble and breaking their goal to shoot sub-80 by carding a 79 at the par 72 Naga-Waukee War Memorial Golf Course in Waukesha County, WI.
"The last four holes, I couldn't feel my hands, but that didn't matter since I have no feel anyway," Garbaginski joked.
On the par 3 third hole, Ringer remarked, "I'm starting to warm up now," after rolling his tee shot into the drink. Arriving at the green, the two bad golf stars paid tribute to the great "Hermanator," the long-term star of the Bad Golf Tour, who passed away 10 months ago. "Let's see how far we can park the cart from our ball so we can walk as much as possible," Ringer remarked, paying homage to the Hermanator's ability to park the cart as far away as possible from his ball.
Ringer's humor warmed up, though the weather did not. On 4, he had this to say after his tee shot went over the lake on the right side of the fairway, "I'm 150 yards off from where I aimed it. How is that possible? And I hit it good."
While deciding whose ball to play after their tee shot on the par 3 13th hole, Ringer said, "Mine would be better because you can see more of the green, but I do better when I can't see it." Attached photo shows Ringer's excellent form off the tee on Number 2.
The individual highlight of the round was a pure birdie by Garbaginski on the par 3 16th hole, hitting into a cross-wind and leaving it on the fringe before canning a 35-footer for the bird.
Another Example of Bad Golf
Bad Golfers Break Par in 2-Man Scramble
In a historically significant event, Bad Golf Tour players Skeeter Garbaginski and Bells Ringer combined in 2-man scramble to break par September 18 at Settler's Hill Golf Course in Batavia, IL. The two players combined to shoot one-under par, beating Ringer's son Doc and Sylvester McGillicutty. "I've never seen Bells play better. He should scramble all the time," McGillicutty quipped.
"I feel so much more relaxed scrambling. It's a whole different ball game," Bells said.
The round ended the Brothers Reunion (BR) portion of the Bad Golf Tour, with next year's event expected to take place at the Jersey Shore. The players plan to bring the ashes of the Hermanator, Bad Golf's premier player who passed in June, and scatter them in the Atlantic Ocean.
In a historically significant event, Bad Golf Tour players Skeeter Garbaginski and Bells Ringer combined in 2-man scramble to break par September 18 at Settler's Hill Golf Course in Batavia, IL. The two players combined to shoot one-under par, beating Ringer's son Doc and Sylvester McGillicutty. "I've never seen Bells play better. He should scramble all the time," McGillicutty quipped.
"I feel so much more relaxed scrambling. It's a whole different ball game," Bells said.
The round ended the Brothers Reunion (BR) portion of the Bad Golf Tour, with next year's event expected to take place at the Jersey Shore. The players plan to bring the ashes of the Hermanator, Bad Golf's premier player who passed in June, and scatter them in the Atlantic Ocean.
Bad Golf Degeneration Begins
Degeneration began on Round 3 of the BR (Brother's Reunion) Annual Bad Golf Tour event on September 17. Sylvester McGillicutty established a BR record with a mulligan 8 at the Tamarack Golf Club in Naperville, IL. He also saved a triple bogey by hitting a snaking 18-foot putt.
Lee Boozer and Doc Ringer joined the Tour for the day, with Boozer unable to finish, while Doc took honors with an 82.
Players deteriorated from previous rounds, Skeeter Garbaginski shooting 90, Bells Ringer a 94, and McGillutty 105. Tragically slow play marred the round, with four groups piled up on number 6 after an hour-and-a-half to play the first five holes. "We should invite the group behind us to play with us. We can have an eightsome then," McGillicutty joked.
Despite the bad play, swearing was not up to par. "I'm disappointed in the creativity of the swearing today," Bells said at one point.
Players continued to honor the Hermanator by ceremoniously bonking their heads when getting into the cart. "I didn't have full contact, but had a head scrape," Bells observed.
Degeneration began on Round 3 of the BR (Brother's Reunion) Annual Bad Golf Tour event on September 17. Sylvester McGillicutty established a BR record with a mulligan 8 at the Tamarack Golf Club in Naperville, IL. He also saved a triple bogey by hitting a snaking 18-foot putt.
Lee Boozer and Doc Ringer joined the Tour for the day, with Boozer unable to finish, while Doc took honors with an 82.
Players deteriorated from previous rounds, Skeeter Garbaginski shooting 90, Bells Ringer a 94, and McGillutty 105. Tragically slow play marred the round, with four groups piled up on number 6 after an hour-and-a-half to play the first five holes. "We should invite the group behind us to play with us. We can have an eightsome then," McGillicutty joked.
Despite the bad play, swearing was not up to par. "I'm disappointed in the creativity of the swearing today," Bells said at one point.
Players continued to honor the Hermanator by ceremoniously bonking their heads when getting into the cart. "I didn't have full contact, but had a head scrape," Bells observed.
"Generous Fairways" Leads to Bad Golf Tour Records
For the first time in Bad Golf Tour history, two players broke 90, as Bells Ringer and Skeeter Garbaginski burned the Highland Woods course September 16, shooting 84 and 87 respectively. The course advertises "generous fairways" and it lived up to its name. "I want to play here the rest of the weekend," Sylvester McGillicutty declared.
"At any other course I would have lost seven balls by now," he said on the 12th hole.
Ringer once again wanted to go home after getting his first par of the day. "We have low standards," he said.
McGillicutty's goal was to improve by 20 strokes from his 110 the previous day, and almost made, coming in with a 92. "That's a stroke a hole better. Think about that."
For the first time in Bad Golf Tour history, two players broke 90, as Bells Ringer and Skeeter Garbaginski burned the Highland Woods course September 16, shooting 84 and 87 respectively. The course advertises "generous fairways" and it lived up to its name. "I want to play here the rest of the weekend," Sylvester McGillicutty declared.
"At any other course I would have lost seven balls by now," he said on the 12th hole.
Ringer once again wanted to go home after getting his first par of the day. "We have low standards," he said.
McGillicutty's goal was to improve by 20 strokes from his 110 the previous day, and almost made, coming in with a 92. "That's a stroke a hole better. Think about that."
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Kankakee Traitor Great Joins Illinois Bad Golf Tour
Kankakee Traitor great softball legend Ryck Mundae joined the Illinois Bad Golf Tour September 15, dominating the competition at White Pines Golf Club in Bensenville, IL. He shot an 82 to Bells Ringer's 86, Skeeter Garbaginski's 95 and Sylvester McGillicutty's 110. Mundae is pictured putting in the attached photos. The tour event was a reunion of sorts for the four members of the spectacular Traitors Softball team. On a gorgeous day, Ringer rang up his second par of the day on the 6th hole, and quipped, "That's my second par of the day. Two more and I can go home." McGillicutty once again struggled with his distance awareness, at one point remarking, "I've got 188 yards to the green. I don't have that club in the bag, so I'll just hit a knock down three wood." That didn't help him get untracked. As he trudged up number nine, he observed, "I Hermed 12 balls on the front nine," referencing The Hermanator, a signature member of the Bad Golf Tour whose bad play led to the term, "Herming It." After a disastrous quintuple bogey, McGillicutty observed, "That's my nine in honor of Herm. I'm Oh for pars so far." After an 8 several holes later, he noted, "The march of the snowmen continues." After a signature 7 on a par 3, McGillicutty declared "Gar Time" (cigar time) on the front nine, code language on the Tour for lighting one up while playing badly. All players worked hard to keep the Hermanator's memory alive, leaving the cart back on the fairway after heading up to the green to increase the time necessary to play, and bonking their heads occasionally as they got in the cart just for fun. |
Bad Golfers Team up in Scramble to Shoot 76
Bad Golfers Bells Ringer and Skeeter Garbaginski decided not to play their individual scores on the Bad Golf Tour September 4 at Bonnie Brook in Waukegan, IL, instead scrambling to a team 76. "It was a lot less stressful and we both probably would have shot over 100 if we took our own scores," Ringer observed wryly. His photos below show the much necessary nap after a prestigious wedge shot threw him off balance on number 15 and almost to the turf. "I was trying to turn and finish my swing like Steve Stricker, but it just didn't work out," he said.
The third hole proved their undoing, as they scrambled to a double bogey 5 on the par 3 with no trouble. "We lived up to the tour's name," the Garbage Man said. "If we had played alternating shot, we probably would have shot 120. But somehow we kept getting lucky and hitting the right shot when we needed it. Scrambles are great because you don't beat up on yourself and cheer your teammate."
Ringer has a spectacular putting round, canning four putts in the 6-10 foot range, and one 25+ footer. "I decided to start putting the opposite of the way I think, and it worked," he said.
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Bells Ringer Dominates as Bad Golf Tour Moves Through Illinois
Bells Ringer came out of Bad Golf retirement and dominated Skeeter Garbaginski 95 to 96 as the Bad Golf Tour left North Texas and moved to upstate Illinois on its way to its new home in Wisconsin. After leaving his golf clubs at home, Ringer flew back to get them in a 34 minute round trip, to arrive five minutes before tee off.
With no time to warm up, hit a practice putt or use the rest room, Ringer promptly burned a snap hook down the left side, hit short, then chipped on, before a jittery three-putt that he picked up, including a double hit on his first attempt. "That's enough. I can't keep my hands from shaking," he told the assembled crowd.
Bells Ringer came out of Bad Golf retirement and dominated Skeeter Garbaginski 95 to 96 as the Bad Golf Tour left North Texas and moved to upstate Illinois on its way to its new home in Wisconsin. After leaving his golf clubs at home, Ringer flew back to get them in a 34 minute round trip, to arrive five minutes before tee off.
With no time to warm up, hit a practice putt or use the rest room, Ringer promptly burned a snap hook down the left side, hit short, then chipped on, before a jittery three-putt that he picked up, including a double hit on his first attempt. "That's enough. I can't keep my hands from shaking," he told the assembled crowd.
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Playing Settler's Hill in Batavia, IL, the two Bad Golf Tour veterans battled it out after Ringer's first hole debacle. Garbaginski mastered the lost ball and three-putt, with six lost balls for the round and five three-putts on the front before he stopped counting. "Eleven strokes right there," he could be heard repeatedly muttering as the round wore on.
By the third hole, Ringer realized he was also missing his nine iron and wedge, which led to multiple mis-clubbing. His third strike of the day came on the sixth hole when his five iron came flying off, the second club in his bag to lose its head. "Time for you to purchase a new set," the Garbage Man chided him.
After one of his bad shots, Ringer said, "I don't know why I hit this club because I never hit it well." Garbaginski replied, "Because you only have two clubs left in your bag."
Ringer is pictured with his signature swing above on the 7th hole, as part of the Bad Golf Tour's ongoing pursuit of its first hole-in-one.
By the third hole, Ringer realized he was also missing his nine iron and wedge, which led to multiple mis-clubbing. His third strike of the day came on the sixth hole when his five iron came flying off, the second club in his bag to lose its head. "Time for you to purchase a new set," the Garbage Man chided him.
After one of his bad shots, Ringer said, "I don't know why I hit this club because I never hit it well." Garbaginski replied, "Because you only have two clubs left in your bag."
Ringer is pictured with his signature swing above on the 7th hole, as part of the Bad Golf Tour's ongoing pursuit of its first hole-in-one.
The Garbage Man Waves Farewell
Bad Golf Tour Eliminated in Texas
The Texas leg of the Bad Golf Tour has been eliminated with the pending move of Skeeter Garbaginski to Milwaukee, WI. The two-person North Texas version of the tour, featuring The Garbage Man and Sylvester McGillicutty, has been in existence for four years. "With Garbage Man taking a job in Milwaukee, there was no way I could just compete against myself because I'd always lose," McGillicutty observed.
Their last DFW (Dallas-Ft. Worth) round was played July 24 at Woodbridge Golf Course in Wylie, TX. Garbaginski shot 92 to McGillicutty's 100, winning for the 46th time out of 48 matches. "He cheats better than I do. But I use mulligans more effectively," McGillicutty said.
Mulligans played a HUGE role in the round, as McGillicutty called it "mulligan-city." On the 11th hole, he said, "I'm racking up the penalty strokes today. That's about 5 so far." He went on to have 4 more to finish off the round, but deployed mulligans to ensure he won the 16th, a diabolical par three that held a quad bogey 7 in store for The Garbage Man. "I crushed him," McGillicutty laughed.
Balls were lost everywhere. At one point on the 10th hole, after looking fruitlessly for 10 minutes, the players found the ball 20 yards back from where they were looking.
"That's awesome when you take a 6 on a 120-yard hole. Do the exact opposite of what you want to do," McGillicutty said wryly after being punished on the 4th hole.
Garbaginski struggled with his putting most of the day, with five 3-putts on the front side. On the 12th, after leaving a 29-footer a few inches from the hole, he sighed, "Finally, my first good lag putt."
Both players were saddened at their final DFW Bad Golf Tour round. "We'll keep it alive for Brother's Reunion, which tips off in September. We'll have a moment of silence for the Herminator, then each of us will have to announce one of his signature statements, like, 'WHERE'S MY BALL?,' before we tee off," McGillicutty said. The Herminator, one of the inspirations of the Bad Golf Tour, passed away last month just before his 89th birthday. He continued to play bad golf until December 2015.
The Texas leg of the Bad Golf Tour has been eliminated with the pending move of Skeeter Garbaginski to Milwaukee, WI. The two-person North Texas version of the tour, featuring The Garbage Man and Sylvester McGillicutty, has been in existence for four years. "With Garbage Man taking a job in Milwaukee, there was no way I could just compete against myself because I'd always lose," McGillicutty observed.
Their last DFW (Dallas-Ft. Worth) round was played July 24 at Woodbridge Golf Course in Wylie, TX. Garbaginski shot 92 to McGillicutty's 100, winning for the 46th time out of 48 matches. "He cheats better than I do. But I use mulligans more effectively," McGillicutty said.
Mulligans played a HUGE role in the round, as McGillicutty called it "mulligan-city." On the 11th hole, he said, "I'm racking up the penalty strokes today. That's about 5 so far." He went on to have 4 more to finish off the round, but deployed mulligans to ensure he won the 16th, a diabolical par three that held a quad bogey 7 in store for The Garbage Man. "I crushed him," McGillicutty laughed.
Balls were lost everywhere. At one point on the 10th hole, after looking fruitlessly for 10 minutes, the players found the ball 20 yards back from where they were looking.
"That's awesome when you take a 6 on a 120-yard hole. Do the exact opposite of what you want to do," McGillicutty said wryly after being punished on the 4th hole.
Garbaginski struggled with his putting most of the day, with five 3-putts on the front side. On the 12th, after leaving a 29-footer a few inches from the hole, he sighed, "Finally, my first good lag putt."
Both players were saddened at their final DFW Bad Golf Tour round. "We'll keep it alive for Brother's Reunion, which tips off in September. We'll have a moment of silence for the Herminator, then each of us will have to announce one of his signature statements, like, 'WHERE'S MY BALL?,' before we tee off," McGillicutty said. The Herminator, one of the inspirations of the Bad Golf Tour, passed away last month just before his 89th birthday. He continued to play bad golf until December 2015.
A Model of Inconsistency Mars Bad Golf Event at Tierra Verde
Skeeter Garbaginski was a model of inconsistency July 9 at the Bad Golf Tour Event at Tierra Verde in Arlington, TX. Starting with a quad bogey 8 on the first hole, he followed that up with two doubles, a birdie and three pars on the front for a 45. The back nine got better as he tore it up with two triple bogeys, a double and three pars for a 47. "At least I finished well on both nines," he said with a smile afterwards.
Skeeter Garbaginski was a model of inconsistency July 9 at the Bad Golf Tour Event at Tierra Verde in Arlington, TX. Starting with a quad bogey 8 on the first hole, he followed that up with two doubles, a birdie and three pars on the front for a 45. The back nine got better as he tore it up with two triple bogeys, a double and three pars for a 47. "At least I finished well on both nines," he said with a smile afterwards.
Tierra Verde, newly added to the Bad Golf Tour, proved to be an excellent venue for bringing out badness as both Garbaginski and his longtime playing partner Sylvester McGillicutty lost a world's record 16 balls between them. "There were some dense trees and we'd never played the course before," they agreed upon as their excuse.
Mulligans played an important role during the round. Sylvester bogeyed with one of his ("mulligan bogey, that's pretty good," he observed) on the front nine and took a second on the back to save a par, almost unheard in the history of mulligans. The Garbage Man was faced with a quandary when his fairway mulligan led to an eagle putt. "Man, if I'd made that, I don't know what I would have done," he observed. As usual, "that second player sure is a good golfer," McGillicutty added. The attached photos show the the Garbage Man just missing his mulligan eagle, then celebrating, and putting for a birdie three on the 9th hole, where he came up short. Sylvester asked him before the putt on 9, "When was the last time you had back to back birdies?" The Garbage Man couldn't remember.
Several new chapters were proposed for the "Bad Golf Volume II" book, including Chapter 17: "Aiming After the Shot" and Chapter 9: "Rationalization."
The players continued to play tees suited to their games, keeping to Bad Golf rules of not playing par 4's over 400 yards or par 5's over 500 yards. At one point, the players looked enviously at the red tees, and seeing that the par 5 was 445 yards, McGillicutty sighed and said, "We're not there yet."
As the back nine unraveled, McGillicutty ranted that it "took me 14 holes to get a par and two tries at the putt for that."
Mulligans played an important role during the round. Sylvester bogeyed with one of his ("mulligan bogey, that's pretty good," he observed) on the front nine and took a second on the back to save a par, almost unheard in the history of mulligans. The Garbage Man was faced with a quandary when his fairway mulligan led to an eagle putt. "Man, if I'd made that, I don't know what I would have done," he observed. As usual, "that second player sure is a good golfer," McGillicutty added. The attached photos show the the Garbage Man just missing his mulligan eagle, then celebrating, and putting for a birdie three on the 9th hole, where he came up short. Sylvester asked him before the putt on 9, "When was the last time you had back to back birdies?" The Garbage Man couldn't remember.
Several new chapters were proposed for the "Bad Golf Volume II" book, including Chapter 17: "Aiming After the Shot" and Chapter 9: "Rationalization."
The players continued to play tees suited to their games, keeping to Bad Golf rules of not playing par 4's over 400 yards or par 5's over 500 yards. At one point, the players looked enviously at the red tees, and seeing that the par 5 was 445 yards, McGillicutty sighed and said, "We're not there yet."
As the back nine unraveled, McGillicutty ranted that it "took me 14 holes to get a par and two tries at the putt for that."
Storming Towards 100 on the Bad Golf Tour
Sylvester McGillicutty was storming towards 100 on the Bad Golf Tour June 26, but he couldn't quite sustain his badness for 18 holes, instead settling for a 92 on the par 71 layout out Lake Arlington Golf Course in North Texas. "I was storming towards 100 on the easiest course we've played in years," he told reporters.
The Bad Golf Tour played its first event at Lake Arlington, and it proved fruitful for Skeeter Garbaginski, who fired a 39 on the front (par 35), despite a bogey on the easy ninth hole, after McGillicutty reminded him if he parred he would shoot a 38. "The bastard jinxed me," the Garbage Man said, "Then he started getting all antsy on the back, complaining over and over about the pace of play and I started worrying about it too. He completely threw me off."
As usual, both players gave lessons in badness. McGillicutty's signature came on the the 3rd hole: "Readers interested in getting a 9 on open 340 yard Par 4, listen up. Hit two shots into the water and three-putt and you can get a 9 just like I did."
There are plans for the Tour to expand later this week after memorial services for "The Hermanator," who died in Topeka, KS at 88 several weeks ago.
The four attached photos show McGillicutty hitting two horrible shots on the 230 yard downhill par 3 14th hole, then seeking a 2nd mulligan ball from the Garbage Man. "One wasn't enough. I had to hit one OB, then the other roasted over the green," he observed.
Sylvester McGillicutty was storming towards 100 on the Bad Golf Tour June 26, but he couldn't quite sustain his badness for 18 holes, instead settling for a 92 on the par 71 layout out Lake Arlington Golf Course in North Texas. "I was storming towards 100 on the easiest course we've played in years," he told reporters.
The Bad Golf Tour played its first event at Lake Arlington, and it proved fruitful for Skeeter Garbaginski, who fired a 39 on the front (par 35), despite a bogey on the easy ninth hole, after McGillicutty reminded him if he parred he would shoot a 38. "The bastard jinxed me," the Garbage Man said, "Then he started getting all antsy on the back, complaining over and over about the pace of play and I started worrying about it too. He completely threw me off."
As usual, both players gave lessons in badness. McGillicutty's signature came on the the 3rd hole: "Readers interested in getting a 9 on open 340 yard Par 4, listen up. Hit two shots into the water and three-putt and you can get a 9 just like I did."
There are plans for the Tour to expand later this week after memorial services for "The Hermanator," who died in Topeka, KS at 88 several weeks ago.
The four attached photos show McGillicutty hitting two horrible shots on the 230 yard downhill par 3 14th hole, then seeking a 2nd mulligan ball from the Garbage Man. "One wasn't enough. I had to hit one OB, then the other roasted over the green," he observed.
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McGillicutty's Dominate on Father's Day
Sylvester McGillicutty and his son Wilbur dominated on the Bad Golf Tour June 19 at Riverside Golf in Grand Prairie, Texas. McGillicutty crushed his long-time nemesis Skeeter Garbaginski 87 to 90, and Wilbur started out with two consecutive pars, an unheard of feat for him, en route to to his 101, only 11 over par by Bad Golf standards (a bogey score of 90 equating to par for Bad Golf Tour members). All three payed tribute to the great all-time Bad Golf Tour veteran "THE HERMANATOR," who passed away two weeks ago. Skulled chips, missed four-foot putts and yanked tee shots all paid tribute to the Hermanator. On another hot Texas day, a slight southerly breeze kept the heat index from completely rising out of control. Garbanginski started strongly, standard fare for Riverside, then slowly lost his way after the fifth hole (also standard fare), which he'd completed in one-over par. His mantra was to birdie number 18, one of the toughest holes on the Bad Golf Tour. He nearly kept his prediction, lacing a career best drive to a spot where you couldn't have perfectly dropped it by hand any more effectively, then hit a super 5-iron to 14 feet right and below the hole. His birdie putt was two feet short and right, but a par was way better than the triple bogey 7 he typically gets on the hole. On this Father's Day, with the U.S. Open waiting on the tube at home, play slowed on the second tee. The threesome wondered about getting the marshal out to move things along, and the Garbage Man remarked, "You're not going to get the marshal out on the second hole." He opened with a double bogey, his second shot, "which would have been perfect if it hadn't hit that branch" leading to a chip and three-putt for his 6. The younger McGillicutty attributed his super 2-hole start to eating 2 hot breakfast tacos in the cart: "The trick is to eat two hot tacos so you burn your mouth." After the Garbage Man parred the short par 5 second hole, Sylvester said, "That's a routine par 4 for the pros." After shooting an 8 on the par 3 13th holed, Wilbur said: "I got more than your scores combined on that hole." His father parred and the Garbage Man bogeyed. The three attached action photos are of Wilbur on the 13th, hitting one of the toughest chips in the history of the Bad Golf Tour, which led to his quintiple bogey. Members salute the Hermanator, and you can follow his life at the following link: http://www.dovecremation.com/obituary/120137/Herman-Reichwein-Simon/Topeka-Kansas. |
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Making Peace with an All-Time Great Course
Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty made Bad Golf peace with the Topeka Country Club last week, considered the toughest and most challenging course on the Bad Golf Tour. The Tour veterans shot 90 and 94 respectively last week in a spiritual round, as the ability to play the course will be severely hampered in the future due to life and family considerations. "We may get to play this summer if we're lucky. But the place has a lot of great memories, and it's sad to think we are winding down our time there," the Garbage Man said.
Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty made Bad Golf peace with the Topeka Country Club last week, considered the toughest and most challenging course on the Bad Golf Tour. The Tour veterans shot 90 and 94 respectively last week in a spiritual round, as the ability to play the course will be severely hampered in the future due to life and family considerations. "We may get to play this summer if we're lucky. But the place has a lot of great memories, and it's sad to think we are winding down our time there," the Garbage Man said.
The vets capped off their round with a selfie and a couple of pops at the bar, sitting in the crisp spring air reminiscing about past rounds and the course's ability to destroy confidence. One of McGillicutty's fondest memories was a deep run in the annual Divot Derby with the Hermanator as his partner: "Man, everyone lined the fairways during the playoff. It was so intense. I don't know how the pros do it. What an awesome feeling."
Both players kept up their Bad Golf reputations, as McGillicutty "Hermed" two chips on 15 for one of his signature quadruple bogies. "It was a spectacular display of bad chipping," he snided. The Garbage Man, who was even after 4 holes, with a birdie, was a double bogey machine the rest of the front. "Disaster," was all he could muster saying.
The players had hoped to set a new time record, as the course was deserted. With a previous 18-hole best time of 2 hours and five minutes, the partners finished the front in 1:09. "The carts at the Country Club are super quick. We figured they probably save you 30 seconds a hole. That could have been nine minutes for the round," McGillicutty continued.
The joy of the round took over, and as the two caught other players on the back, they chose to bask in the perfect spring weather, marveling at the budding leaves, birds singing and squirrels romping. "We dialed it way back and just hung out," McGillicutty observed.
He had several signature quotes as well, at one point marveling at his ability to leave chip shots short, "You'd think after 47 years of playing golf, I would have learned to never be short of the hole," McGillicutty said on 14 after dumping his chip into the front side bunker.
His other quote came as the round neared its end, "I wish I had all my greens fees back from playing golf. Then maybe I could retire. And play golf," he chuckled.
A Bad Golf Christmas
The Garbaginski family, joined by Bad Golf Tour veteran Sylvester McGillicutty, ushered in Christmas with a superior bad golf round December 23 at Bear Creek Golf Course, Dallas, TX. As happened frequently in the 2015 season, McGillicutty played a "tale of two nine's," butchering the front, then fighting back instinctively on the back, shooting 58-44, to take third place behind Skeeter Garbaginski (44-44-88) and his son Arrow (49-42-91). The youngest member of the tour, Felicity Garbaginski, known for her smiling face and zest for life, picked up her ball just enough during the round to not receive a final score, though her driving improved immensely after McGilliculty told her to open her stance, allowing her drives to split the fairway rather than land in the trees to the right. "Maybe I have a future as a teaching pro," McGillicutty mused.
Temperatures rose to 76 degrees during the round, and an 18 mph wind baffled the players when it came to club selection. (Pictures below are of the Garbaginski family; story continues below).
The Garbaginski family, joined by Bad Golf Tour veteran Sylvester McGillicutty, ushered in Christmas with a superior bad golf round December 23 at Bear Creek Golf Course, Dallas, TX. As happened frequently in the 2015 season, McGillicutty played a "tale of two nine's," butchering the front, then fighting back instinctively on the back, shooting 58-44, to take third place behind Skeeter Garbaginski (44-44-88) and his son Arrow (49-42-91). The youngest member of the tour, Felicity Garbaginski, known for her smiling face and zest for life, picked up her ball just enough during the round to not receive a final score, though her driving improved immensely after McGilliculty told her to open her stance, allowing her drives to split the fairway rather than land in the trees to the right. "Maybe I have a future as a teaching pro," McGillicutty mused.
Temperatures rose to 76 degrees during the round, and an 18 mph wind baffled the players when it came to club selection. (Pictures below are of the Garbaginski family; story continues below).
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Young Arrow Garbaginski, a powerful 142 lbs., hit four drives 300+ yards, despite having played only eight times all year, and not at all since August. Skeeter had four rockets as well, and twice out-drove Arrow by 10 yards, making up for Arrow playing the blues 50 yards behind the white tees, where Skeeter teed it up. "Age has some benefits -- like playing the whites," Skeeter observed.
As the round began, McGillicutty made several signature sour remarks about his game, and when challenged by his partner Garbaginski about his New Year's resolution to be positive, he responded, "Hey, I've got 8 more days of grumpiness left." But much of his frustration was deserved as his front nine included two snowmen and a 10. As he reached number 8, a short downhill par 3 on the West Course, he observed, "I can par out for a 54." He promptly four putted for a double, then doubled number 9 for his 58. When the round concluded he sighed and observed, "That 14 stroke margin of victory for the Garbage Man on the front is the biggest margin of victory all year on nine holes." The Bad Golf Tour looks forward to the New Year and wishes all our readers the best. |
McGillicutty Claims Last Bad Golf Tour Event of the Regular Season
Battling hard all season on the Bad Golf Tour, Sylvester McGillicutty brought home the hardware for the second time in a battle with Skeeter "Garbage Man" Garbaginski October 17 at Links at Land's End in Yantis, TX. On the par 71 layout, "Gill" carded a 90 to finish one over par in the Bad Golf scoring system, as the Garbage Man crashed with a double bogey 7 on the par 5 finishing hole, to finish 3-over at 92.
The greens tortured the Garbage Man throughout the day, as multiple three-putts thwarted his effort to continue his domination of Gill, who announced on the opening hole, "Five pars should be easy on this course." That's exactly what he did.
The mantra for the day was "I don't like this hole" as both players recounted why they screwed them up. The Garbage Man, for example, said on the par 5 Sixth, "I hate this hole. The best I've ever gotten is a bogey, and I've cheated every time." He then hit a perfect drive, laid up in front of the much in two, then wedged to 18 feet for a snaking two-putt real life par. "I guess I need to reverse jinx myself like that all the time," he observed wryly. The Garbage Man is pictured above, trying to take one of his stupid shots, assuming he could hook a five iron around the tree and onto the green. Instead it hit the tree, bounding 100 yards into the adjacent fairway.
Gill noted on the par 3 fifth after chunking his tee shot, "This should be an easy bogey," then nailed his wedge to 12 feet and hit a dangerous down hiller that drained for his par.
Gill saved his round on the par 3 15th as the Garbage Man mounted his usual back nine comeback. Gill took his mulligan after flubbing his tee shot, then chipped on and miraculously two-putted from 47 feet for his double bogey. "On most rounds, that's a quadruple bogey easy," he said.
The Bad Golf Tour now goes into the doldrums, though there are expectations that another round or two could occur before hurricanes destroy Texas.
Battling hard all season on the Bad Golf Tour, Sylvester McGillicutty brought home the hardware for the second time in a battle with Skeeter "Garbage Man" Garbaginski October 17 at Links at Land's End in Yantis, TX. On the par 71 layout, "Gill" carded a 90 to finish one over par in the Bad Golf scoring system, as the Garbage Man crashed with a double bogey 7 on the par 5 finishing hole, to finish 3-over at 92.
The greens tortured the Garbage Man throughout the day, as multiple three-putts thwarted his effort to continue his domination of Gill, who announced on the opening hole, "Five pars should be easy on this course." That's exactly what he did.
The mantra for the day was "I don't like this hole" as both players recounted why they screwed them up. The Garbage Man, for example, said on the par 5 Sixth, "I hate this hole. The best I've ever gotten is a bogey, and I've cheated every time." He then hit a perfect drive, laid up in front of the much in two, then wedged to 18 feet for a snaking two-putt real life par. "I guess I need to reverse jinx myself like that all the time," he observed wryly. The Garbage Man is pictured above, trying to take one of his stupid shots, assuming he could hook a five iron around the tree and onto the green. Instead it hit the tree, bounding 100 yards into the adjacent fairway.
Gill noted on the par 3 fifth after chunking his tee shot, "This should be an easy bogey," then nailed his wedge to 12 feet and hit a dangerous down hiller that drained for his par.
Gill saved his round on the par 3 15th as the Garbage Man mounted his usual back nine comeback. Gill took his mulligan after flubbing his tee shot, then chipped on and miraculously two-putted from 47 feet for his double bogey. "On most rounds, that's a quadruple bogey easy," he said.
The Bad Golf Tour now goes into the doldrums, though there are expectations that another round or two could occur before hurricanes destroy Texas.
Brothers Reunion Bad Golf Tour Event Won in Record 346
The Brothers Reunion (BR) four-day Bad Golf Tour event was won by Skeeter Garbaginski in a record 346 (84, 86, 85, 91) September 24-27 in Guthrie, Oklahoma. The annual event, including Bells Ringer, Herman Von Lichtensteinmeister (the "Hermanator") and Sylvester McGillicutty, was played this year on the Aqua Canyon and Cimarron National courses in Guthrie, Roman Nose in Watonga and Lakeside in Stillwater. The four veterans agreed Roman Nose was the most scenic, and perhaps hardest test ever on the Bad Golf Tour, with incredible vistas, a great price and total silence on the course.
(Story continues below photos.)
The Brothers Reunion (BR) four-day Bad Golf Tour event was won by Skeeter Garbaginski in a record 346 (84, 86, 85, 91) September 24-27 in Guthrie, Oklahoma. The annual event, including Bells Ringer, Herman Von Lichtensteinmeister (the "Hermanator") and Sylvester McGillicutty, was played this year on the Aqua Canyon and Cimarron National courses in Guthrie, Roman Nose in Watonga and Lakeside in Stillwater. The four veterans agreed Roman Nose was the most scenic, and perhaps hardest test ever on the Bad Golf Tour, with incredible vistas, a great price and total silence on the course.
(Story continues below photos.)
Ringer and McGillicutty finished respectively with 370 (87, 99, 88, 96) and 378 (91 99 92, 96). The Hermanator, now 88-years-old, hung in there. His moral victory was several 120-yard tee shots and learning that his 8-iron now goes 70 yards rather than 80. A continuous learner, the Hermanator acknowledged his need for rest and after playing 16 holes on day one, dropped to 14 on day two, then 12 on both day three and four.
On Saturday, the players had to make a quick revision on the course. After the Garbage Man (Garbaginski) was handed the reins for all future golf course planning for BR due to his sterling course selection, the players were stunned to find the fee was $342 apiece for Saturday's round. Having not examined this option before traveling to Stillwater, and knowing the course was not Pebble Beach or Whistling Straits, all four Bad Golfers agreed on the need to play elsewhere and were nicely directed to Lakeside.
Below is a summary of some of the best quotes that emerged from the four days.
Ringer on #9 Sunday: "That’s not my ball, it’s too clean."
Ringer again on Sunday, after his ball rested near a railroad tie: “Can I move it off a man-made object?" When told yest, he laughed and said, "We can use any rule we come up with to move it."
McGillicutty on #2 on Thursday: "What are you (talking to himself), 30 yards from the green in 2? That’s an easy 6."
McGillicutty, then the Hermanator: "With a lie like that, the ball is supposed to go left." After the shot went right, the Hermanator commented, "That shot defied the laws of physics."
McGillicutty: "How short is this hole? Short enough for a double."
After round one: "Pretty good start gentlemen, but it's all downhill from here." Combined quote from Ringer and McGillicutty.
When asked whether a putt was a gimmee for par, the Garbage Man replied, "Let your conscience decide." Ringer countered, "I'll take a par, I don’t have a conscience."
And finally, McGillicutty on #18 Saturday when his tee shot on the par 3 found the flower bed left and behind the green: "I''ll take a bogey from the flower bed any day."
BR 2016 is now only 358 days away. Check out the Bad Golf book by Dave Simon on Amazon or Barnes and Noble.
Rules Broken Before Bad Golf Round Even Starts
Local rules were broken yesterday before the Bad Golf round even started. As Bad Golf Tour veterans Skeeter Garbaginski (Garbage Man) and Sylvester McGillicutty (Gill) were driving their cart from the clubhouse, a quick bump dislodged five balls from the cart dashboard and sent them rolling. Oddly, one disappeared. Because Gill was short golf balls, having just recently mail ordered some Dynaflite's for 75 cents a ball, he coerced Garbage Man to go back and break the law by using his 7 iron under a security fence to save a fresh Nike ball (See attached photos). The area was protected by security cameras and posted to, "Stay out you loser golfers."
"We would never have gone back if he wasn't such a cheapskate," Garbage Man observed.
Local rules were broken yesterday before the Bad Golf round even started. As Bad Golf Tour veterans Skeeter Garbaginski (Garbage Man) and Sylvester McGillicutty (Gill) were driving their cart from the clubhouse, a quick bump dislodged five balls from the cart dashboard and sent them rolling. Oddly, one disappeared. Because Gill was short golf balls, having just recently mail ordered some Dynaflite's for 75 cents a ball, he coerced Garbage Man to go back and break the law by using his 7 iron under a security fence to save a fresh Nike ball (See attached photos). The area was protected by security cameras and posted to, "Stay out you loser golfers."
"We would never have gone back if he wasn't such a cheapskate," Garbage Man observed.
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'"The game is hard enough without playing by the rules," Gill said in defense, boldly predicting a round under 100 for himself, after a disastrous 115 the previous weekend in Houston that started double, triple, double, double, "then went downhill from there." By the third hole, things were humming, September 13, under slightly cloudy skies, a southerly breeze and lower-than-normal temperatures. Gill hit his tee shot out of bounds right into the apartment complex, and after debating climbing the iron fence, found a guy out with his dog who agreed to throw it back to him. Since the dog walker found two balls, Gill was suddenly "up two" for the day (See attached photo). Two players partnered up for the day with Garbage Man and Gill at Fossil Creek Golf Course, Fort Worth, Texas, found some Bad Golf of their own, hitting a squirrel on a chip destined for the green. "I hit it right where I wanted to, but the squirrel got in the way." On the fourth, Gill hit a rocket chip that should have gotten lucky and rolled onto the elevated green, but it hit mud and stuck in the muck. "That was bad luck," Garbage Man said, since the ball should have rolled onto the green even though it was poorly hit. "Nah, every skulled shot deserves to turn out badly," Gill countered. Over the next several holes, McGillicutty "broke the unbreakable tee. That's how bad that shot was." He'd recently purchased tees described as unbreakable for an exorbitant fee, and they were also advertised that they can't be lost due to their bright color. Gill proved both advertising slogans wrong. Both players had decent moments, as Garbage Man finished with a 90 and Gill a 94, but the round deteriorated seriously over the last few holes. After an epic meltdown, Gill admonished himself, "That's 45 years of not learning what I can and can't do. Now I'm staring at another triple." Gill crushed his second shot on 16, then took four chips to get on the green from eight feet off. A fluff, then a skull and another fluff did him in. Garbage Man nailed a par on the same hole, then he collapsed on 17 and 18, topping multiple shots, hitting it into the creek, sand trap and three putting to finish double, triple and right at the Bad Golf par score of 90. "Man, I was thinking for sure it was going to be a 2-under 88, but I completely lost it," he said. As the players pulled away from 18, Gill said happily, "Well at least I was up six for the day," referring to the 12 balls he found to offset the 6 he lost, given him a net gain of six balls. "That's going to be our new way to keep score and determine a successful round -- how many balls you're up for the day," he said wryly. |
A New Definition of Par
The Bad Golf Tour Commissioner today redefined par, making it 90 for a course the pros play in 72. "Anyone who now breaks 90 on formerly par 72 course will be deemed under par for the round," he said.
The decision came after another feeble attempt by Bad Golf Tour veterans Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty to break 90 at Bear Creek West Golf Course on Dallas-Ft. Worth Airport land August 30 (respectively, they shot 90 and 95). After a 50 on the front, McGillicutty observed, "Nothing above a bogey on the back," then promptly double bogeyed 10 to throw that idea out. "I broke the rule on the first hole. Now you have to grind.
(Story finishes below photos)
The Bad Golf Tour Commissioner today redefined par, making it 90 for a course the pros play in 72. "Anyone who now breaks 90 on formerly par 72 course will be deemed under par for the round," he said.
The decision came after another feeble attempt by Bad Golf Tour veterans Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty to break 90 at Bear Creek West Golf Course on Dallas-Ft. Worth Airport land August 30 (respectively, they shot 90 and 95). After a 50 on the front, McGillicutty observed, "Nothing above a bogey on the back," then promptly double bogeyed 10 to throw that idea out. "I broke the rule on the first hole. Now you have to grind.
(Story finishes below photos)
As the round wore on, the players discussed changing par to 90 for bad golfers on the premise that a bogey for them is like a par for the pros. After calling the commissioner and getting his agreement, both were ecstatic. "Man, now if I shoot an 87, I can tell everyone I was three under," the Garbage Man mused.
By the 12th hole, McGillicutty fortuitously fired a tee shot into the sticker bushes by I-360 and since he was low on balls, he plowed into the underbrush, pulling out a Callaway, Noodle and Top-Flite, while leaving 12 other balls more deeply buried in the thick growth. "It was a ball farm in there," he said after emerging.
The tour veterans were joined by two other local players who could easily join the Bad Golf Tour except for one hole, where both had gimmee birdie putts (see attached photo). Garbaginski had the third ball pictured, but his was for a tap-in par (which would be a birdie under the newly structure Bad Golf scoring system).
Jordan Speith Can't Save McGillicutty
Even Jordan Speith couldn't save Sylvester McGillicutty's Bad Golf round August 16 at Twin Creeks Golf Course in Allen, TX. After another multiple week layoff, McGillicutty expected to come out fresh, but like most bad golfers, the opposite occurred as he played erratically to shoot a 97, bowing once again to playing partner Skeeter Garbaginski's 88.
As the Garbage Man walked up to the practice range, he watched Sylvester hack and top shot after shot, lunging rapidly at the ball and dipping his shoulder precipitously. He offered advice, "Slow Down," but it went unheeded once the players hit the course.
McGillicutty quickly invented new adjectives to describe his badness (See attached photo of him preparing to break his putter). Starting on the back nine for no known reason, the twosome came to number 14, a short par 4, where McGillicutty skulled his third shot across the green and under a bush. "That's an unplayable. Here comes my first eight," he said. Miraculously, he putted out and across the the green in four, then back on in five, and two-putted from there to save his triple bogey 7.
His putting (43 putt for the round) was disastrous from the start, prompting him to take on the Jordan Speith model and look at the hole on close putts. This didn't change the result, so Spieth is safe as the best man in world golf right now.
Finishing up the front, McGillicutty observed, "I"m storming towards a 120." On the back nine, he quickly recovered with two pars and a (gadzooks) birdie on the first five holes, causing the Garbage Man's bowels to loosen. Garbaginski also discovered his eight iron was missing, and it was never recovered, putting him at a massive disadvantage the rest of the round (the Bad Golf Blog asks you to please contact us if you have a spare Taylor Made eight iron).
The advantage for McGillicutty didn't last, as he deteriorated down the stretch, including multiple bad shots in a row, after which he wryly observed, "That was four bad shots in a row. Typically I only hit two bad ones in a row. That's how bad my game is."
The players survived a major scare after the third hole, taking a wrong turn where no signage existed to show where the next hole was, and ending up in an open field that felt like an Alfred Hitchcock movie. They were able to right their cart and get back on the course. "Boy, even if you're sober, you could get lost there," the Garbage Man observed.
Even Jordan Speith couldn't save Sylvester McGillicutty's Bad Golf round August 16 at Twin Creeks Golf Course in Allen, TX. After another multiple week layoff, McGillicutty expected to come out fresh, but like most bad golfers, the opposite occurred as he played erratically to shoot a 97, bowing once again to playing partner Skeeter Garbaginski's 88.
As the Garbage Man walked up to the practice range, he watched Sylvester hack and top shot after shot, lunging rapidly at the ball and dipping his shoulder precipitously. He offered advice, "Slow Down," but it went unheeded once the players hit the course.
McGillicutty quickly invented new adjectives to describe his badness (See attached photo of him preparing to break his putter). Starting on the back nine for no known reason, the twosome came to number 14, a short par 4, where McGillicutty skulled his third shot across the green and under a bush. "That's an unplayable. Here comes my first eight," he said. Miraculously, he putted out and across the the green in four, then back on in five, and two-putted from there to save his triple bogey 7.
His putting (43 putt for the round) was disastrous from the start, prompting him to take on the Jordan Speith model and look at the hole on close putts. This didn't change the result, so Spieth is safe as the best man in world golf right now.
Finishing up the front, McGillicutty observed, "I"m storming towards a 120." On the back nine, he quickly recovered with two pars and a (gadzooks) birdie on the first five holes, causing the Garbage Man's bowels to loosen. Garbaginski also discovered his eight iron was missing, and it was never recovered, putting him at a massive disadvantage the rest of the round (the Bad Golf Blog asks you to please contact us if you have a spare Taylor Made eight iron).
The advantage for McGillicutty didn't last, as he deteriorated down the stretch, including multiple bad shots in a row, after which he wryly observed, "That was four bad shots in a row. Typically I only hit two bad ones in a row. That's how bad my game is."
The players survived a major scare after the third hole, taking a wrong turn where no signage existed to show where the next hole was, and ending up in an open field that felt like an Alfred Hitchcock movie. They were able to right their cart and get back on the course. "Boy, even if you're sober, you could get lost there," the Garbage Man observed.
The Most Maniacal Bad Golf Course Ever
The Bad Golf Tour took briefly to the Upper Peninsula (UP or "Yooper" for the uninitiated) in Michigan August 6-7, playing the most maniacal course ever in Grey Walls. Tour vet Skeeter Garbaginski was immediately bamboozled on the first hole. After a perfect tee shot, a dubbed three wood, a perfect utility club that appeared to roll up and on the green on the Par 5, he found a treacherous chip awaiting. Hit perfectly and softly, the ball landed multiple feet short of the hole, only to slip off the other side. Trying again, the Garbage Man got tortured after another lofted chip landed well short of the hole before sliding all the far side. Knowing more unfairness awaited, he picked up for a snowman to start the round.
He followed this up with a triple bogey on the second hole, which included another dubbed shot, pathetic chip, and a second chip that he started at an ant's pace down the hill to the hole, watching it roll 85 feet below. Miraculously, he two-putted for the triple. Bad Golf Tour newcomer, Vi King Ship, polished a seven iron onto the second hole for his third shot from 150, landing it inches from the hole, then four putting for his triple as well. Vi King Ship was coming off a 10-year layoff from the last time he played.
The Garbage Man recovered with several consecutive pars and a majestic 8-iron from 150 that rolls to 8 inches from the cup, just missing an eagle. The course winds through the mountains outside Marquette, Michigan, and overlooks Lake Superior and multiple holes. Stunning views and craggy lies were the norm, as the course wound up and down, molded to the original mountain terrain.
Garbaginski shot 43, then began the back similar to the front, four putting for a triple on 10, three putting for a bogey on 11, then three putting for a double on 12, before exploding for a 10 on hole number 13. As he finished up, drained from trying to get out of a British Open-style bunker which killed three strokes, their playing partner the tour guide, JC, said, "The toughest hole on the course is coming up."
"That's just great," the Garbage Man replied, "I've started triple, bogey, double and quintuple and NOW we're gonna play the toughest hole on the course? That's just lovely." He promptly parred with a magical six iron from 165 that stopped 15 feet above the hole. "How'd that happen?," he said. That set off another string of solid play for Garbaginski, including a closing birdie on 18 when his 15-foot eagle putt went just left. His 43-47 felt just about right, and the scenery and company made it all worth the price.
Vi King Ship is pictured in the photo. If you look closely, you can see his ball air mailing into the woods on the right, a popular place throughout the day.
The Bad Golf Tour took briefly to the Upper Peninsula (UP or "Yooper" for the uninitiated) in Michigan August 6-7, playing the most maniacal course ever in Grey Walls. Tour vet Skeeter Garbaginski was immediately bamboozled on the first hole. After a perfect tee shot, a dubbed three wood, a perfect utility club that appeared to roll up and on the green on the Par 5, he found a treacherous chip awaiting. Hit perfectly and softly, the ball landed multiple feet short of the hole, only to slip off the other side. Trying again, the Garbage Man got tortured after another lofted chip landed well short of the hole before sliding all the far side. Knowing more unfairness awaited, he picked up for a snowman to start the round.
He followed this up with a triple bogey on the second hole, which included another dubbed shot, pathetic chip, and a second chip that he started at an ant's pace down the hill to the hole, watching it roll 85 feet below. Miraculously, he two-putted for the triple. Bad Golf Tour newcomer, Vi King Ship, polished a seven iron onto the second hole for his third shot from 150, landing it inches from the hole, then four putting for his triple as well. Vi King Ship was coming off a 10-year layoff from the last time he played.
The Garbage Man recovered with several consecutive pars and a majestic 8-iron from 150 that rolls to 8 inches from the cup, just missing an eagle. The course winds through the mountains outside Marquette, Michigan, and overlooks Lake Superior and multiple holes. Stunning views and craggy lies were the norm, as the course wound up and down, molded to the original mountain terrain.
Garbaginski shot 43, then began the back similar to the front, four putting for a triple on 10, three putting for a bogey on 11, then three putting for a double on 12, before exploding for a 10 on hole number 13. As he finished up, drained from trying to get out of a British Open-style bunker which killed three strokes, their playing partner the tour guide, JC, said, "The toughest hole on the course is coming up."
"That's just great," the Garbage Man replied, "I've started triple, bogey, double and quintuple and NOW we're gonna play the toughest hole on the course? That's just lovely." He promptly parred with a magical six iron from 165 that stopped 15 feet above the hole. "How'd that happen?," he said. That set off another string of solid play for Garbaginski, including a closing birdie on 18 when his 15-foot eagle putt went just left. His 43-47 felt just about right, and the scenery and company made it all worth the price.
Vi King Ship is pictured in the photo. If you look closely, you can see his ball air mailing into the woods on the right, a popular place throughout the day.
"Watch Out For Those Guys On The Green"
"Watch out for those guys on the green," Skeeter Garbaginski yelled, right as Sylvester McGillicutty (pictured here) teed off on the Par 3 17th hole at Iron Horse Golf Club in North Richland Hills, TX, July 11. Actually it was just a practice swing, but it sure looks good. "Too bad he doesn't play as well as this swing looks," the Garbage Man joked, though McGillicutty did hit an 89 on the par 70 layout. Even one of his season best rounds on the Bad Golf Tour didn't prevent him from falling to the Garbage Man's 86.
As 100-degree temps funneled into the Dallas-Ft. Worth metro area, both players looked for shade and water at every opportunity. McGillicutty vowed again to change his swing thought for the day: "My swing thought for the day is not to have a swing thought." After four holes, he said, "I lied. My swing thought is to decelerate on my downswing." It appeared to help in light of his solid final score.
But, he continued to struggle to meet his goal for the year of playing a round with no double bogeys. After the front nine, he wryly observed, "Well, I don't have any double bogeys, but I do have an 8 on a par 5." After a putt on 15, he said, "I thought it would break to the water but it went straight. Other than the three-putt, lost ball and horrible third shot that I yanked into the railroad car, I played the hole pretty well and maybe should gotten a par."
The Tour has been indefinitely suspended due to McGillicutty's full-time job travel. He plans to return and play even worse than usual.
"Watch out for those guys on the green," Skeeter Garbaginski yelled, right as Sylvester McGillicutty (pictured here) teed off on the Par 3 17th hole at Iron Horse Golf Club in North Richland Hills, TX, July 11. Actually it was just a practice swing, but it sure looks good. "Too bad he doesn't play as well as this swing looks," the Garbage Man joked, though McGillicutty did hit an 89 on the par 70 layout. Even one of his season best rounds on the Bad Golf Tour didn't prevent him from falling to the Garbage Man's 86.
As 100-degree temps funneled into the Dallas-Ft. Worth metro area, both players looked for shade and water at every opportunity. McGillicutty vowed again to change his swing thought for the day: "My swing thought for the day is not to have a swing thought." After four holes, he said, "I lied. My swing thought is to decelerate on my downswing." It appeared to help in light of his solid final score.
But, he continued to struggle to meet his goal for the year of playing a round with no double bogeys. After the front nine, he wryly observed, "Well, I don't have any double bogeys, but I do have an 8 on a par 5." After a putt on 15, he said, "I thought it would break to the water but it went straight. Other than the three-putt, lost ball and horrible third shot that I yanked into the railroad car, I played the hole pretty well and maybe should gotten a par."
The Tour has been indefinitely suspended due to McGillicutty's full-time job travel. He plans to return and play even worse than usual.
Golf Prayer Fails
On the 13th hole of Riverside Golf Club July 5, Sylvester McGillicutty resorted to prayer on his chip shot, which led to a triple bogey on the par three (See photo). "I think I need a new technique," he observed.
His "less than stellar round" at the Grand Prairie, TX golf course, included two 8's and a 9. "My goal for the year is to play an entire round with nothing above a double bogey," he said. His playing partner Skeeter Garbaginski snorted, "Good luck with that, Sponge Bob says."
McGillicutty did have some clear skies on the front nine, canning lengthy save putts on three consecutive holes, lulling him into a false sense of security for the back nine, where he butchered several putts. "The easiest putt in the world is the 8-foot come-backer for bogey," Garbaginski said.
As his front nine went down the tubes on the par five 6th hole, a long, dogleg left, uphill along the river, McGillicutty explained, "I hit that last iron shot flush. Flush into the river."
Garbaginski, who never before has gotten below a triple bogey on the Bad Golf Tour on the diabolical par 4 18th hole, came to it today needing a bogey for a 39 on the back. Predictably, he got a double bogey for a 40, and 83 overall. "At least I didn't triple it again," he said happily.
On the 13th hole of Riverside Golf Club July 5, Sylvester McGillicutty resorted to prayer on his chip shot, which led to a triple bogey on the par three (See photo). "I think I need a new technique," he observed.
His "less than stellar round" at the Grand Prairie, TX golf course, included two 8's and a 9. "My goal for the year is to play an entire round with nothing above a double bogey," he said. His playing partner Skeeter Garbaginski snorted, "Good luck with that, Sponge Bob says."
McGillicutty did have some clear skies on the front nine, canning lengthy save putts on three consecutive holes, lulling him into a false sense of security for the back nine, where he butchered several putts. "The easiest putt in the world is the 8-foot come-backer for bogey," Garbaginski said.
As his front nine went down the tubes on the par five 6th hole, a long, dogleg left, uphill along the river, McGillicutty explained, "I hit that last iron shot flush. Flush into the river."
Garbaginski, who never before has gotten below a triple bogey on the Bad Golf Tour on the diabolical par 4 18th hole, came to it today needing a bogey for a 39 on the back. Predictably, he got a double bogey for a 40, and 83 overall. "At least I didn't triple it again," he said happily.
BAD GOLF PREDICTIONS FOR CHAMBERS BAY
Bad Golf Superstar Sylvester McGillicutty put on his "Predictor Cap" after watching many of the pros succumb to Chambers Bay in the 2015 U.S. Open. As is his wont, McGillicutty put a humorous spin on his statement:
"I predict if the Bad Golf Tour played Chambers Bay from the tips in U.S. open conditions, our 18-hole scores would be as follows: Skeeter Garbaginski, medalist, 141; Bells Ringer, second, 158; Sylvester McGillicutty, last, 197, with 23 penalty strokes and playing the last three holes using a 4-iron to putt due to an unfortunate incident with his regular putter on the 15th green after taking six attempts to hole out from 18 feet."
"That's playing by the rules of golf and no picking up after double par," he said.
"Did you see that one guy hit the same chip like five times and it rolled right back down to his feet every time and he ended up with a ten?" McGillicutty asked his partners.
"None of us would have a single two-putt on any of those greens unless we blind-luck hit an approach shot stiff," he added.
"I think you severely underestimate our scores," Ringer replied. "Playing from the tips, there are many fairways we may never reach," Ringer added.
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Bad Golf Superstar Sylvester McGillicutty put on his "Predictor Cap" after watching many of the pros succumb to Chambers Bay in the 2015 U.S. Open. As is his wont, McGillicutty put a humorous spin on his statement:
"I predict if the Bad Golf Tour played Chambers Bay from the tips in U.S. open conditions, our 18-hole scores would be as follows: Skeeter Garbaginski, medalist, 141; Bells Ringer, second, 158; Sylvester McGillicutty, last, 197, with 23 penalty strokes and playing the last three holes using a 4-iron to putt due to an unfortunate incident with his regular putter on the 15th green after taking six attempts to hole out from 18 feet."
"That's playing by the rules of golf and no picking up after double par," he said.
"Did you see that one guy hit the same chip like five times and it rolled right back down to his feet every time and he ended up with a ten?" McGillicutty asked his partners.
"None of us would have a single two-putt on any of those greens unless we blind-luck hit an approach shot stiff," he added.
"I think you severely underestimate our scores," Ringer replied. "Playing from the tips, there are many fairways we may never reach," Ringer added.
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Only the power of positive Bad Golf thinking kept this ball from going into the bunker at the Samoset Resort Golf Course, Rockland, ME, the "Pebble Beach Beast of the East."
The bigger question is, once you move the rake, where do you get to place the ball after it moves or do you have to play it where it lays? |
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Father-Son Battle to Bad Golf Tie
Skeeter Garbaginski and his son Arrow battled to a tie on the Bad Golf Satellite Tour May 17, shooting 89's for the second time this week. Skeeter started off strong with two pars, but Arrow came right back with a par and a birdie, as Skeeter went double bogey, triple bogey. Arrow promptly gave three strokes back with a quadruple bogey. "It certainly was nice of you to let me back in the game," Skeeter announced. "It wouldn't have been any fun winning the match on the fourth hole," Arrow responded.
At the seventh on The Golf Club at Fossil Creek, Keller, TX, both players came up with weird bogeys. Utilizing his mulligan poorly, Skeeter yanked his second tee shot long and left into the trees on this dogleg uphill par 4. Arrow blistered a perfect drive. Skeeter punched a fire iron over the creek and under a tree. Arrow launched a 9-iron bomb that ended up pinned to a tree (see photo montage above). Scrambling to punch under some branches, Skeeter timed a perfect 7-iron to 11 feet and canned his second putt for the bogey. Arrow pulled off a miraculous "capture the ball on the end of a reversed wedge" (swinging right-handed with his left-handed clubs) and dropped it softly to 30 feet, where he two putted for his bogey.
The players battled back and forth the rest of the way, both finishing bogey (with a penalty stroke), bogey, par (getting up and down from the fringe) for their 89's. Due to the North Texas rain deluge the past two weeks, the players could not get across the creek on 16 and had to return to 6, 7 and 8 to play for their three finishing holes. "I came out of the round with more golf balls than I started with. That's all that matters," Arrow said wisely as they packed their clubs away.
Skeeter Garbaginski and his son Arrow battled to a tie on the Bad Golf Satellite Tour May 17, shooting 89's for the second time this week. Skeeter started off strong with two pars, but Arrow came right back with a par and a birdie, as Skeeter went double bogey, triple bogey. Arrow promptly gave three strokes back with a quadruple bogey. "It certainly was nice of you to let me back in the game," Skeeter announced. "It wouldn't have been any fun winning the match on the fourth hole," Arrow responded.
At the seventh on The Golf Club at Fossil Creek, Keller, TX, both players came up with weird bogeys. Utilizing his mulligan poorly, Skeeter yanked his second tee shot long and left into the trees on this dogleg uphill par 4. Arrow blistered a perfect drive. Skeeter punched a fire iron over the creek and under a tree. Arrow launched a 9-iron bomb that ended up pinned to a tree (see photo montage above). Scrambling to punch under some branches, Skeeter timed a perfect 7-iron to 11 feet and canned his second putt for the bogey. Arrow pulled off a miraculous "capture the ball on the end of a reversed wedge" (swinging right-handed with his left-handed clubs) and dropped it softly to 30 feet, where he two putted for his bogey.
The players battled back and forth the rest of the way, both finishing bogey (with a penalty stroke), bogey, par (getting up and down from the fringe) for their 89's. Due to the North Texas rain deluge the past two weeks, the players could not get across the creek on 16 and had to return to 6, 7 and 8 to play for their three finishing holes. "I came out of the round with more golf balls than I started with. That's all that matters," Arrow said wisely as they packed their clubs away.
The Undeserved Par
Sometimes you deserve your score in Bad Golf, whether that's good or bad. And sometimes you don't deserve the pain the course dishes out. Today, it was an undeserved par that jump-started Skeeter Garbaginski's round with his son Arrow at Chester Ditto Golf Course in Arlington, TX. On the fourth hole, the Garbage Man thought he'd play smart and not use his driver, so he topped his three wood 150 yards down the fairway. Thinking to hit it harder the next time, he topped the three wood again a similar distance, leaving him 230 yards to the green on his third shot. He hit a low liner that rolled and rolled until it stopped on the green, then two putted for a five and a par.
The undeserved par helped him to a 43 on the front nine, but both players butchered shots on the 11th, leading Garbaginski to a resounding"Dang" afterwards, followed by Arrow's response, "That about sums it up." Subbing for the Garbage Man's normal partner, Sylvester McGillicutty, Arrow added some of his signature wit to the round in lieu of McGillicutty's absence.
After two powerful shots into the trees in row that went exactly where he aimed them, Garbaginski remarked, "Well, at least I hit them straight." Arrow responded, "There's a positive take-away from every shot."
The elder Garbaginski maintained a several shot lead until the diabolical number 17, with a pond in front of the par three, and water to the left and woods behind the elevated green. He chunked two shots into the drink before chipping to 14 feet and hammering home the put for a triple bogey. "A triple instead of a double makes all the difference in the world," he observed. Not to be outdone, Arrow had been saving his mulligan and chose to use it on his putt (after bouncing his tee shot into the water on the left and taking a penalty drop, then chipping to 18 feet) which he promptly nailed for a bogey four, and closing the gap to one stroke going into 18.
A final hole par for Arrow brought him in at 89, tying the old man for honors. Pictured above is Skeeter on his signature swing. Despite predictions of rain all day, the clouds stayed dark, while the rain stayed away, with a drizzle starting after the clubs were put in the trunk, followed by a two hour downpour once they got home. The two plan to battle again Sunday.
Sometimes you deserve your score in Bad Golf, whether that's good or bad. And sometimes you don't deserve the pain the course dishes out. Today, it was an undeserved par that jump-started Skeeter Garbaginski's round with his son Arrow at Chester Ditto Golf Course in Arlington, TX. On the fourth hole, the Garbage Man thought he'd play smart and not use his driver, so he topped his three wood 150 yards down the fairway. Thinking to hit it harder the next time, he topped the three wood again a similar distance, leaving him 230 yards to the green on his third shot. He hit a low liner that rolled and rolled until it stopped on the green, then two putted for a five and a par.
The undeserved par helped him to a 43 on the front nine, but both players butchered shots on the 11th, leading Garbaginski to a resounding"Dang" afterwards, followed by Arrow's response, "That about sums it up." Subbing for the Garbage Man's normal partner, Sylvester McGillicutty, Arrow added some of his signature wit to the round in lieu of McGillicutty's absence.
After two powerful shots into the trees in row that went exactly where he aimed them, Garbaginski remarked, "Well, at least I hit them straight." Arrow responded, "There's a positive take-away from every shot."
The elder Garbaginski maintained a several shot lead until the diabolical number 17, with a pond in front of the par three, and water to the left and woods behind the elevated green. He chunked two shots into the drink before chipping to 14 feet and hammering home the put for a triple bogey. "A triple instead of a double makes all the difference in the world," he observed. Not to be outdone, Arrow had been saving his mulligan and chose to use it on his putt (after bouncing his tee shot into the water on the left and taking a penalty drop, then chipping to 18 feet) which he promptly nailed for a bogey four, and closing the gap to one stroke going into 18.
A final hole par for Arrow brought him in at 89, tying the old man for honors. Pictured above is Skeeter on his signature swing. Despite predictions of rain all day, the clouds stayed dark, while the rain stayed away, with a drizzle starting after the clubs were put in the trunk, followed by a two hour downpour once they got home. The two plan to battle again Sunday.
Fantasy vs. Reality Golf
In the world of Bad Golf, like life, we fantasize about what could have been. We imagine birdies, hitting a stiff five iron into a gusting breeze from 170 yards to 20 feet from the pin. When we hook a tee shot into the drink on number 6 at Sherrill Park Golf Course in Richardson, TX, May 2, on our mulligan, we continue the delusion. "Hmmm, if I take it out of the pond, drop two, wedge close and sink the putt, I'll still get my mulligan par. That's doable." Ah yes, the fantasy. The reality is, of course, that once you drop, you flop your wedge in the bunker for 3, then blast barely out in 4, then are so messed up that you three putt for a triple bogey 7 anyway, and you end up wondering, "Why the heck did I take that mulligan?" It's Bad Golf.
The fantasy continues that you might improve. But reality causes you to say on 9, "I need a par to break 50" on the par 35 front nine. Fantasy is sometimes saying, 'If I can just pitch out, then lay up, I might be able to take a double." Reality is reflecting on the end of the front nine, " On the last three holes, I've gone triple, triple, triple and lost like four balls."
Sometimes fantasy and reality intersect. On 14, after it looks like your tee shot lands in the fairway bunker, you awe your partners by stating, "Fairway bunkers are the easiest shot sin golf. You don't care if you screw it up because you're supposed to. That relaxes you."
The fantasy continues on 11 after the third consecutive chip comes rolling back from the elevated green to your feet. "Somehow I can put this on." With a double digit staring you in the face, it is time to surrender.
So when you get to 18, you have to acknowledge, "I lost like 8 balls today," and move on. Sylvester McGillicutty shot a 102 and Skeeter Garbaginski an 82 on the par 70 layout. It was a beautiful day in North Texas, 82 degrees, a light breeze, and no sweating. Garbaginski is pictured teeing off as McGillicutty says his prayers.
In the world of Bad Golf, like life, we fantasize about what could have been. We imagine birdies, hitting a stiff five iron into a gusting breeze from 170 yards to 20 feet from the pin. When we hook a tee shot into the drink on number 6 at Sherrill Park Golf Course in Richardson, TX, May 2, on our mulligan, we continue the delusion. "Hmmm, if I take it out of the pond, drop two, wedge close and sink the putt, I'll still get my mulligan par. That's doable." Ah yes, the fantasy. The reality is, of course, that once you drop, you flop your wedge in the bunker for 3, then blast barely out in 4, then are so messed up that you three putt for a triple bogey 7 anyway, and you end up wondering, "Why the heck did I take that mulligan?" It's Bad Golf.
The fantasy continues that you might improve. But reality causes you to say on 9, "I need a par to break 50" on the par 35 front nine. Fantasy is sometimes saying, 'If I can just pitch out, then lay up, I might be able to take a double." Reality is reflecting on the end of the front nine, " On the last three holes, I've gone triple, triple, triple and lost like four balls."
Sometimes fantasy and reality intersect. On 14, after it looks like your tee shot lands in the fairway bunker, you awe your partners by stating, "Fairway bunkers are the easiest shot sin golf. You don't care if you screw it up because you're supposed to. That relaxes you."
The fantasy continues on 11 after the third consecutive chip comes rolling back from the elevated green to your feet. "Somehow I can put this on." With a double digit staring you in the face, it is time to surrender.
So when you get to 18, you have to acknowledge, "I lost like 8 balls today," and move on. Sylvester McGillicutty shot a 102 and Skeeter Garbaginski an 82 on the par 70 layout. It was a beautiful day in North Texas, 82 degrees, a light breeze, and no sweating. Garbaginski is pictured teeing off as McGillicutty says his prayers.
"It's a Double Bogey Kinda Day"
"It's a double bogey kinda day," Sylvester McGillicutty (pictured above) observed prophetically April 25 at Indian Creek Golf Course in Carrollton, TX. Coming to life the last seven holes and using his mulligan strategically, he managed to escape the back nine with a 46 to shoot a 98. After three 8's on the front nine, he followed up with a birdie. "That killed one of those unbelievable 8's," he said.
Skeeter Garbaginski played consistently, taking honors with an 87, including a generous double bogey on 18. With four three-putts on the front, his 42 could have been lower, and he continued to hit greens and miss putts on the back. Combined, all four players in the group made one putt outside 10 feet for the round, McGillicutty's birdie on number eight.
Before teeing off, McGillucutty stated presciently, "There's a 7 or 8 lurking on every nine." He overloaded his bad shots on the front for a 52 before reviving himself on the back. Rain slammed the north Texas area the past few days, and it was cart path only, so mud balls flew and clubs remained caked with black clay despite frequent cleanings. "There were a lot of sucky holes because of the weather," the Garbage Man said, "where you had to take six clubs with you to the other side of the fairway when you got out of the cart."
The "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon is available electronically on Barnes and Noble and Amazon.
"It's a double bogey kinda day," Sylvester McGillicutty (pictured above) observed prophetically April 25 at Indian Creek Golf Course in Carrollton, TX. Coming to life the last seven holes and using his mulligan strategically, he managed to escape the back nine with a 46 to shoot a 98. After three 8's on the front nine, he followed up with a birdie. "That killed one of those unbelievable 8's," he said.
Skeeter Garbaginski played consistently, taking honors with an 87, including a generous double bogey on 18. With four three-putts on the front, his 42 could have been lower, and he continued to hit greens and miss putts on the back. Combined, all four players in the group made one putt outside 10 feet for the round, McGillicutty's birdie on number eight.
Before teeing off, McGillucutty stated presciently, "There's a 7 or 8 lurking on every nine." He overloaded his bad shots on the front for a 52 before reviving himself on the back. Rain slammed the north Texas area the past few days, and it was cart path only, so mud balls flew and clubs remained caked with black clay despite frequent cleanings. "There were a lot of sucky holes because of the weather," the Garbage Man said, "where you had to take six clubs with you to the other side of the fairway when you got out of the cart."
The "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon is available electronically on Barnes and Noble and Amazon.
BAD GOLF Watch Debuts
In a sign that "anything can make you play worse," Bad Golf Tour veteran Skeeter Garbaginski debuted the GPS watch today and shot his worst round at Mansfield National outside Fort Worth, March 29. "I got it for Christmas, but it took me until now to figure out how to program it," he said. The Garbage Man is pictured, posing with the watch. "Seriously, it worked great and gives you exact yardage to the front, middle and back of the greens, which is awesome when you are in the trees or down in gullies where the cart can't go," he said, after carting a 90 on the easiest layout on the Tour. His previous worst at Mansfield was an 88.
Playing partner Sylvester McGillicutty jumped out to his usual lead, then blew it all on 16, 17 and 18, with a 10 on the Par 5 16th and a generous 7 on 18. His swing thought for the day was, "Hold your follow through. I don't know what that does, but the pros do it."
The rock hard course lent itself to some unusual shots, including a 20-yard putt from off the green and down a slight hill on the first hole ("I'm going to do my Ernie Els on this," McGillicutty quipped.), which turned into a four putt; a 165-yard worm burner on 7 that he turned into a par; along with several other topped tee shots that rolled 200 yards. "I felt like Magilla Gorilla," the Garbage Man joked.
McGillicutty continued to worry about his iron weakness, "I hardly ever hit it flush any more. It's depressing."
Both players used their mulligan on the same hole, leading to a bogey and triple bogey, "Once again proving Dave Simon's mulligan theory that the act of using your second ball jinxes you into playing the hole just as poorly as you would have with your original shot. It was borne out again in practice today," McGillicutty observed. Simon's Bad Golf book is available at Barnes and Noble and Amazon.
In a sign that "anything can make you play worse," Bad Golf Tour veteran Skeeter Garbaginski debuted the GPS watch today and shot his worst round at Mansfield National outside Fort Worth, March 29. "I got it for Christmas, but it took me until now to figure out how to program it," he said. The Garbage Man is pictured, posing with the watch. "Seriously, it worked great and gives you exact yardage to the front, middle and back of the greens, which is awesome when you are in the trees or down in gullies where the cart can't go," he said, after carting a 90 on the easiest layout on the Tour. His previous worst at Mansfield was an 88.
Playing partner Sylvester McGillicutty jumped out to his usual lead, then blew it all on 16, 17 and 18, with a 10 on the Par 5 16th and a generous 7 on 18. His swing thought for the day was, "Hold your follow through. I don't know what that does, but the pros do it."
The rock hard course lent itself to some unusual shots, including a 20-yard putt from off the green and down a slight hill on the first hole ("I'm going to do my Ernie Els on this," McGillicutty quipped.), which turned into a four putt; a 165-yard worm burner on 7 that he turned into a par; along with several other topped tee shots that rolled 200 yards. "I felt like Magilla Gorilla," the Garbage Man joked.
McGillicutty continued to worry about his iron weakness, "I hardly ever hit it flush any more. It's depressing."
Both players used their mulligan on the same hole, leading to a bogey and triple bogey, "Once again proving Dave Simon's mulligan theory that the act of using your second ball jinxes you into playing the hole just as poorly as you would have with your original shot. It was borne out again in practice today," McGillicutty observed. Simon's Bad Golf book is available at Barnes and Noble and Amazon.
McGillicutty Hits Fence Post Twice to Win Bet
Sylvester McGillicutty topped two consecutive tee shots into a fence post 20 feet off the tee box on Number 7 at Bear Creek East, a feat never before accomplished on the Bad Golf Tour. Challenged by one of his playing partners to hit the post again after his first horrid shot, Syl cranked his second one into almost the exact same spot on the wood post, ricocheting into the woods on the right. He was offered $10,000 before the second shot, but settled for free drinks from the cart girl. "I just swung as hard as I could, and BLAM, there it was. We have the dents in the fence post to prove it," he said. McGillicutty is pictured above with two tour newcomers who were put in McGillicutty's and Skeeter Garbaginski's group February 21 at the course just SW of the Dallas-Ft. Worth Airport. Taking a 15 on the hole after a third penalty shot, Syl had to recount his strokes at the end of the hole, "I had a 15. Wait, a 14. Wait, let me count again. I think it was a 15. One in, two out, three back in, four out. Five hacked. Six back in. Seven out." And so on. "I wonder what the highest score on one hole is in the history of the PGA tour," he joked.
Disaster started immediately for both Bad Golf Tour vets. The Garbage Man jinxed both players on the first tee by calling it an easy opening hole. That, of course, led to his double and McGillicutty's quad on the Par 5. "It was a perfect Bad Golf start to the day," McGillicutty laughed. Cold weather, including a 15 MPH NW wind, led to tough shots throughout the round, including the inability of either player to reach multiple par fours into the wind despite hitting Driver-Three Wood.
Garbaginski won the round with a 99, breaking the dreaded 100 barrier by one-putting three times for pars on the back and a 46 after no pars and a 53 on the front. McGillicutty continued to reach new Bad Golf heights, skyrocketing to a 121, with 49 putts and 12 penalty strokes, both records for the Bad Golf Tour since it began keeping records three years ago. "That's 35 strokes worse than I shot I shot at Lake Park six weeks ago. That's two strokes worse per hole," he complained, vowing once again to take lessons.
Sylvester McGillicutty topped two consecutive tee shots into a fence post 20 feet off the tee box on Number 7 at Bear Creek East, a feat never before accomplished on the Bad Golf Tour. Challenged by one of his playing partners to hit the post again after his first horrid shot, Syl cranked his second one into almost the exact same spot on the wood post, ricocheting into the woods on the right. He was offered $10,000 before the second shot, but settled for free drinks from the cart girl. "I just swung as hard as I could, and BLAM, there it was. We have the dents in the fence post to prove it," he said. McGillicutty is pictured above with two tour newcomers who were put in McGillicutty's and Skeeter Garbaginski's group February 21 at the course just SW of the Dallas-Ft. Worth Airport. Taking a 15 on the hole after a third penalty shot, Syl had to recount his strokes at the end of the hole, "I had a 15. Wait, a 14. Wait, let me count again. I think it was a 15. One in, two out, three back in, four out. Five hacked. Six back in. Seven out." And so on. "I wonder what the highest score on one hole is in the history of the PGA tour," he joked.
Disaster started immediately for both Bad Golf Tour vets. The Garbage Man jinxed both players on the first tee by calling it an easy opening hole. That, of course, led to his double and McGillicutty's quad on the Par 5. "It was a perfect Bad Golf start to the day," McGillicutty laughed. Cold weather, including a 15 MPH NW wind, led to tough shots throughout the round, including the inability of either player to reach multiple par fours into the wind despite hitting Driver-Three Wood.
Garbaginski won the round with a 99, breaking the dreaded 100 barrier by one-putting three times for pars on the back and a 46 after no pars and a 53 on the front. McGillicutty continued to reach new Bad Golf heights, skyrocketing to a 121, with 49 putts and 12 penalty strokes, both records for the Bad Golf Tour since it began keeping records three years ago. "That's 35 strokes worse than I shot I shot at Lake Park six weeks ago. That's two strokes worse per hole," he complained, vowing once again to take lessons.
Bad Golf Tour Decides to Play by the Rules
For the first time in Bad Golf Tournament history, tour veterans Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty (pictured above) decided to play by the full rules of golf. The results were disastrous today (February 8) for McGillicutty, but the Garbage Man found his "A" game on the back nine, finishing with an 88, despite needing 44 putts. "No gimmees, no mulligans and no winter rules," he observed. McGillicutty finished his worst round in decades with a 109.
The players decided weeks ago to play by the exact rules to see what it's like to get an true handicap and how it would feel to participate as a bad pro. The Garbage Man bought a rules book to settle any questions, of which there were many. On the fourth hole at Plantation Golf Course in Frisco, TX, for example, McGillicutty's ball oscillated as he stood over it. Did this mean it moved? Both players decided it had not, so he was not assessed a penalty, but who really knows? After hitting three provisionals on one hole, en route to his second 9 of the day, McGillicutty asked, "How many provisionals CAN you hit?" The book had no answer. It appears it could be infinite.
The players began the day by predicting their scores. "If we play it truly, truly down, I should shoot 98," McGillicutty observed. "Good for me will be a 94; bad will be a 98," the Garbage Man predicted. "The hardest part is going to be putting because you have to make every one. That's at least three strokes there," McGillicutty said, a prescient statement for the Garbage Man's round of 44 putts. McGillicutty had his own problems with going out-of-bounds, collecting 7 penalty strokes on the day.
McGillicutty hit the ball badly all day, and at one point on the 7th hole said, "I said I wouldn't break 98, but that presumed I would hit a good shot at some point." Indicative of his problems was a fairway putter shot he hammered from the rough on 13. "When you hit a putt 125 yards and aim it at the 150-yard marker and actually hit the marker, that's not a good sign."
The Bad Golf book by Dave Simon is available electronically on Barnes and Nobel and Amazon.
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For the first time in Bad Golf Tournament history, tour veterans Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty (pictured above) decided to play by the full rules of golf. The results were disastrous today (February 8) for McGillicutty, but the Garbage Man found his "A" game on the back nine, finishing with an 88, despite needing 44 putts. "No gimmees, no mulligans and no winter rules," he observed. McGillicutty finished his worst round in decades with a 109.
The players decided weeks ago to play by the exact rules to see what it's like to get an true handicap and how it would feel to participate as a bad pro. The Garbage Man bought a rules book to settle any questions, of which there were many. On the fourth hole at Plantation Golf Course in Frisco, TX, for example, McGillicutty's ball oscillated as he stood over it. Did this mean it moved? Both players decided it had not, so he was not assessed a penalty, but who really knows? After hitting three provisionals on one hole, en route to his second 9 of the day, McGillicutty asked, "How many provisionals CAN you hit?" The book had no answer. It appears it could be infinite.
The players began the day by predicting their scores. "If we play it truly, truly down, I should shoot 98," McGillicutty observed. "Good for me will be a 94; bad will be a 98," the Garbage Man predicted. "The hardest part is going to be putting because you have to make every one. That's at least three strokes there," McGillicutty said, a prescient statement for the Garbage Man's round of 44 putts. McGillicutty had his own problems with going out-of-bounds, collecting 7 penalty strokes on the day.
McGillicutty hit the ball badly all day, and at one point on the 7th hole said, "I said I wouldn't break 98, but that presumed I would hit a good shot at some point." Indicative of his problems was a fairway putter shot he hammered from the rough on 13. "When you hit a putt 125 yards and aim it at the 150-yard marker and actually hit the marker, that's not a good sign."
The Bad Golf book by Dave Simon is available electronically on Barnes and Nobel and Amazon.
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McGillicutty Dominates in Opening Round of 2015 BAD GOLF Tour
Sylvester McGillicutty hit the ball terribly, but came away with a six shot victory over Skeeter Garbaginski in the opening round of the 2015 Bad Golf Tour. It is the third year of the tour, and Garbaginski holds a 21-2 lead in the matches, but who's counting?
The season typically opens at Mansfield National south of the DFW metro area, but the two players decided to shake things up and play the even easier Lake Park Course in Lewisville, TX. "With the wind and cold predicted for today, we figured the easiest course would be a nice start. Besides, we never play Mansfield after things have greened up around here," the Garbage Man said.
Both players have lost weight in the past year, though McGillicutty lumbered to the first tee at 12 pounds heavier than his low weight, having succumbed to a lack of exercise period after getting the flu in December. "I felt heavy today. I'm at least 10 pounds overweight," he observed. That could have contributed to him missing six consecutive 4-foot putts from the same spot on the practice green.
Sporting a new 3-wood courtesy of his wife for Christmas, McGillicutty was proud to hit one out of three shots decently in his round today, en route to an 86 on the Par 70 layout. 'That's a .333 batting average. Too bad I'm not playing baseball or that would earn me 10 million a year," he said.
Temperature at tee-off was 45 degrees, with winds hitting in excess of 20 mph during the round, both excellent reasons for Garbaginski to make excuses for his 92. "I hit my tee shots well, but losing all this weight has probably taken 15 yards off my shots and I couldn't figure out how to compensate. Plus I chipped like dog meat," he said.
McGillicutty is pictured below on the 8th tee, with a bird about the dive-bomb him.
Sylvester McGillicutty hit the ball terribly, but came away with a six shot victory over Skeeter Garbaginski in the opening round of the 2015 Bad Golf Tour. It is the third year of the tour, and Garbaginski holds a 21-2 lead in the matches, but who's counting?
The season typically opens at Mansfield National south of the DFW metro area, but the two players decided to shake things up and play the even easier Lake Park Course in Lewisville, TX. "With the wind and cold predicted for today, we figured the easiest course would be a nice start. Besides, we never play Mansfield after things have greened up around here," the Garbage Man said.
Both players have lost weight in the past year, though McGillicutty lumbered to the first tee at 12 pounds heavier than his low weight, having succumbed to a lack of exercise period after getting the flu in December. "I felt heavy today. I'm at least 10 pounds overweight," he observed. That could have contributed to him missing six consecutive 4-foot putts from the same spot on the practice green.
Sporting a new 3-wood courtesy of his wife for Christmas, McGillicutty was proud to hit one out of three shots decently in his round today, en route to an 86 on the Par 70 layout. 'That's a .333 batting average. Too bad I'm not playing baseball or that would earn me 10 million a year," he said.
Temperature at tee-off was 45 degrees, with winds hitting in excess of 20 mph during the round, both excellent reasons for Garbaginski to make excuses for his 92. "I hit my tee shots well, but losing all this weight has probably taken 15 yards off my shots and I couldn't figure out how to compensate. Plus I chipped like dog meat," he said.
McGillicutty is pictured below on the 8th tee, with a bird about the dive-bomb him.
Bad Golf Shot of the Day
To order the electronic version of the Bad Golf Book by Dave Simon, go to Barnes and Noble or Amazon, call up "Bad Golf" on books, then Dave Simon. You'll enjoy more humor like the shot below. Scroll down for more Bad Golf humor.
To order the electronic version of the Bad Golf Book by Dave Simon, go to Barnes and Noble or Amazon, call up "Bad Golf" on books, then Dave Simon. You'll enjoy more humor like the shot below. Scroll down for more Bad Golf humor.
Wind Blows Bad Golfers Away
Wind blew members of the Bad Golf Tour away November at Fossil Creek in Ft. Worth. The wind, gusting to 35 mph, took Skeeter Garbaginski's hat and deposited it in the pond behind hole number three, where he had to fish it out (as seen in the attached photo). The wind was a good excuse for their bad scores, as youngster Arrow Garbaginski took honors with a 92 after not playing since he left for college in August. The elder Garbaginski shot 95 and Sylvester McGillicutty took a 96 after shooting 43 on the front. Both were coming off their typical five week layoff to ensure pathetic play. Elmo McGillicutty, fighting a bad finger injured in flag football, rounded out the foursome with a 117. His best line of the day, after being asked his score after a hole, was, " I guess I need to start paying attention to that."
Several notable incidents occurred, including a four-putt by Skeeter after a brilliant 150-yard five iron against the wind out of a fairway bunker to 15 feet from the pin in regulation. His first putt sailed 40 feet past the hole and almost off the green, aided by the gusting wind. From there, he three-putted, which ended any hope of breaking 90 for the day. "It's the one hole that pissed me off," he said.
Sylvester had similar problems. Asking himself after a double bogey, "How do you get s six on that piece of shit? Oh, by four putting." He also nominated himself for the Bad Golf Hall of Fame, when he took an 8 on a Par 4 after hitting his drive 100 yards from the green.
Arrow joined the "Wasted Drive" Club, Chapter 15 in the Bad Golf book by Dave Simon (and available electronically at Barnes and Noble and Amazon). After driving the fringe of the 340 Par 4 fourth hole, he chipped long, then three-putted for his bogey.
The round started oddly, as clubs kept getting misplaced and players couldn't hear each other over the wind. At one point, having lost his putter, Sylvester headed back in the cart to find it, without luck. About to drive on the fifth, Garbaginski found the putter on top of the cart where it had been rattling around for three holes without any recognition from the playing partners. As Garbaginski yelled he'd found the putter to McGillicutty, Sylvester promptly whaled his tee shot long and right. "I was shaken hearing I left the club on the roof and couldn't remember doing that ever." After recovering the putter, then subconsciously stealing McGillicutty's wedge on the next hole and putting it in his bag, he observed, "Let's see if I can finish playing without losing any more clubs."
Arrow Garbaginski summarized the round, "I got screwed over too many times to count."
Wind blew members of the Bad Golf Tour away November at Fossil Creek in Ft. Worth. The wind, gusting to 35 mph, took Skeeter Garbaginski's hat and deposited it in the pond behind hole number three, where he had to fish it out (as seen in the attached photo). The wind was a good excuse for their bad scores, as youngster Arrow Garbaginski took honors with a 92 after not playing since he left for college in August. The elder Garbaginski shot 95 and Sylvester McGillicutty took a 96 after shooting 43 on the front. Both were coming off their typical five week layoff to ensure pathetic play. Elmo McGillicutty, fighting a bad finger injured in flag football, rounded out the foursome with a 117. His best line of the day, after being asked his score after a hole, was, " I guess I need to start paying attention to that."
Several notable incidents occurred, including a four-putt by Skeeter after a brilliant 150-yard five iron against the wind out of a fairway bunker to 15 feet from the pin in regulation. His first putt sailed 40 feet past the hole and almost off the green, aided by the gusting wind. From there, he three-putted, which ended any hope of breaking 90 for the day. "It's the one hole that pissed me off," he said.
Sylvester had similar problems. Asking himself after a double bogey, "How do you get s six on that piece of shit? Oh, by four putting." He also nominated himself for the Bad Golf Hall of Fame, when he took an 8 on a Par 4 after hitting his drive 100 yards from the green.
Arrow joined the "Wasted Drive" Club, Chapter 15 in the Bad Golf book by Dave Simon (and available electronically at Barnes and Noble and Amazon). After driving the fringe of the 340 Par 4 fourth hole, he chipped long, then three-putted for his bogey.
The round started oddly, as clubs kept getting misplaced and players couldn't hear each other over the wind. At one point, having lost his putter, Sylvester headed back in the cart to find it, without luck. About to drive on the fifth, Garbaginski found the putter on top of the cart where it had been rattling around for three holes without any recognition from the playing partners. As Garbaginski yelled he'd found the putter to McGillicutty, Sylvester promptly whaled his tee shot long and right. "I was shaken hearing I left the club on the roof and couldn't remember doing that ever." After recovering the putter, then subconsciously stealing McGillicutty's wedge on the next hole and putting it in his bag, he observed, "Let's see if I can finish playing without losing any more clubs."
Arrow Garbaginski summarized the round, "I got screwed over too many times to count."
The Church of the Little White Ball
The Bad Golf Tour returned to the Church of the Little White Ball Sunday, November 2, after a five week layoff to ensure Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty continued to live up to their perpetual bad play. They didn't disappoint as they respectively fired a 91 and 96, including two bogeys on the same hole with penalty strokes for both players. "That's good Bad Golf," McGillicutty joked.
After being held up early in the round by a massive hacker in the group in front, McGillicutty finally observed, "Man, if you're that bad, why are you playing the blue tees? They're as bad as we are, maybe even worse, and we don't even have a par after five easy holes."
At the sixth, McGillicutty stepped up to the tee at the short (286 yards), easy (except for the green surrounded 80% by water) Par 4, and said, "I hate this hole. I don't think I've ever gotten less than a snowman here." With this negative swing thought, he promptly parred, despite the Garbage Man's attempt to psyche him out by telling him he would skull his chip, then take a drop from the pond, chip back over the front and three-putt for his 8. Instead, McGillicutty ignored the pressure, chipped close and made his putt for par.
McGillicutty is pictured above trying to pull his tee shot out of a bush through a chain link fence from someone's backyard adjoining the third hole.
Today's round was held at the Plantation Golf Course, Frisco, TX. The electronic version of Bad Golf book by Dave Simon is available online at both Amazon and Barnes and Noble. It's a great Christmas gift.
The Bad Golf Tour returned to the Church of the Little White Ball Sunday, November 2, after a five week layoff to ensure Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty continued to live up to their perpetual bad play. They didn't disappoint as they respectively fired a 91 and 96, including two bogeys on the same hole with penalty strokes for both players. "That's good Bad Golf," McGillicutty joked.
After being held up early in the round by a massive hacker in the group in front, McGillicutty finally observed, "Man, if you're that bad, why are you playing the blue tees? They're as bad as we are, maybe even worse, and we don't even have a par after five easy holes."
At the sixth, McGillicutty stepped up to the tee at the short (286 yards), easy (except for the green surrounded 80% by water) Par 4, and said, "I hate this hole. I don't think I've ever gotten less than a snowman here." With this negative swing thought, he promptly parred, despite the Garbage Man's attempt to psyche him out by telling him he would skull his chip, then take a drop from the pond, chip back over the front and three-putt for his 8. Instead, McGillicutty ignored the pressure, chipped close and made his putt for par.
McGillicutty is pictured above trying to pull his tee shot out of a bush through a chain link fence from someone's backyard adjoining the third hole.
Today's round was held at the Plantation Golf Course, Frisco, TX. The electronic version of Bad Golf book by Dave Simon is available online at both Amazon and Barnes and Noble. It's a great Christmas gift.
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89-Foot Birdie Putt Sets Bad Golf Record
Bells Ringer set a Bad Golf Tour record September 29 when he hammered home an 89-footer at Tenison Highlands in Dallas. As part of the last leg of the Brothers Reunion (BR) event, Ringer's putt was an uphill, two-tiered right-to-lefter on the 14th hole that dropped dead center. Dumbfounded, his playing partner Sylvester McGillicutty called it "insane." As the fourth and final round unfolded, the exhausted bad golfers continued to decline. The Herminator said at one point when he asked where the green was on number 5, "I can see it. Now if if I can just hit the ball in that general direction." For the most part, he couldn't, and he finally succumbed to perpetual fatigue after 11 holes, though the did take one last hack on the Par 3 13th and miraculously got his only par in four rounds. By the fourth hole, McGillicutty and Ringer were playing so poorly, they decided to see who could shoot 60 first on the front nine. Skeeter Garbaginski, who jumped to an early lead, decided to join their contest in the middle of the front nine after carting two consecutive generous triple bogeys. Pictured at right are two photos of Garbaginski, passed out from exhaustion after Round 3, and after removing his cap to display his post-round hat head. More Sunscreen Advice from Bad Golf BR
In the full second day of Bad Golf BR (Brothers Reunion), pregame sunscreen application was provided by Sylvester McGillicutty instead of the usual Herminator. Picture is on right. In the round itself, at the refurbished Pine Springs Course, Tyler, TX, Skeeter Garbaginski took honors with an 88, followed by McGillicutty and Bells Ringer with 95s, and the Herminator with a typical 116, including a near record five snowmen in a row. After a 6 on the Par 3 7th hole, McGillicutty commented, "You can't double or triple the par three's and break 90." Ringer, making a fashion statement with his Atlanta Braves baseball hat from 8th grade (a 40-year-old relic), wryly observed, "Everything comes back in style at some point." Ringer Ties Garbaginski at BR Bad Golf Event
Bells Ringer tied Skeeter Garbaginski for honors at the Brothers Reunion (BR) Bad Golf event south of Tyler, TX (See story below for Friday's action.). Both shot 91's September 27 at the Pine Dunes Course in Frankston. The Herminator fired a 111 and Sylvester McGillicutty carded a 101. The Herminator is shown at right displaying his sunscreen; McGillicutty is hacking from the weeds, his favorite location. Ringer displayed his rage on the fourth hole from spending most of yesterday in O'Hare Airport, after he hooked his tee shot off a tree, "I've hit three shots three feet off and it's cost me 10 strokes." The Herminator, known for his bad eyesight, was asked after one tee shot, "did you see that one?'' His reply, "Yes, unfortunately." After his first snowman of the day, McGillicutty observed, "That's what a bad drive will do for you." The event continues tomorrow. "A Tale of Two Nines"
As the Second Annual Brothers Reunion (BR) Bad Golf event got underway today (Sept. 26), Skeeter Garbaginski took the headlines with a "Tale of Two Nines," shooting 53-43 with no pars on the front nine, followed by two pars and a birdie on the back despite starting with a triple bogey on 10. Sylvester McGillicutty took honors with a 95, while Bells Ringer remained stuck in Chicago O'Hare's Airport due to flight groundings after the control tower fire. Tour grand veteran Herman Von Lichtensteinmeister (aka, The Herminator) hung in there for 14 holes at age 87. But it was Garbaginski's day. After rolling two tee shots on Number 1 30 yards off the tee into the tall bushes at Chester Ditto in Arlington, TX, he remarked, "Where'd that come from?" After three more hacks, he chipped to six feet and canned the putt for a double. "If you can chip and putt, you can play double bogey golf," he explained sarcastically. As he continued to spin, slice, top, roll, and chunk shots, Garbaginski finally opted for his mulligan, prompting McGillicutty to say, "You know what they call a mulligan in Ireland? Hitting three." On Number 9, after hitting four straight pathetic shots, the Garbage Man said, "I didn't hit a single good shot on nine. All of them sucked. And I still got a double." Though the back nine proved to be another story, Garbaginski observed that he hit only one good shot on the front. McGillicutty, who finished the front with a 49, said "I shot 49, but it felt like a 42. I passed 40 putts for the round on number 16." The BR event continues tomorrow. BAD GOLF Field Report from California
A special field report from Bad Golf Tour veteran Sylvester McGillicutty: We played golf for $40 at this nice muni in Antioch, CA. I played like a dead man, being on the road, strange clubs, coming off of work, etc. Easy course, but I still went 59/49, with like four consecutive 7's on the front nine and a spectacular 9 on a 91 yard par 3. I actually hit the ball okay, but once I got close to the green spent multiple shots hacking, chopping, skulling and otherwise doing everything possible to avoid getting on the green. Example: On the 91 yard par three I plop the tee shot into the front greenside bunker. Two to get out, and when it does get out the ball rolls 25 yards down the side of the hill into the rough. Hack it about ten yards. Hack it another ten yards. Hack it to the fringe. Three putt. I COULD NOT hit the ball out of any longer grass. Anyway, the guy we're playing with is a complete California character, a single guy who got put with us. Stubby, huge wrists, goatee, visor and sunglasses with a raspy voice from lots of booze and cigarettes. 51 years old. Divorced father of two. Tee time is 9:40. He's got a Bloody Mary in the cart half finished when we start. We get to number two and he pulls out a fifth of whiskey with about 1/4 of the bottle remaining and takes a healthy swing. "Yeah, my DUI ended my 23 year truck driving career." He continues to pull at the bottle every other hole to the turn, where he buys a hot dog and two beers. He finishes the beers by number twelve and pulls out another bottle of whiskey, this one full since he'd finished the first one on the front nine. Of course he shot about 80, including draining a 40 foot birdie putt on 17 when he had to blowing at least a .2. (.08 is the driving limit). Crazy. He had me do my swing after yet another crappy drive and said, "You didn't do it like that when you hit the ball. When you hit, you're all wadded up." Cracked me up. His name? Bob, of course. 
Fathers Dominate Sons in New Bad Golf Tour Event
In the first ever father-son Bad Golf Tour event, the fathers -- Skeeter Garbaginski and Smoothas Silk (pictured above swinging lefthanded) dominated their sons Arrow (pictured above swinging righthanded) and Wiley, taking both nines in the best ball format, as well as total, wiping the sons out of their allowances. "Good thing I crushed my dad on a longest drive hole to win a buck back," Arrow observed. Wiley Silk began digging ditches on the front nine tee boxes, and Smoothas (named for his Smooth-as-silk swing) commented at one point after he dug a large hole, "I just did my Wiley ditch digger swing." Wiley, known for his wry sense of humor, commented on the back nine after three consecutive 7's followed by a bogey four, "Well at least I broke my string of sevens." When he got another 7 on the next hole, he said, "Well, the streak of sevens is back." Smoothas Silk took honors with an 81, almost banning him from the Bad Golf Tour for life. But since the day was such a success at Sugar Tree Golf Course, south of Weatherford, TX, he will be allowed to continue competing 
Two Newcomers Debut on Bad Golf Tour Two newcomers -- Walt Kuchook and Jumbo James -- debuted on the Bad Golf Tour July 25 at the Minne Monesse Golf Course in Grant Park, IL. James is pictured above and Kuchook below. Bad Golf Tour Veteran Skeeter Garbaginski schooled the rookies with an 83; James finished second with an 87, Kuchook shot an 89 and Bells Ringer came in with a 92. "I was playing with a set of Ringer's Ram clubs from 1984, and they made me feel powerful. That putter must have been made in 1950," he said in explaining his round, which included two birdies on the front and a signature triple on the back. Known for his colossal sense of humor, hence the "Jumbo" nickname, James commented on Ringer's play at one point, "Bells hits it better when he can't see where the hole is. He should play with his eyes closed." On the ninth hole, Baron Von Raschke, the former pro wrestler, hit into the group, and James wryly observed, "Balls are dropping around us like mortars." A frustrated Kuchook had trouble hitting greens, and set a goal after the 12th hole: "I just want to hit one hole in regulation." He finished with two for the round. Minne Monesse bartender "Shadow" happily served post-round drinks to the Bad Golf foursome. 
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Bad Golfer does Unthinkable: Ends Two Rounds in a Row with Birdies
Bad Golfer Skeeter Garbaginski did the unthinkable July 4 in Topeka, KS, ending his second straight round with a birdie. Pictured below making an incredibly bad decision that resulted in a double bogey from a kind playing partner, the Garbage Man nailed a nine footer for birdie on #18 at Cypress Ridge to salvage a pathetic 91, to take second place. Bells Ringer, after close to a one-year layoff from the Bad Golf Tour, came home with an 87, for honors. Sylvester McGillicutty played a tale of two nines once again, going 54-44 for a 98.
"I can't remember the last time I had so many 7's," he remarked after his fourth seven on the front nine. To top off his fine round, McGillutty toured around in 41 putts, 23 on the front. "Sometimes you just have to take your medicine," he said. "You have to stop trying to do crap you know you can't do." The Bad Golf Tour continues tomorrow.
Bad Golfer Skeeter Garbaginski did the unthinkable July 4 in Topeka, KS, ending his second straight round with a birdie. Pictured below making an incredibly bad decision that resulted in a double bogey from a kind playing partner, the Garbage Man nailed a nine footer for birdie on #18 at Cypress Ridge to salvage a pathetic 91, to take second place. Bells Ringer, after close to a one-year layoff from the Bad Golf Tour, came home with an 87, for honors. Sylvester McGillicutty played a tale of two nines once again, going 54-44 for a 98.
"I can't remember the last time I had so many 7's," he remarked after his fourth seven on the front nine. To top off his fine round, McGillutty toured around in 41 putts, 23 on the front. "Sometimes you just have to take your medicine," he said. "You have to stop trying to do crap you know you can't do." The Bad Golf Tour continues tomorrow.
Garbaginski Caddies Opponent to Victory
For the second time during this year's Bad Golf Tour, Skeeter Garbaginski caddied his opponent to victory. Sylvester McGillicutty, pictured above, dialed in on this wedge at the 9th hole at Land's End in East Texas June 29. McGillicutty shot 86 to Garbaginski's 87. "I need to stop helping him out," the Garbage Man astutely observed after coaching McGillicutty to his first birdie in recent memory. "I can't remember my last birdie," he remarked.
Garbaginski opened with a 49 on the front to McGillicutty's 42, then they reversed roles on the back. "We should just play in scrambles," they agreed.
After topping his opening tees shot into the woods to the left on number one, and already sweating, the Garbage Man said, "It's going to be a glove-wearing day.
His goal for the day was to "swing easy," while McGillicutty's was "no swearing, after all, it's Sunday. That will last about three holes.
"One putts save the hole," McGillicuty remarked after several he drained for bogey. "Yeah, like the one I hit to save an 8," Garbaginski wryly noted.
For the second year in a row at Land's End, Garbaginski tattooed his second shot on 18, a par five, into the playing group in front while they were on the green. "I told him not to hit it. It was a Magilla Gorilla shot." Garbaginski added, "If it hadn't hit the cart path, it would have come up 30 yards short of the green."
For the second time during this year's Bad Golf Tour, Skeeter Garbaginski caddied his opponent to victory. Sylvester McGillicutty, pictured above, dialed in on this wedge at the 9th hole at Land's End in East Texas June 29. McGillicutty shot 86 to Garbaginski's 87. "I need to stop helping him out," the Garbage Man astutely observed after coaching McGillicutty to his first birdie in recent memory. "I can't remember my last birdie," he remarked.
Garbaginski opened with a 49 on the front to McGillicutty's 42, then they reversed roles on the back. "We should just play in scrambles," they agreed.
After topping his opening tees shot into the woods to the left on number one, and already sweating, the Garbage Man said, "It's going to be a glove-wearing day.
His goal for the day was to "swing easy," while McGillicutty's was "no swearing, after all, it's Sunday. That will last about three holes.
"One putts save the hole," McGillicuty remarked after several he drained for bogey. "Yeah, like the one I hit to save an 8," Garbaginski wryly noted.
For the second year in a row at Land's End, Garbaginski tattooed his second shot on 18, a par five, into the playing group in front while they were on the green. "I told him not to hit it. It was a Magilla Gorilla shot." Garbaginski added, "If it hadn't hit the cart path, it would have come up 30 yards short of the green."
Martin Kaymer Banned from Bad Golf Tour
Bad Golf Tour members unanimously voted Martin Kaymer off the Bad Golf Tour after his U.S. Open performance June 15. Slats Link, pictured at left along with the Dallas-Ft. Worth "Cart Girl of the Year" as selected by Avid Golfer Magazine, commented, "After butchering the front nine, I was going to quit, then remembered how Kaymer was toasting the field and thought I might as well continue since the Open would be boring to watch."
Skeeter Garbaginski reasserted his dominance by taking honors with an 88, barely edging Links' 89. "I think the electronic scorecard helped me out since I don't use it very effectively," the Garbage Man said. Sylvester McGillicutty, fresh from his thrashing at the Divot Derby (see his commentary below) in Topeka, KS the previous weekend, set a goal of one par per nine. He met the goal with two on the front, but slashed his way to a 96, edging Arrow Garbaginski for third place.
On the first hole, McGillicutty knuckled his tee shot 100 yards and into the trees on the left of the Lakes Course at Indian Creek in Carrollton, TX. "Good thing we're behind a couple of duffers," the Garbage Man observed of his partner's drive.
As the players drove off the final hole, McGillicutty gave his summary, "The massacre is over."
Bad Golf Tour members unanimously voted Martin Kaymer off the Bad Golf Tour after his U.S. Open performance June 15. Slats Link, pictured at left along with the Dallas-Ft. Worth "Cart Girl of the Year" as selected by Avid Golfer Magazine, commented, "After butchering the front nine, I was going to quit, then remembered how Kaymer was toasting the field and thought I might as well continue since the Open would be boring to watch."
Skeeter Garbaginski reasserted his dominance by taking honors with an 88, barely edging Links' 89. "I think the electronic scorecard helped me out since I don't use it very effectively," the Garbage Man said. Sylvester McGillicutty, fresh from his thrashing at the Divot Derby (see his commentary below) in Topeka, KS the previous weekend, set a goal of one par per nine. He met the goal with two on the front, but slashed his way to a 96, edging Arrow Garbaginski for third place.
On the first hole, McGillicutty knuckled his tee shot 100 yards and into the trees on the left of the Lakes Course at Indian Creek in Carrollton, TX. "Good thing we're behind a couple of duffers," the Garbage Man observed of his partner's drive.
As the players drove off the final hole, McGillicutty gave his summary, "The massacre is over."
One for the Books
Attached is the second in a two-part special Bad Golf report from Sylvester McGillicutty in the field, participating in the Divot Derby in Topeka, KS at the Topeka Country Club (TCC). Attached is his report:
One for the books. Morning round against father and son-in-law. Older guy probably in his early to mid 60's, son-in-law early thirties, nice guy, alleged to be an 18 handicap. We start on number nine. Member picks his ball up in disgust 100 yards from green, lying about seven. Guest lies six on the green and they concede the hole. I'm feeling like maybe this is our round to take six points. By the end of number five we're up 3 1/2 to 2 1/2 and it's looking like we may end up in positive territory. Roof caves in as the guest gets hot and starts playing to his handicap. He rakes one 195 yards on six to about 25 feet and two putts for any easy par. So they win holes six and seven going away, and the Herminator falls down backward trying to hit his plugged ball out of the greenside trap on seven. Unhurt but indicative of our day.
We need a win on number eight to halve the match. I hit a perfect drive than smash a six iron that's fading to the green and just catches the left bunker. Shucky darn. Blast over the green. Shacky dern. Chip and the ball squirts sideways on to the green. Unprintable words come forth. Three putts later by me and they've sewn it up as we go down 5 1/2 to 3 1/2.
Tried to play the afternoon match for fun. Weather's been great all along for the golf, despite overnight and early morning storms. We start on sixteen against the team that's accumulated the most points in the tournament so far. Not in our flight, in the whole tournament. They destroy us on 16 and 17. On 18 I get aggressive with the driver and hit it just barely into the trees on the right at the top of the hill. No shot at all, I think, but go ahead and flail a blind wedge that miraculously clears all the trees, carries the bunker and plunks down eleven feet from the hole on the top shelf. They're both outside me by quite a bit, also on in regulation. The Herminator ends up out of the hole. Member rolls his putt close but not a gimme. Guest blows his past the hole by about eight feet. I have a right edge birdie putt. You can guess the rest. Member makes his par putt, I three putt and we're down 3-0 and I'm thinking we might get skunked 9-0, which would be the final and ultimate humiliation.
We managed to scratch out 1 1/2 points, mostly by luck and them finally playing sort of to their handicaps. They really ham and egged it, one guy playing the hole well and the other maybe not, then vice versa. Guest hit the longest drive I've ever seen on seventeen, at least 290 down the middle. He usually teed off with a 1 iron that he whacked about 240 every time, this with a bum right shoulder. Can't imagine how far he hits when pain free.
So. The overall summary: I played better the last three rounds tee to green, but awful getting into the hole. The Herminator played well all three days until the last few holes, when he got tired. Key point - I played 45 holes at the Topeka Country Club and did not have one single, solitary par and only had two penalty strokes the entire time. Course was playing as tough as I've ever seen. We finished absolutely, positively dead last for the whole shebang with 15 points, averaging 3 points per round. See attached scoreboard for our flight. One team in another flight had 16 points, and another loser in a different flight had 17 points.
Banquet was fun, but man the players are getting old. Not a lot of young faces. Food very good. Beer cold.
Silver lining - The Herminator bet on the two guys who schooled us in the last round and they finished second overall. He pocketed $160 in winnings.
But hey, I spent three days with my dad playing golf, who's 87 next month, a fact I proudly announced to all our playing partners, who to a man said how lucky I am to have him around and be able to play in the Divot Derby with him.
Amen.
Attached is the second in a two-part special Bad Golf report from Sylvester McGillicutty in the field, participating in the Divot Derby in Topeka, KS at the Topeka Country Club (TCC). Attached is his report:
One for the books. Morning round against father and son-in-law. Older guy probably in his early to mid 60's, son-in-law early thirties, nice guy, alleged to be an 18 handicap. We start on number nine. Member picks his ball up in disgust 100 yards from green, lying about seven. Guest lies six on the green and they concede the hole. I'm feeling like maybe this is our round to take six points. By the end of number five we're up 3 1/2 to 2 1/2 and it's looking like we may end up in positive territory. Roof caves in as the guest gets hot and starts playing to his handicap. He rakes one 195 yards on six to about 25 feet and two putts for any easy par. So they win holes six and seven going away, and the Herminator falls down backward trying to hit his plugged ball out of the greenside trap on seven. Unhurt but indicative of our day.
We need a win on number eight to halve the match. I hit a perfect drive than smash a six iron that's fading to the green and just catches the left bunker. Shucky darn. Blast over the green. Shacky dern. Chip and the ball squirts sideways on to the green. Unprintable words come forth. Three putts later by me and they've sewn it up as we go down 5 1/2 to 3 1/2.
Tried to play the afternoon match for fun. Weather's been great all along for the golf, despite overnight and early morning storms. We start on sixteen against the team that's accumulated the most points in the tournament so far. Not in our flight, in the whole tournament. They destroy us on 16 and 17. On 18 I get aggressive with the driver and hit it just barely into the trees on the right at the top of the hill. No shot at all, I think, but go ahead and flail a blind wedge that miraculously clears all the trees, carries the bunker and plunks down eleven feet from the hole on the top shelf. They're both outside me by quite a bit, also on in regulation. The Herminator ends up out of the hole. Member rolls his putt close but not a gimme. Guest blows his past the hole by about eight feet. I have a right edge birdie putt. You can guess the rest. Member makes his par putt, I three putt and we're down 3-0 and I'm thinking we might get skunked 9-0, which would be the final and ultimate humiliation.
We managed to scratch out 1 1/2 points, mostly by luck and them finally playing sort of to their handicaps. They really ham and egged it, one guy playing the hole well and the other maybe not, then vice versa. Guest hit the longest drive I've ever seen on seventeen, at least 290 down the middle. He usually teed off with a 1 iron that he whacked about 240 every time, this with a bum right shoulder. Can't imagine how far he hits when pain free.
So. The overall summary: I played better the last three rounds tee to green, but awful getting into the hole. The Herminator played well all three days until the last few holes, when he got tired. Key point - I played 45 holes at the Topeka Country Club and did not have one single, solitary par and only had two penalty strokes the entire time. Course was playing as tough as I've ever seen. We finished absolutely, positively dead last for the whole shebang with 15 points, averaging 3 points per round. See attached scoreboard for our flight. One team in another flight had 16 points, and another loser in a different flight had 17 points.
Banquet was fun, but man the players are getting old. Not a lot of young faces. Food very good. Beer cold.
Silver lining - The Herminator bet on the two guys who schooled us in the last round and they finished second overall. He pocketed $160 in winnings.
But hey, I spent three days with my dad playing golf, who's 87 next month, a fact I proudly announced to all our playing partners, who to a man said how lucky I am to have him around and be able to play in the Divot Derby with him.
Amen.
Special Bad Golf Report from the Field
Attached is a special Bad Golf report from Sylvester McGillicutty in the field, participating in the Divot Derby in Topeka, KS at the Topeka Country Club (TCC). Attached is his report:
Did not post last night because I was not in the mood. The day started off well, of course. Our first opponents had been out till 2:30 a.m. the night before at the ballet and had reconvened at 7:00 a.m. at some Topeka bar known as The Spot for a little hair of the dog. Then they loaded six Bud Lights into their cart. I was licking my chops. One guy in his early thirties, the other probably very early 40's and prematurely gray. Both carrying a little extra weight but not really porky.
We started on number 2 and won the hole, though they did not play the hole that badly and certainly did not appear to be affected by their alcohol consumption. Then I absolutely ripped a drive on number 3 over the left side of the hill to just inside the 150. Skulled a six iron short right of the trap, chipped on and three putted and they won the hole. That drive was the last good shot I hit in the match until number 9.
Funny story on number 4: I worm burn my tee shot to just short of the creek and pitch on about 15 feet below the hole. Both opponents on the green with their tee shots and The Herminator (Herman Von Lichtensteinmeister) is in the left greenside bunker, but gets a stroke. He blasts out and two putts for a net par. The guest two putts for a par. Then, wait for it, I four putt for a six and the member FIVE putts for a six and we halve the hole. The pin was in a ridiculous place - at the back on a crown. My first putt was short, then past, then trickle it back down two feet, miss and it goes outside the leather down the hill. Made the fourth putt coming back.
Deconstruction began from there and we ended up having to win the last two holes just to go 4 1/2 each, which we did manage to do. I actually played number 9 well for a one putt bogey and then the guest gagged on a par putt just outside the leather on number one giving us the hole after I had canned a seven foot curving bogey putt. So it dropped down to the Herminator and the other guy, and the Herminator's stroke gave us the win.
So we were feeling pretty good.
Fajitas for lunch.
Then, the afternoon match.
F me.
Attached is a special Bad Golf report from Sylvester McGillicutty in the field, participating in the Divot Derby in Topeka, KS at the Topeka Country Club (TCC). Attached is his report:
Did not post last night because I was not in the mood. The day started off well, of course. Our first opponents had been out till 2:30 a.m. the night before at the ballet and had reconvened at 7:00 a.m. at some Topeka bar known as The Spot for a little hair of the dog. Then they loaded six Bud Lights into their cart. I was licking my chops. One guy in his early thirties, the other probably very early 40's and prematurely gray. Both carrying a little extra weight but not really porky.
We started on number 2 and won the hole, though they did not play the hole that badly and certainly did not appear to be affected by their alcohol consumption. Then I absolutely ripped a drive on number 3 over the left side of the hill to just inside the 150. Skulled a six iron short right of the trap, chipped on and three putted and they won the hole. That drive was the last good shot I hit in the match until number 9.
Funny story on number 4: I worm burn my tee shot to just short of the creek and pitch on about 15 feet below the hole. Both opponents on the green with their tee shots and The Herminator (Herman Von Lichtensteinmeister) is in the left greenside bunker, but gets a stroke. He blasts out and two putts for a net par. The guest two putts for a par. Then, wait for it, I four putt for a six and the member FIVE putts for a six and we halve the hole. The pin was in a ridiculous place - at the back on a crown. My first putt was short, then past, then trickle it back down two feet, miss and it goes outside the leather down the hill. Made the fourth putt coming back.
Deconstruction began from there and we ended up having to win the last two holes just to go 4 1/2 each, which we did manage to do. I actually played number 9 well for a one putt bogey and then the guest gagged on a par putt just outside the leather on number one giving us the hole after I had canned a seven foot curving bogey putt. So it dropped down to the Herminator and the other guy, and the Herminator's stroke gave us the win.
So we were feeling pretty good.
Fajitas for lunch.
Then, the afternoon match.
F me.
Member has a 16 handicap and guest a 24. So the Herminator's getting a stroke on every hole, plus two strokes on 14 and 15 (obviously we're playing the back nine). We start on 18. I decide to be very conservative and just hit a 4 iron, even though both opponents have hit good drives with pitch shots left to the green. The club twists in my hands at impact and I hit the ball straight right, through the trees and across the driveway to behind number 6 green. Several encounters with trees later, I walked away with an 8 and we were off to the slaughter. We did win a point on number 11 when the guest took five to get out of the right greenside trap and the Herminator had a net par to match the member's gross par. My five on that hole was good enough to win it.
Long story short, we lost 7-2 and no f-ing way that guest was a 24. Other than not being able to get out of sand traps, he played great.
So we did not even check the board before coming home, but in three matches we've totaled 10 points out of a possible 27 so unless a miracle happens we're now just road kill for out next two opponents, assuming we get in the matches today because currently it's pouring again, though forecast says rain will stop by 10:00 a.m. and then be intermittent rest of the day. I've talked to the pro and he's amenable to special dispensation for Herm on the cart if conditions call for cart path only.
The Herminator''s been playing very well except for the last three or four holes of the day when he's clearly whipped. He's been stroking it to the 40 handicap they gave him and been instrumental in us getting the few points we've acquired. I, on the other hand, in no way resemble the guy who shot 92 last Sunday with six pars. If I played even close to the 22 handicap they've given me we'd have at least five more points. Averaging between 55 and 58 for each of three nines so far.
And I will leave you with this to ponder: I do not have a single par in the 27 holes we've played. Bad golf reigns.
Long story short, we lost 7-2 and no f-ing way that guest was a 24. Other than not being able to get out of sand traps, he played great.
So we did not even check the board before coming home, but in three matches we've totaled 10 points out of a possible 27 so unless a miracle happens we're now just road kill for out next two opponents, assuming we get in the matches today because currently it's pouring again, though forecast says rain will stop by 10:00 a.m. and then be intermittent rest of the day. I've talked to the pro and he's amenable to special dispensation for Herm on the cart if conditions call for cart path only.
The Herminator''s been playing very well except for the last three or four holes of the day when he's clearly whipped. He's been stroking it to the 40 handicap they gave him and been instrumental in us getting the few points we've acquired. I, on the other hand, in no way resemble the guy who shot 92 last Sunday with six pars. If I played even close to the 22 handicap they've given me we'd have at least five more points. Averaging between 55 and 58 for each of three nines so far.
And I will leave you with this to ponder: I do not have a single par in the 27 holes we've played. Bad golf reigns.
McGillicutty's Demonstrate Old & New in Bad Golf Fashion
Sylvester McGillicutty and his son Wilbur demonstrate the old & new in Bad Golf fashion at Riverside Golf Course in Grand Prairie, June 1. Pictured below is Skeeter Garbaginski's son Arrow, teeing off on 18.
After a more than six week lay-off to allow players to become even worse, the two Bad Golf vets picked up the clubs again today to do battle with their sons. McGillicutty crushed the Garbage Man 92 to 94, while Arrow took home honors with a 90 despite carding a quad and two triples. "If I hadn't lost a ball, I might have broken 80," he said. Reporters noted Arrow hasn't picked up a club for 13 months. "After Arrow finished triple, quadruple on the front for a 48, McGillicutty observed, "That's what happens when you only play once a year."
Wilbur McGillicutty lived up to his family's solid Bad Golf reputation, finishing "51 over par," as he described it.
Sylvester McGillicutty and his son Wilbur demonstrate the old & new in Bad Golf fashion at Riverside Golf Course in Grand Prairie, June 1. Pictured below is Skeeter Garbaginski's son Arrow, teeing off on 18.
After a more than six week lay-off to allow players to become even worse, the two Bad Golf vets picked up the clubs again today to do battle with their sons. McGillicutty crushed the Garbage Man 92 to 94, while Arrow took home honors with a 90 despite carding a quad and two triples. "If I hadn't lost a ball, I might have broken 80," he said. Reporters noted Arrow hasn't picked up a club for 13 months. "After Arrow finished triple, quadruple on the front for a 48, McGillicutty observed, "That's what happens when you only play once a year."
Wilbur McGillicutty lived up to his family's solid Bad Golf reputation, finishing "51 over par," as he described it.
McGillicutty took to putting right-handed and cross-handed to prepare for the maniacal Divot Derby in Topeka, KS this upcoming weekend with aging Bad Golf vet "The Herminator" (seen below in various stages of flailing). Normally a left-handed putter, McGillicutty decided to make the change after accepting a gimmee from his partner, then proceeding to miss the three-footer five consecutive times. "I missed it three times on the left and twice on the right for good measure," he told Garbaginski, putting down a double bogey when he could have accepted the bogey from his opponent.
Another miss, when he tried to hit another gimmee putt to the left and putted it on the right side of the hole solidified his decision to make the putting switch, which led to several 4-6 footers canned the rest of the round.
Garbaginksi's highlight was double bogeying 18, which again played into a 15 mph wind. The players have determined it is the toughest hole on the Bad Golf Tour and have challenged Bubba Watson, Adam Scott, Rory McIlroy and Jason Dufner to join them for a round to see who can hit the most balls in the water. "My only goal today was to bogey 18. Getting out with a double bogey was a big moral victory since my best score ever on it is a triple bogey," Garbaginski said.
Another miss, when he tried to hit another gimmee putt to the left and putted it on the right side of the hole solidified his decision to make the putting switch, which led to several 4-6 footers canned the rest of the round.
Garbaginksi's highlight was double bogeying 18, which again played into a 15 mph wind. The players have determined it is the toughest hole on the Bad Golf Tour and have challenged Bubba Watson, Adam Scott, Rory McIlroy and Jason Dufner to join them for a round to see who can hit the most balls in the water. "My only goal today was to bogey 18. Getting out with a double bogey was a big moral victory since my best score ever on it is a triple bogey," Garbaginski said.
Nice Job Keeping Your Head Down and Eye on the Ball
Herman Von Lichtensteinmeister, aka, "The Herminator," demonstrates the Bad Golf whiff. "It's a staple of my game," he explains.
Get the Bad Golf book by Dave Simon electronically through Barnes&Noble or Amazon.
Herman Von Lichtensteinmeister, aka, "The Herminator," demonstrates the Bad Golf whiff. "It's a staple of my game," he explains.
Get the Bad Golf book by Dave Simon electronically through Barnes&Noble or Amazon.
And So Many Questions.....
1. Where is the ball he is swinging at?
2. How far does it go if he actually makes contact?
3. What is Skeeter Garbaginski doing in the background (hiding behind the cart)?
4. How is the ball in that location, a mere 25 yards from the T box in the background?
5. Why is the golf cart allowed in that area?
6. How big of a swatch of packasandra was removed on his swing?
Read more on "Herming the Ball" in the Bad Golf book by Dave Simon, available electronically at Barnes & Noble and Amazon.
1. Where is the ball he is swinging at?
2. How far does it go if he actually makes contact?
3. What is Skeeter Garbaginski doing in the background (hiding behind the cart)?
4. How is the ball in that location, a mere 25 yards from the T box in the background?
5. Why is the golf cart allowed in that area?
6. How big of a swatch of packasandra was removed on his swing?
Read more on "Herming the Ball" in the Bad Golf book by Dave Simon, available electronically at Barnes & Noble and Amazon.
Bad Golf Tour Continues in Rain, Lightning
The Bad Golf Tour continued today with its symbolic round the last day of the Masters, as Sylvester McGillutty (pictured at left and below) and Skeeter Garbaginski battled on the easiest course on the tour -- Lake Park in Lewisville, TX. "No trees, short and flat. so my goal was no snowmen today," McGillicutty observed after carding a 7 on a Par 4. "We like to play an easy course today so we can fantasize about birdies," Garbaginski added.
The Bad Golf Tour continued today with its symbolic round the last day of the Masters, as Sylvester McGillutty (pictured at left and below) and Skeeter Garbaginski battled on the easiest course on the tour -- Lake Park in Lewisville, TX. "No trees, short and flat. so my goal was no snowmen today," McGillicutty observed after carding a 7 on a Par 4. "We like to play an easy course today so we can fantasize about birdies," Garbaginski added.
Both players had one birdie, McGillicutty on the Par 5 ninth and Garbaginski on the Par 3 7th. "I thought I was going to have to buy the beer," Garbaginski smiled when his tee shot slowly tapped the flag pole, coming to rest 3 inches off. The closest I've ever come to a hole-in-one," he smiled. Garbaginski shot an 81 on the Par 70 layout, while McGillicutty fired an even bogey 88. "Four straight three putts doomed me on the front," Garbaginski said. The round was marked by 30 mph gusts and rain that began to fall heavily by the 16th hole, and lightning on 17 and 18. McGillicutty took cover, as seen above. McGillicutty chose to putt cross handed today. "Why not? I can't do any worse," he said.
The players set a new Bad Golf record for quickest round, by finishing in 2 hours and 32 minutes, shattering the previous mark by three minutes. "We should have gone out for breakfast afterwards," Garbaginski wryly noted.
The players set a new Bad Golf record for quickest round, by finishing in 2 hours and 32 minutes, shattering the previous mark by three minutes. "We should have gone out for breakfast afterwards," Garbaginski wryly noted.
Cold Play Continues for Bad Golf Tour
Cold play continued for the Bad Golf Tour March 9 at West Ridge in McKinney, TX. Sylvester McGillicutty, who took honors last week for the first time, imploded today with a 99, including double bogey five's on three of the par 3' s and a triple on another. For the first time in years he tossed his driver "over that series of Bad Par 3 Golf play," he said. At left, he is pictured blasting close for a bogey on one of the other par 3's uniquely featured on the course of six par 5's, six par 4's and six par 3's.
McGillicutty and his playing partner Skeeter Garbaginski vowed to play full golf rules for the day. "We'll see how long that will last," McGillicutty opined, proving prophetic when he putted and hit the pin while he was waiting for Garbaginski to get on the green. Garbaginski then picked up his short putt for a double on the first hole, also negating their vow to play out all shots. "Maybe next time," he said, "It's so hard to break the habit of just scooping the ball up for a gimmee."
"My driving was okay, but everything else sucked," McGillicutty observed. Garbaginski regained honors with an 82, including a 39 on the back.
Cold play continued for the Bad Golf Tour March 9 at West Ridge in McKinney, TX. Sylvester McGillicutty, who took honors last week for the first time, imploded today with a 99, including double bogey five's on three of the par 3' s and a triple on another. For the first time in years he tossed his driver "over that series of Bad Par 3 Golf play," he said. At left, he is pictured blasting close for a bogey on one of the other par 3's uniquely featured on the course of six par 5's, six par 4's and six par 3's.
McGillicutty and his playing partner Skeeter Garbaginski vowed to play full golf rules for the day. "We'll see how long that will last," McGillicutty opined, proving prophetic when he putted and hit the pin while he was waiting for Garbaginski to get on the green. Garbaginski then picked up his short putt for a double on the first hole, also negating their vow to play out all shots. "Maybe next time," he said, "It's so hard to break the habit of just scooping the ball up for a gimmee."
"My driving was okay, but everything else sucked," McGillicutty observed. Garbaginski regained honors with an 82, including a 39 on the back.
Garbaginski helps McGillicutty Beat Self
Skeeter Garbaginski (pictured at right towering over his Bad Golf opponent) caddied for his opponent Sylvester McGillicutty, coaching him to an 89-88 victory at the Bad Golf Tour Iron Horse Open in North Richland Hills, TX today. "He's very coachable. He should get a promotion in his full-time job for following directions to a tee. Except he still can't chip," Garbaginski observed.
The round was marked by several firsts, including an opening tee shot by McGillicutty into the fog AND sun, that richochetted off a tree 50 yards from the tee and into the gloom. "Take another one with no penalty," Garbaginski offered. McGillcutty did, and laced his next drive down the middle. Miraculously finding his first shot, he played out for a bogey, one of three he had to open while following his caddy's advice to not try to hit any greens in regulation. "That's advice from Jack Nicklaus," he noted.
By the end of the second hole, both players wondered how many rules of golf they'd broken and vowed on their next round to play every shot like the pros. "We'll both shoot 110's," McGillicutty laughed. Special thanks to the cart girl at Iron Horse, who took the attached photo. The "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon can be ordered online and downloaded through Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
Skeeter Garbaginski (pictured at right towering over his Bad Golf opponent) caddied for his opponent Sylvester McGillicutty, coaching him to an 89-88 victory at the Bad Golf Tour Iron Horse Open in North Richland Hills, TX today. "He's very coachable. He should get a promotion in his full-time job for following directions to a tee. Except he still can't chip," Garbaginski observed.
The round was marked by several firsts, including an opening tee shot by McGillicutty into the fog AND sun, that richochetted off a tree 50 yards from the tee and into the gloom. "Take another one with no penalty," Garbaginski offered. McGillcutty did, and laced his next drive down the middle. Miraculously finding his first shot, he played out for a bogey, one of three he had to open while following his caddy's advice to not try to hit any greens in regulation. "That's advice from Jack Nicklaus," he noted.
By the end of the second hole, both players wondered how many rules of golf they'd broken and vowed on their next round to play every shot like the pros. "We'll both shoot 110's," McGillicutty laughed. Special thanks to the cart girl at Iron Horse, who took the attached photo. The "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon can be ordered online and downloaded through Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
BAD GOLF TOUR OPENS IN 39 DEGREE WEATHER
The 2014 Bad Golf Tour opened in Mansfield, TX, as Skeeter Garbaginski demonstrates the miraculous mitten grip above and follow through on #9 for his first birdie of the year. Garbaginski fired an 85 while his playing partner Sylvester McGillicutty came in with a 93. Fog and 39 degree temperatures kept the course nearly empty as the tour vets zipped around in a record 2 hours and 35 minutes. "Skeeter drives the cart like the first George Bush," McGillicutty commented. "Both groups we caught let us pass on the back nine. It was awesome."
Before the round, McGillicutty was encouraged to manage his weaknesses on the course by his Bad Golf swing coach Garbaginski. His reply, "I have 50 of them." After teeing off on six, and launching his drive over a line of trees to the right, he observed, "That's not promising." Finding the ball, he continued, "Well, it's still in the fairway. Just the wrong one."
He told reporters afterwards, "That front nine ate my lunch. Those back to back triples killed me. Make those both bogies and I come in with an 89."
The 2014 Bad Golf Tour opened in Mansfield, TX, as Skeeter Garbaginski demonstrates the miraculous mitten grip above and follow through on #9 for his first birdie of the year. Garbaginski fired an 85 while his playing partner Sylvester McGillicutty came in with a 93. Fog and 39 degree temperatures kept the course nearly empty as the tour vets zipped around in a record 2 hours and 35 minutes. "Skeeter drives the cart like the first George Bush," McGillicutty commented. "Both groups we caught let us pass on the back nine. It was awesome."
Before the round, McGillicutty was encouraged to manage his weaknesses on the course by his Bad Golf swing coach Garbaginski. His reply, "I have 50 of them." After teeing off on six, and launching his drive over a line of trees to the right, he observed, "That's not promising." Finding the ball, he continued, "Well, it's still in the fairway. Just the wrong one."
He told reporters afterwards, "That front nine ate my lunch. Those back to back triples killed me. Make those both bogies and I come in with an 89."
Fat heads make their debut at the Phoenix Open, hoping to add pro baseball players to the list of Bad Golfers around the world.
The "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon can be ordered online through Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
The "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon can be ordered online through Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
BAD GOLFERS BEWARE: Extreme 19th: The World's Toughest Par 3 -
Legend Golf & Safari Resort - South Africa
The tee is set 1,410 feet above the green on Hanglip Mountain. From the base of the mountain to the back of the green is 1,312 feet. In golf terms, that’s a 437-yard par-3, with a vertical drop of 470 yards.
Without getting all geeked out, as this insane shot relates to the laws of physics and how the ball will travel on quite an extreme arc, it plays about 260-270 yards due to the vertical drop.
Legend Golf & Safari Resort - South Africa
The tee is set 1,410 feet above the green on Hanglip Mountain. From the base of the mountain to the back of the green is 1,312 feet. In golf terms, that’s a 437-yard par-3, with a vertical drop of 470 yards.
Without getting all geeked out, as this insane shot relates to the laws of physics and how the ball will travel on quite an extreme arc, it plays about 260-270 yards due to the vertical drop.
Round of 18 including lunch: $70 per player
Extreme 19th per foursome: $1,060
That extreme price does come with a few perks. Players get a helicopter ride to the tee and back down after hitting, a souvenir cap and glove, and a DVD of their play on the hole.
The coolest part: Each player is given six balls with tracking devices, since losing sight of a ball hit from 1,410 feet up is pretty likely.
There’s a prize worth over $1 million for any player that makes a hole in one. The money has yet to be claimed. Eight players, however, have made birdies, and 96 pars have been recorded — including many professional golfers. Harrington was the first person to make a 3, back in 2008.
The highest recorded score, according to the course’s website, is a 23. And there are hundreds of other players whose scores say “NR.” We assume that’s short for “Way too many to count.”
Extreme 19th per foursome: $1,060
That extreme price does come with a few perks. Players get a helicopter ride to the tee and back down after hitting, a souvenir cap and glove, and a DVD of their play on the hole.
The coolest part: Each player is given six balls with tracking devices, since losing sight of a ball hit from 1,410 feet up is pretty likely.
There’s a prize worth over $1 million for any player that makes a hole in one. The money has yet to be claimed. Eight players, however, have made birdies, and 96 pars have been recorded — including many professional golfers. Harrington was the first person to make a 3, back in 2008.
The highest recorded score, according to the course’s website, is a 23. And there are hundreds of other players whose scores say “NR.” We assume that’s short for “Way too many to count.”
CLASSIC BAD GOLF TIP
You can order the Bad Golf book by Dave Simon on Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
You can order the Bad Golf book by Dave Simon on Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
The BAD GOLF Poem
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather Small..
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
You can order the electronic version of the BAD GOLF book by Dave Simon on Barnes and Noble or Amazon. Great Christmas gift.
A recent study found that the average golfer
Walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that golfers drink, on
Average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
This means that, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Kind of makes you proud. Almost makes you Feel like a hybrid. .
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather Small..
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
You can order the electronic version of the BAD GOLF book by Dave Simon on Barnes and Noble or Amazon. Great Christmas gift.
A recent study found that the average golfer
Walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that golfers drink, on
Average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
This means that, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Kind of makes you proud. Almost makes you Feel like a hybrid. .
Bad Golfer Hits Goose; Both Survive
Bad Golfer Sylvester McGillicutty hit a goose when he skulled a line drive second shot on the 9th hole at Indian Creek in Carrollton, TX, today. Golfer and goose both survived. "It was a loud thunk to the chest, I think. If I'd hit him in the head, we would have had Thanksgiving dinner," McGillicutty joked.
It was the first time in the history of the Bad Golf tour that an animal has been hit. On the 10th hole, McGillicutty came up to the pack of geese again, and knocked his second shot against a tree, scattering them for a second time. "That would have been something," he beamed.
McGillicutty jumped on his playing partner Skeeter Garbaginski early, hoping to gain his first Bad Golf win of the year. After establishing a solid 5 stroke lead on the front, he gave it away on two holes, including a 9 on the par 5 6th hole. "I lost three balls. Other than that, I played the hole really well," McGillicutty said. The 9 doomed the Bad Golf veteran, as Garbaginski cruised to a front nine lead with a 49, to McGillicutty's 50.
Garbaginski did everything in his power to hand over the win, including a snowman with two lost balls on 16th, but it wasn't enough. He held on for a season-ending 95, while McGillicutty cruised in with a 100. "That five week layoff killed us, as usual," Garbaginski said.
The "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon can be ordered through Amazon or Barnes and Noble.
Bad Golfer Sylvester McGillicutty hit a goose when he skulled a line drive second shot on the 9th hole at Indian Creek in Carrollton, TX, today. Golfer and goose both survived. "It was a loud thunk to the chest, I think. If I'd hit him in the head, we would have had Thanksgiving dinner," McGillicutty joked.
It was the first time in the history of the Bad Golf tour that an animal has been hit. On the 10th hole, McGillicutty came up to the pack of geese again, and knocked his second shot against a tree, scattering them for a second time. "That would have been something," he beamed.
McGillicutty jumped on his playing partner Skeeter Garbaginski early, hoping to gain his first Bad Golf win of the year. After establishing a solid 5 stroke lead on the front, he gave it away on two holes, including a 9 on the par 5 6th hole. "I lost three balls. Other than that, I played the hole really well," McGillicutty said. The 9 doomed the Bad Golf veteran, as Garbaginski cruised to a front nine lead with a 49, to McGillicutty's 50.
Garbaginski did everything in his power to hand over the win, including a snowman with two lost balls on 16th, but it wasn't enough. He held on for a season-ending 95, while McGillicutty cruised in with a 100. "That five week layoff killed us, as usual," Garbaginski said.
The "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon can be ordered through Amazon or Barnes and Noble.
This guy qualifies for Bad Golf cart driver of the year.
For more on the "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon, check Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
For more on the "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon, check Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
This mouse wants to join the Bad Golf team.
You can find the "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
You can find the "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
The Bad Golf Driver
If you like this truly "Bad Golf" driver, then you'll love Dave Simon's book "Bad Golf." Check Amazon or Barnes and Noble for an electronic copy.
Bells Ringer had trouble getting the Bad Golf jacket on this morning. The jacket comes with directions on how to slide it on.
Ringer finished second in the Illinois Bad Golf Tour four round event, featuring Cinder Ridge, Klein Kreek, Downers Grove and Bliss Creek. The tournament included the oldest Bad Golfer in history, the 86-year-old Herminator, who came off recent finger surgery to break 120 in all four rounds. Skeeter Garbaginski took first with rounds of 43, 79, 88 and 89. "I hit some shots I'll never see in my life again," he observed.
The "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon is available electronically through Barnes and Noble and Amazon. If you play golf and like to laugh at the game, take a look.
Ringer finished second in the Illinois Bad Golf Tour four round event, featuring Cinder Ridge, Klein Kreek, Downers Grove and Bliss Creek. The tournament included the oldest Bad Golfer in history, the 86-year-old Herminator, who came off recent finger surgery to break 120 in all four rounds. Skeeter Garbaginski took first with rounds of 43, 79, 88 and 89. "I hit some shots I'll never see in my life again," he observed.
The "Bad Golf" book by Dave Simon is available electronically through Barnes and Noble and Amazon. If you play golf and like to laugh at the game, take a look.
BAD GOLF NEWCOMER DEMONSTRATES SUPERIOR FORM
Lee Boozer, a recent addition to the Bad Golf Tour, demonstrates his form on the Par Three 15th hole at Cinder Ridge, outside Coal City, Illinois, which features a drop you can't quite see in this photo. The course is built on a former coal mining site and features many unique holes for the bad golfer in you.
Boozer, who hasn't played in almost 18 months, had the lead all day until the heat wore him out on the 16th. He picked up on 18 for a snowman, ceding honors to Skeeter Garbaginski, who shot 88. The final round of the Illinois Bad Golf Tour concludes tomorrow at Klein Kreek in Winfield. Check out the Bad Golf Book by Dave Simon online at Amazon or Barnes and Noble.
Lee Boozer, a recent addition to the Bad Golf Tour, demonstrates his form on the Par Three 15th hole at Cinder Ridge, outside Coal City, Illinois, which features a drop you can't quite see in this photo. The course is built on a former coal mining site and features many unique holes for the bad golfer in you.
Boozer, who hasn't played in almost 18 months, had the lead all day until the heat wore him out on the 16th. He picked up on 18 for a snowman, ceding honors to Skeeter Garbaginski, who shot 88. The final round of the Illinois Bad Golf Tour concludes tomorrow at Klein Kreek in Winfield. Check out the Bad Golf Book by Dave Simon online at Amazon or Barnes and Noble.
BAD GOLF DOG PROTECTS THE PERIMETER
Watson, the Bad Golf dog, is pictured here, protecting the perimeter for Bad Golf Tour members Sylvester McGillicutty, Skeeter Garbaginskis, the Herminator and Bells Ringer. Garbaginski did the unthinkable today, shooting a 79 at Bliss Creek in Sugar Grove, IL. "It's wasn't a real sub-80 round, cuz it was a par 70," Garbage Man said.
Two birdies on the back led to a 35 (par 34) after a 44 on the front. "I haven't played like that for years and probably never will again," the Garbage Man sighed. The four tour members were ecstatic after learning they could tee off for $12.50 per player after applying all their Bad Golf discounts accrued earlier in the year at the course. "Sweet deal," said Ringer, who vowed not to reimburse the 86-year old Herminator. "He'll forget I owe him anything before we even get home."
You can order the "Bad Golf" book electronic version by Dave Simon at Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
Watson, the Bad Golf dog, is pictured here, protecting the perimeter for Bad Golf Tour members Sylvester McGillicutty, Skeeter Garbaginskis, the Herminator and Bells Ringer. Garbaginski did the unthinkable today, shooting a 79 at Bliss Creek in Sugar Grove, IL. "It's wasn't a real sub-80 round, cuz it was a par 70," Garbage Man said.
Two birdies on the back led to a 35 (par 34) after a 44 on the front. "I haven't played like that for years and probably never will again," the Garbage Man sighed. The four tour members were ecstatic after learning they could tee off for $12.50 per player after applying all their Bad Golf discounts accrued earlier in the year at the course. "Sweet deal," said Ringer, who vowed not to reimburse the 86-year old Herminator. "He'll forget I owe him anything before we even get home."
You can order the "Bad Golf" book electronic version by Dave Simon at Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
As the Bad Golf Tour hit northern Illinois today, Sylvester McGillicutty took time to pose with Blue's Brothers' John Belushi, before taking Bad Golf honors with a 54 on the 9-hole Downers Grove Course. Thunderstorms almost limited the Bad Golf foursome of McGillicutty, Skeeter Garbaginski, Heinrich Von Lichtensteinmeister (the Herminator) and newcomer Bells Ringer. After three holes thunder kicked in, but as others scurried from the course, they journeyed on.
Miraculously, Garbaginski, Ringer and the Herminator all birdied the same hole, the first time more than one player has birdied the same hole in Bad Golf Tour history.
Miraculously, Garbaginski, Ringer and the Herminator all birdied the same hole, the first time more than one player has birdied the same hole in Bad Golf Tour history.
BAD GOLFERS OVER-RUN ILLINOIS AND MISSOURI COURSES
Bad golfers were two under at the Benedictine College Baseball Fundraiser on September 28, 2013 at Piper Glen Golf Course, Springfield, IL
Left to right: Jay Shattuck, Ray Long, Dennis King (Phil Moretini's double) & Steve Smith
Bad golfers were two under at the Benedictine College Baseball Fundraiser on September 28, 2013 at Piper Glen Golf Course, Springfield, IL
Left to right: Jay Shattuck, Ray Long, Dennis King (Phil Moretini's double) & Steve Smith
At the annual Southwest IL Employers Assn. Legislative Retreat, Old Kinderhook Golf Course, MO on September 24, 2013. Bob Walters had his bad golf cap signed by all the participants. Could this replace the orange Winchester cap that Bob can usually be seen wearing?
GOLF RELIEVES STRESS
For all you Bad Golfers, this poster on the opening hole at Land's End in East Texas says it all.
Barbed Wire Bamboozles Bad Golf Vet McGillicutty
Barbed wire didn't prevent Bad Golf Tour veteran Sylvester McGillicutty from chipping out of a cow pasture September 15 in East Texas. Tho the chip was successful, it didn't stop him from getting a signature snowman on the Par 5 3rd hole of the Links at Land's End. 'Hard to save a double bogey when you four putt," he sighed.
McGillicutty transposed his nines, from a 54 on the front to a 45 on the back, saving him from the dreaded 100 round. "A 99 was sweet," he observed, "after seven double bogeys, a triple and a par on the front." McGillicutty believes he made Bad Golf history on the back nine after sinking a 63 foot birdie putt, measured in pigeon feet, on the Par 3 14th hole.
"I just made a minor adjustment by tightening up my arms and began striping it on the back," McGillicutty said of his nine stroke improvement on the back side.
Details for ordering the Bad Golf book are below.
Barbed wire didn't prevent Bad Golf Tour veteran Sylvester McGillicutty from chipping out of a cow pasture September 15 in East Texas. Tho the chip was successful, it didn't stop him from getting a signature snowman on the Par 5 3rd hole of the Links at Land's End. 'Hard to save a double bogey when you four putt," he sighed.
McGillicutty transposed his nines, from a 54 on the front to a 45 on the back, saving him from the dreaded 100 round. "A 99 was sweet," he observed, "after seven double bogeys, a triple and a par on the front." McGillicutty believes he made Bad Golf history on the back nine after sinking a 63 foot birdie putt, measured in pigeon feet, on the Par 3 14th hole.
"I just made a minor adjustment by tightening up my arms and began striping it on the back," McGillicutty said of his nine stroke improvement on the back side.
Details for ordering the Bad Golf book are below.
McGILLICUTTY DEMONSTRATES BAD GOLF SWING
Sylvester McGillicutty demonstrates his award-winning Bad Golf form today as he posted a 92 at Indian Creek in Carrollton, TX, following a year's worst 109 three weeks ago. Skeeter Garbaginski was a chipping machine, with six chips for one putts, including two generous gimmees from playing partners Rodney Poindexter and Slats Link, who respectively fired an 84 and 89. Garbaginski flirted with a 39 on the back, finishing with a 40 for an 87. "It's like the wedge was part of my hands," he said.
Bad Golfers must continue to shoot over 90 or their tour status can be revoked. The BAD GOLF book can be ordered online at B&N at: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bad-golf-david-simon/1114500430?ean=2940016367057, or Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Golf-ebook/dp/B00BEPTX58/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377473639&sr=8-1-fkmr2&keywords=bad+golf+by+dave+simon.
Sylvester McGillicutty demonstrates his award-winning Bad Golf form today as he posted a 92 at Indian Creek in Carrollton, TX, following a year's worst 109 three weeks ago. Skeeter Garbaginski was a chipping machine, with six chips for one putts, including two generous gimmees from playing partners Rodney Poindexter and Slats Link, who respectively fired an 84 and 89. Garbaginski flirted with a 39 on the back, finishing with a 40 for an 87. "It's like the wedge was part of my hands," he said.
Bad Golfers must continue to shoot over 90 or their tour status can be revoked. The BAD GOLF book can be ordered online at B&N at: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bad-golf-david-simon/1114500430?ean=2940016367057, or Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Golf-ebook/dp/B00BEPTX58/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377473639&sr=8-1-fkmr2&keywords=bad+golf+by+dave+simon.
BAD GOLFER Chris Farley
Speed and agility may provide competitive advantages in business and most sports, but not for Bad Golfers, as Chris Farley demonstrates.
Get your Bad Golf book online at: B&N, http://bit.ly/1baj9Ca, or Amazon, http://amzn.to/16LgA8w. Fore!
Get your Bad Golf book online at: B&N, http://bit.ly/1baj9Ca, or Amazon, http://amzn.to/16LgA8w. Fore!
Bear Creek Claws up Bad Golf Veterans
After starting his most recent round triple, triple, par, bogey, triple, triple, double, triple, quadruple, Sylvester McGillicutty (pictured here in his green Bad Golf outfit with his face blurred out to protect his real identity), decided to build a "Beeramid" after his round. Finishing with a year's worst, 109 (with a birdie on 17), McGillicutty vowed to get more strokes from his playing partner Rodney Poindexter (pictured protecting his face) in the next round. Today's Bad Golf Tour event took place at Bear Creek near the Dallas-Ft. Worth airport. "I'm blaming my round on the planes for all the noise they made," McGillicutty said.
Bad Golfers Get Worse as Tour Moves Into Summer
Bad Golf veterans Skeeter Garbaginski and Sylvester McGillicutty continued their downward spiral as the tour moved into the summer months this past weekend. Both shot their worst rounds of the year, with McGillicutty carding a 104 and Garbaginski a 97 at Fossil Creek in Keller, TX. “There isn’t an easy hole on that course,” McGillicutty admitted, “particularly for guys like us.”
McGillicutty started triple, triple and never recovered. Garbaginski started double, birdie, and had a touch of hope until the 8th hole when he built the first of his two snowmen. “That course was like our personal U.S. Open,” Garbage observed. “It just kicked our butts. But in a good way.”
Juice Lewis and Bene Poal debuted on the Bad Golf Tour, and both came close to being booted after just one round. By exceeding their allotted score of “higher than bogey golf,” both have been provisionally allowed to continue on the tour for at least one additional round. “If I drink more beer, I’ll probably break 85,” Lewis said, “so I need to ration myself to make sure these guys will let me keep playing.”
Bad Golfer Hats Sell Out
As hard as it is to believe folks, the Bad Golf hat has sold out. If you look at the photo below and realize how many bad golfers there are in the world, and how many would die to have the Bad Golf hat, is it any surprise there are none left? If you want a bunch for your employees or an outing, I can place a new order. Email Dave Simon at davidsimon15@hotmail.com, and I will get right on it. Fore!!
As hard as it is to believe folks, the Bad Golf hat has sold out. If you look at the photo below and realize how many bad golfers there are in the world, and how many would die to have the Bad Golf hat, is it any surprise there are none left? If you want a bunch for your employees or an outing, I can place a new order. Email Dave Simon at davidsimon15@hotmail.com, and I will get right on it. Fore!!
Bad Golfer hats a big hit in Illinois. Illinois State Senator Dale Righter Golf Outing June 28, 2013. L to R: Blake Hudson, Matt Richard, Sen. Dale Righter, Jay Shattuck, Taylor Shattuck. Living up to Bad Golf standards, the foursome was one-under for the scramble.
Garbaginski Continues Domination
Skeeter Garbaginski contiBnued his domination of Sylvester McGillicutty on the Bad Golf Tour June 16, despite faltering badly on the last two holes of Riverside Golf Course in Arlington, TX. “Eighteen kills me every time. I hit it in both lakes for good measure and my best score ever is a triple bogey,” Garbaginski sighed, despite finishing with a 91 to 96 advantage. Rodney Poindexter in his fourth start on the Bad Golf Tour took honors with an 88. “I stunk,” he admitted, after missing 12 putts of six feet or less, “but I’ll take the win over these two clowns. I challenged them to play a buck a nine next time and they both fainted in terror.”
Despite starting one under for the first two holes by hitting the Par 5 second hole in two and two-putting, Garbaginski was able to bring his score up with three triple bogies, including 17 and 18. McGillicutty’s landmark score was a 10 on the Par 5 Sixth. “It was a disaster.” No one knows when the Bad Golf Tour resumes, but you can order the Bad Golf Book below. All three tour members napped soundly when they got home to watch the US Open final round.
Skeeter Garbaginski contiBnued his domination of Sylvester McGillicutty on the Bad Golf Tour June 16, despite faltering badly on the last two holes of Riverside Golf Course in Arlington, TX. “Eighteen kills me every time. I hit it in both lakes for good measure and my best score ever is a triple bogey,” Garbaginski sighed, despite finishing with a 91 to 96 advantage. Rodney Poindexter in his fourth start on the Bad Golf Tour took honors with an 88. “I stunk,” he admitted, after missing 12 putts of six feet or less, “but I’ll take the win over these two clowns. I challenged them to play a buck a nine next time and they both fainted in terror.”
Despite starting one under for the first two holes by hitting the Par 5 second hole in two and two-putting, Garbaginski was able to bring his score up with three triple bogies, including 17 and 18. McGillicutty’s landmark score was a 10 on the Par 5 Sixth. “It was a disaster.” No one knows when the Bad Golf Tour resumes, but you can order the Bad Golf Book below. All three tour members napped soundly when they got home to watch the US Open final round.
Give the Gift of Bad Golf to Dad
With Father's Day just around the corner, the Bad Golf book or hat make a great gift for the man who can't break 90. If your dad has a sense of humor but no fashion sense, get the book and the hat.
Mike Horgan, Stevens Point, WI, calls the Bad Golf book "readable, humorous, and life affirming. If you play golf, you'll love this book. If you don't, you'll probably never want to take up the game."
You can order the Bad Golf book electronically from Barnes and Noble or Amazon here:
B&N: http://bit.ly/1baj9Ca
Amazon: http://amzn.to/15Pz8oI
There's way more to Bad Golf you can find on this page. Below, there are:
Mike Horgan, Stevens Point, WI, calls the Bad Golf book "readable, humorous, and life affirming. If you play golf, you'll love this book. If you don't, you'll probably never want to take up the game."
You can order the Bad Golf book electronically from Barnes and Noble or Amazon here:
B&N: http://bit.ly/1baj9Ca
Amazon: http://amzn.to/15Pz8oI
There's way more to Bad Golf you can find on this page. Below, there are:
- Results from the Bad Golf Tour
- The order form for the hat and hard copy of the book
- Further book reviews and chapter outlines (scroll way down)
The "HERMINATOR" and his son, Skeeter Garbaginski
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The "BAD GOLF" book explores the lure of golf for 90 percent of the players who can’t break bogey – the bad golfers. The book takes the reader on a journey of badness, finding enlightenment, joy and even a few lessons along the way. This series of essays, written in an easy-to-read format, is ideal for today’s on-the-go world. Each chapter stands alone, and the reader can set it aside for months, if needed, and still pick it back up without losing a beat. Unlike golf. |
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"Bad Golf," is a collection of humorous golfing essays by Dave Simon. The "Bad Golf" hat,which miraculously helps you play better golf by embracing your badness, is also now available. Both can be ordered by contacting him directly at davidsimon15@hotmail.com, or 817-251-1052, or by PayPal below.
Cost for the book is $16 plus $2 shipping and handling. The hat is $12 plus $2 shipping and handling. They're great gifts. Buy for Father's Day or a special birthday for that golfer in your life.
Cost for the book is $16 plus $2 shipping and handling. The hat is $12 plus $2 shipping and handling. They're great gifts. Buy for Father's Day or a special birthday for that golfer in your life.
Bad Golf Book
By: Dave Simon
Pay with PayPal
Pay with PayPal
$
18.00
Bad Golf Hat
Pay with PayPal
$
14.00
Bad Golf Vets Rise From Dead at Topeka Divot Derby
Bad Golf veterans Skeeter Garbaginki and Heinrich Von Lichtensteinmeister (the Herminator) rose from dead June 2 in the last round of the Topeka CC Divot Derby. They snatched fourth place in their six team bracket by routing Slim Limm and Dug Dichdigger 7-2 in the nine hole match that ultimately determined last place.
Limm distinguished himself and earned honorary status on the Bad Golf Tour by hitting the granite women's tee markers on the second hole, dislodging the granite marker 45 degrees forward as the ball ricocheted 20 feet behind him to the championship tees. Limm next launched a towering blast into a cage of 200-foot tall mature oak trees. In prison, he chose to blast away, and demolished a seven iron up above the trees and 200-yards down the fairway to within feet of the extended fringe. From there he chipped to a foot, where Garbaginski conceded the putt. "Man, when you see that level of badness and he comes back to bogey, you have to give him the putt. We're reserving a place in the Bad Golf Hall of Fame for Limm," Skeeter remarked.
The Herminator whiffed six times on the day, a personal record, including twice on one shot. "The ball kept moving on me," he said angrily. See below to order the Bad Golf book online, and for previous days results of the Divot Derby.
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Bad Golf veterans Skeeter Garbaginki and Heinrich Von Lichtensteinmeister (the Herminator) rose from dead June 2 in the last round of the Topeka CC Divot Derby. They snatched fourth place in their six team bracket by routing Slim Limm and Dug Dichdigger 7-2 in the nine hole match that ultimately determined last place.
Limm distinguished himself and earned honorary status on the Bad Golf Tour by hitting the granite women's tee markers on the second hole, dislodging the granite marker 45 degrees forward as the ball ricocheted 20 feet behind him to the championship tees. Limm next launched a towering blast into a cage of 200-foot tall mature oak trees. In prison, he chose to blast away, and demolished a seven iron up above the trees and 200-yards down the fairway to within feet of the extended fringe. From there he chipped to a foot, where Garbaginski conceded the putt. "Man, when you see that level of badness and he comes back to bogey, you have to give him the putt. We're reserving a place in the Bad Golf Hall of Fame for Limm," Skeeter remarked.
The Herminator whiffed six times on the day, a personal record, including twice on one shot. "The ball kept moving on me," he said angrily. See below to order the Bad Golf book online, and for previous days results of the Divot Derby.
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Garbiginski and Lichtensteinmeister on the Ropes at Topeka Divot Derby
Skeeter Garbaginski and Heinrich Von Lichtensteinmeister (the Herminator) were on the ropes after Round Two of the Bad Golf Tour Divot Derby in Topeka, KS, May 31. After an opening round pasting yesterday (see below), they battled back instinctively to lose by only 5-4 in this morning's match play event, followed by a 7-2 pasting in the night cap. "We're pathetic," the Herminator acknowledged, "I was hungry and we needed to get home for dinner, so we just gave them the last hole."
The team appears to be in last place heading into tomorrow's finale. "We don't have a chance," the Herminator said, "But they put out a great lunch spread, so I plan to eat my share. If we're smart, we'll place a good bet on the horse race, too, and win some money there, because we sure aren't going to win anything betting on ourselves."
The twosome hit a combined 37 trees today, and lost 16 balls in the thick bluegrass rough. "You couldn't see nothing out there today after that hail storm last night that knocked all them leaves down. It made everything all shiny, and with all the twigs around, we might as well have been blind, which we are," Von yesteLichtensteinmeister added.
Skeeter Garbaginski and Heinrich Von Lichtensteinmeister (the Herminator) were on the ropes after Round Two of the Bad Golf Tour Divot Derby in Topeka, KS, May 31. After an opening round pasting yesterday (see below), they battled back instinctively to lose by only 5-4 in this morning's match play event, followed by a 7-2 pasting in the night cap. "We're pathetic," the Herminator acknowledged, "I was hungry and we needed to get home for dinner, so we just gave them the last hole."
The team appears to be in last place heading into tomorrow's finale. "We don't have a chance," the Herminator said, "But they put out a great lunch spread, so I plan to eat my share. If we're smart, we'll place a good bet on the horse race, too, and win some money there, because we sure aren't going to win anything betting on ourselves."
The twosome hit a combined 37 trees today, and lost 16 balls in the thick bluegrass rough. "You couldn't see nothing out there today after that hail storm last night that knocked all them leaves down. It made everything all shiny, and with all the twigs around, we might as well have been blind, which we are," Von yesteLichtensteinmeister added.
Divot Derby Disaster
Bad Golfers Skeet Garbaginski and Heinrich Lichtensteinmeister (AKA, The Herminator), encountered disaster in the first round of Divot Derby (DD) in Topeka, KS, a satellite event on the Bad Golf Tour. Cold, wet, windy weather gave both golfers excuses for their bad play. In their 9-hole round, they fell 6-3 in the match play event and tied for 61st out of 65 teams in the 9-hole Par 3 round. "We hope we don't do worse tomorrow," the Herminator opined.
Garbaginski started with quadruple bogeys on two of the first three holes and never got untracked. "I should have started drinking then. I creamed drives on 5, 7, 8, 9 and was in prison on three of those holes. This course should be banned," he observed. Lichtensteinmeister, who attempts to hide his heritage by using the "Herminator" tag, had trouble hitting the ball over 120 yards.
Play continues tomorrow with two nine hole match play events.
Bad Golfers Skeet Garbaginski and Heinrich Lichtensteinmeister (AKA, The Herminator), encountered disaster in the first round of Divot Derby (DD) in Topeka, KS, a satellite event on the Bad Golf Tour. Cold, wet, windy weather gave both golfers excuses for their bad play. In their 9-hole round, they fell 6-3 in the match play event and tied for 61st out of 65 teams in the 9-hole Par 3 round. "We hope we don't do worse tomorrow," the Herminator opined.
Garbaginski started with quadruple bogeys on two of the first three holes and never got untracked. "I should have started drinking then. I creamed drives on 5, 7, 8, 9 and was in prison on three of those holes. This course should be banned," he observed. Lichtensteinmeister, who attempts to hide his heritage by using the "Herminator" tag, had trouble hitting the ball over 120 yards.
Play continues tomorrow with two nine hole match play events.
Plantation Gobbles Up Bad Golfers
Plantation Golf Course in Frisco, TX, gobbled up Bad Golf Tour veterans Skeeter Garbaginski, Sylvester McGillicutty and Rodney Poindexter May 26 as the Tour reconvened after a six week absence. None of the players have picked up a club since April 14, and it showed. Despite flashes of brilliance, all three players succumbed to bouts of feeblemindedness and an inability to control their ball, an endemic quality in players competing on the Bad Golf Tour.
Garbaginski continued his 2013 dominance, finishing with an 89 on the Par 72 layout. On the first hole, playing around large puddles following a cloudburst overnight, he jammed a 116-yard wedge to two feet and walked off with a gimmee for par. He added a 45-foot birdie putt on the front when his ball inexplicably swung left to right when he expected it to go straight. "Sometimes it's best when things don't work out the way you want them to," he said with his signature philosophic outlook on life.
McGillicutty played erratically, as usual. With three straight pars on the back, "I started to think I'd break 95," he said, "then Skeeter taunted me about holes 17 and 18, knowing I choke on both." McGillicutty played true to form, tripling 17 and 18 both, including hitting a house and into the lake on 18. "I aimed left and it went 100 yards right, and you could hear it thunk off the roof. Then I aimed right and line-drived one left into the lake. You'd think I'd learn," he observed. McGillicutty finished with a 96, with three triples, while Poindexter came in with a 90, his worst round of the year. "I was cleaning my pool to start the day and forgot about the tee time. That was a bad start, and it only got worse from there," Poindexter said.
You can order the BAD GOLF book online at Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bad-golf-david-simon/1114500430?ean=2940016367057.
Or on Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Golf-ebook/dp/B00BEPTX58/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369612951&sr=8-1-fkmr2&keywords=bad+golf+by+dave+simon.
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Plantation Golf Course in Frisco, TX, gobbled up Bad Golf Tour veterans Skeeter Garbaginski, Sylvester McGillicutty and Rodney Poindexter May 26 as the Tour reconvened after a six week absence. None of the players have picked up a club since April 14, and it showed. Despite flashes of brilliance, all three players succumbed to bouts of feeblemindedness and an inability to control their ball, an endemic quality in players competing on the Bad Golf Tour.
Garbaginski continued his 2013 dominance, finishing with an 89 on the Par 72 layout. On the first hole, playing around large puddles following a cloudburst overnight, he jammed a 116-yard wedge to two feet and walked off with a gimmee for par. He added a 45-foot birdie putt on the front when his ball inexplicably swung left to right when he expected it to go straight. "Sometimes it's best when things don't work out the way you want them to," he said with his signature philosophic outlook on life.
McGillicutty played erratically, as usual. With three straight pars on the back, "I started to think I'd break 95," he said, "then Skeeter taunted me about holes 17 and 18, knowing I choke on both." McGillicutty played true to form, tripling 17 and 18 both, including hitting a house and into the lake on 18. "I aimed left and it went 100 yards right, and you could hear it thunk off the roof. Then I aimed right and line-drived one left into the lake. You'd think I'd learn," he observed. McGillicutty finished with a 96, with three triples, while Poindexter came in with a 90, his worst round of the year. "I was cleaning my pool to start the day and forgot about the tee time. That was a bad start, and it only got worse from there," Poindexter said.
You can order the BAD GOLF book online at Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bad-golf-david-simon/1114500430?ean=2940016367057.
Or on Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Golf-ebook/dp/B00BEPTX58/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369612951&sr=8-1-fkmr2&keywords=bad+golf+by+dave+simon.
FORE!
So as not to offend the weak minded, the only friends I am sending this to are the ones who I know are serious about Bad Golf. It was later reported that Jimmy’s wife got out safely, and that he did indeed make the putt and par the hole .... he says the divorce isn't going to be that bad, now that there's no house involved!!!...
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Huge Comeback Fuels Garbaginski’s 85
A huge comeback by Bad Golf Tour vet Skeeter Garbaginski allowed him to continue dominating nemesis Sylvester McGillicutty on a cow patch north of Dallas, April 14. Playing quickly so they could get home and watch the Master’s on TV and take a long nap, McGillicutty staked himself to a three stroke lead early on the
back nine, before he had two of his typical “Bad” holes, as he put it. He surrendered five strokes to
Garbaginski through his bad play on just the last two holes.
On 17, a high snap hook caught the 20 mph wind and sent him into the front left pond, which he followed with a duff, before chipping it on the green in four, and nailing a 45-foot putt to save
double on the par three. Two titanic drives on18 left both players with similar approaches.
Garbaginski capitalized, while McGillicutty collapsed, popping one up several feet in front, before skulling one to the back of the green and two-putting for another double.
Garbaginski finished par, bogey, birdie (50-foot chip in), par for an 85 on the par 70 layout.
McGillicutty shot 91. The course, known for its wide open spaces, played slightly tougher than normal due
to the high winds, but neither bad golfer lost a ball on the round. “That’s unheard of for us,” McGillicutty observed.
See details below to order the Bad Golf book or Bad Golf hat.
Huge Comeback Fuels Garbaginski’s 85
A huge comeback by Bad Golf Tour vet Skeeter Garbaginski allowed him to continue dominating nemesis Sylvester McGillicutty on a cow patch north of Dallas, April 14. Playing quickly so they could get home and watch the Master’s on TV and take a long nap, McGillicutty staked himself to a three stroke lead early on the
back nine, before he had two of his typical “Bad” holes, as he put it. He surrendered five strokes to
Garbaginski through his bad play on just the last two holes.
On 17, a high snap hook caught the 20 mph wind and sent him into the front left pond, which he followed with a duff, before chipping it on the green in four, and nailing a 45-foot putt to save
double on the par three. Two titanic drives on18 left both players with similar approaches.
Garbaginski capitalized, while McGillicutty collapsed, popping one up several feet in front, before skulling one to the back of the green and two-putting for another double.
Garbaginski finished par, bogey, birdie (50-foot chip in), par for an 85 on the par 70 layout.
McGillicutty shot 91. The course, known for its wide open spaces, played slightly tougher than normal due
to the high winds, but neither bad golfer lost a ball on the round. “That’s unheard of for us,” McGillicutty observed.
See details below to order the Bad Golf book or Bad Golf hat.
Bad Golf Tour Results: 3rd Round
After three rounds of the 2013 Bad Golf Tour, the results are as follows:
Slats Link, 85
Skeeter Garbaginski, 82, 82, 87
Sylvester McGillicutty 90, 99, 93
Rodney Poindexter, 84
Round recaps are below. To order hardback copies of the Bad Golf book, or the Bad Golf hat, scroll down. Electronic versions of the Bad Golf book are available at Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bad-golf-david-simon/1114500430?ean=2940016367057 or Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Golf-ebook/dp/B00BEPTX58/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1364557069&sr=8-1-fkmr2&keywords=bad+golf+by+dave+Simon.
Newcomer Shatters 40 on Back Nine
Bad Golf Tour newcomer Slats Link shattered 40 on the back nine of West Ridge in McKinney, TX, March 10, taking home honors in his inaugeral performance. The 39, combined with his 46 on the front, gave him an 85 and honors for the day. "I was just glad to make it out there." Link missed his tee time and was given a bogey for the first hole by his playing partners, tour veterans Sylvester McGillicutty and Skeeter Garbaginski. "We could have given him a par, but wanted to send the message that Bad Golf should take precedence over sleep," they said.
Garbaginski continued his strong play with an 87, his third consecutive sub-90 round. Fighting 25 mph winds, "Garbage" as he is fondly referred to by tour friends, laced a three wood on 18 from 199 yards into the powerful cross wind and onto the green to top off a par, par, par finish. "Makes you want to go back," he observed. Playing partner McGillicutty showed signs of life on the front, battling the wind for a 45 despite a signature 9 on the par 4 8th hole. "I fell asleep," he observed. McGillicutty battled instinctively on the back to finish with a 48, for a 93 total.
The Bad Golf book can be ordered below on the electronic version can be accessed at Barnes and Noble, http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bad-golf-david-simon/1114500430?ean=2940016367057, or through Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Golf-ebook/dp/B00BEPTX58/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1362950852&sr=8-9&keywords=bad+golf.
Fore!
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Garbaginski continued his strong play with an 87, his third consecutive sub-90 round. Fighting 25 mph winds, "Garbage" as he is fondly referred to by tour friends, laced a three wood on 18 from 199 yards into the powerful cross wind and onto the green to top off a par, par, par finish. "Makes you want to go back," he observed. Playing partner McGillicutty showed signs of life on the front, battling the wind for a 45 despite a signature 9 on the par 4 8th hole. "I fell asleep," he observed. McGillicutty battled instinctively on the back to finish with a 48, for a 93 total.
The Bad Golf book can be ordered below on the electronic version can be accessed at Barnes and Noble, http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bad-golf-david-simon/1114500430?ean=2940016367057, or through Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Golf-ebook/dp/B00BEPTX58/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1362950852&sr=8-9&keywords=bad+golf.
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Garbaginski Threatened with Bad Golf Tour Expulsion
Skeeter Garbaginski was threatened with expulsion from the Bad Golf Tour today, after his second consecutive sub-90 round. "I don't know what the heck happened. I had three triple bogies on the front," he explained, "And should have been up in the mid-90s." His 82 on the par 70 Iron Horse layout in North Richland Hills, TX, matched his score from his first round when the Bad Golf Tour kicked off last month.
Playing partners Sylvester McGillicutty carted a 99 and newcomer Rodney Poindexter an 84, as the typically bad golfters braved 70 degree North Texas weather. "It was tough out there, but somehow we made it through, "McGillicutty and Poindexter agreed. Garbaginski had 3 birdies to offset his three triple bogies on the front. "I doused my putter in a bucket of water after the round. It was on fire," he said. Golfers are allowed to participate on the Bad Golf Tour if the consistently shoot over 90 on a par 72 course. Bad Golf Tour Director Bud Gruff said, "We're going to have to watch both them guys. Garbaginski and Poindexter take a lot of gimmees."
Bad Golf is Now Available in E-Book Form
Check it out on:
Barnes and Noble for the Nook- http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bad-golf-david-simon/1114500430?ean=2940016367057
Or on Amazon for Kindle- http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Golf-ebook/dp/B00BEPTX58/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1360804381&sr=8-5&keywords=bad+golf
Barnes and Noble for the Nook- http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bad-golf-david-simon/1114500430?ean=2940016367057
Or on Amazon for Kindle- http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Golf-ebook/dp/B00BEPTX58/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1360804381&sr=8-5&keywords=bad+golf
Bad Golf Tour Kicks Off In Mansfield, TX
The 2013"Bad Golf Tour" kicked off January 20 at Mansfield National just southeast of Ft. Worth, TX, and officials believe they will have to kick off one competitor for breaking 90 and knocking in a birdie. Skeeter Garbajinski, typically a leader on the Bad Golf Tour, uncharacteristically became a chipping phenom, leading to multiple one-putts and threatening his Bad Golf Status.
His partner, Sylvester McGillicutty, kept his Bad Golf card, carting a 90, that included one of his usual snowmen, and four consecutive dubbed shots. "I expected it," he said. For apparel and the Bad Golf book, check below.
His partner, Sylvester McGillicutty, kept his Bad Golf card, carting a 90, that included one of his usual snowmen, and four consecutive dubbed shots. "I expected it," he said. For apparel and the Bad Golf book, check below.
Next Generation of Bad Golfers
Bad Golfers Hit Kansas
Bad Golfers Mixing it Up with the Rules Officials.
Bad Golf Hits Wisconsin
Bad Golfers Over-run Arizona
The "Bad Golf" hat is NOW HERE!
"Bad Golf," is a collection of humorous golfing essays by Dave Simon. The "Bad Golf" hat,which miraculously helps you play better golf by embracing your badness, is also now available. Both can be ordered by contacting him directly at davidsimon15@hotmail.com, or 817-251-1052, or by PayPal below.
Cost for the book is $16 plus $2 shipping and handling. The hat is $12 plus $2 shipping and handling. They're great gifts. Buy for Father's Day or a special birthday for that golfer in your life.
Cost for the book is $16 plus $2 shipping and handling. The hat is $12 plus $2 shipping and handling. They're great gifts. Buy for Father's Day or a special birthday for that golfer in your life.
Bad Golf Book
By: Dave Simon
Pay with PayPal
Pay with PayPal
$
18.00
Bad Golf Hat
Pay with PayPal
$
14.00
From the Introduction to "Bad Golf":
This is not your normal golf book.
Don’t read it if you think it will be. Put it back on the shelf right now.
Instead, “Bad Golf” is a unique, insightful and ribald examination of the everyday player’s view of golf. Written
with passion and wry, incisive wit, Simon explores the lure of golf for 90 percent of the players who can’t break
bogey – the bad golfers. With his tongue firmly planted in cheek, he takes the reader on a journey of badness,
finding enlightenment, joy and even a few lessons along the way.
From “The Art of the Club Toss” to “Eliminating the 40-Putt Round,” Simon has his finger on the pulse of what
passionately drives so many golfers to pick up the clubs, and the frustrations experienced in trying to
perfect the game. Acknowledging the difficulty in ever becoming Number One, he provides advice and solace on
how to get the most of your game, and keep it all in perspective.
Written with the average golfer in mind, “Bad Golf” still extends its expansive stories beyond the fairways, making
this a thoughtful read for anyone who likes to chuckle at life, and the roadblocks thrown in our way.
This series of essays, written in an easy-to-read format, is ideal for today’s on-the-go world. Each chapter
stands alone, and the reader can set it aside for months, if needed, and still pick it back up without losing a beat.
Unlike golf.
This is not your normal golf book.
Don’t read it if you think it will be. Put it back on the shelf right now.
Instead, “Bad Golf” is a unique, insightful and ribald examination of the everyday player’s view of golf. Written
with passion and wry, incisive wit, Simon explores the lure of golf for 90 percent of the players who can’t break
bogey – the bad golfers. With his tongue firmly planted in cheek, he takes the reader on a journey of badness,
finding enlightenment, joy and even a few lessons along the way.
From “The Art of the Club Toss” to “Eliminating the 40-Putt Round,” Simon has his finger on the pulse of what
passionately drives so many golfers to pick up the clubs, and the frustrations experienced in trying to
perfect the game. Acknowledging the difficulty in ever becoming Number One, he provides advice and solace on
how to get the most of your game, and keep it all in perspective.
Written with the average golfer in mind, “Bad Golf” still extends its expansive stories beyond the fairways, making
this a thoughtful read for anyone who likes to chuckle at life, and the roadblocks thrown in our way.
This series of essays, written in an easy-to-read format, is ideal for today’s on-the-go world. Each chapter
stands alone, and the reader can set it aside for months, if needed, and still pick it back up without losing a beat.
Unlike golf.
Praise for "Bad Golf"
"I began reading Bad Golf and saw quickly that Dave was onto something.
His short essays are readable, humorous, and life affirming.
If you play golf, you'll love this book. If you don't, you'll probably never
want to take up the game."
-- Mike Horgan, Bad Golfer, Stevens Point, WI --
" You'll laugh. You'll nod your head. You'll want more."
-- Larry Weiner, Bad Golfer, St. Petersburg, FL --
His short essays are readable, humorous, and life affirming.
If you play golf, you'll love this book. If you don't, you'll probably never
want to take up the game."
-- Mike Horgan, Bad Golfer, Stevens Point, WI --
" You'll laugh. You'll nod your head. You'll want more."
-- Larry Weiner, Bad Golfer, St. Petersburg, FL --
Table of Contents
Introduction
1) How to Help Your Almost Blind Partner Track His Errant Shots
2) Beware of Fire Ants
3) Driving the Golf Cart for the Elderly
4) How to Get Slightly Better, Briefly
5) Improving Your Lie, Regardless of the Rules
6) Eliminating the 40-Putt Round
7) Creative Mulligan Use
8) Fun Topics When Things are Going Worse than Usual
9) Limberizing Yourself
10) Forgetting Successful Key Thoughts from Previous Rounds
11) Three-Putting from Eight Feet Made Easy
12) The Art of the Club Toss
13) Losing the New Golf Ball
14) The Nicotine Reward: Good Hole or Bad Hole?
15) “WHERE’S MY BALL!?!?!?!?!?!”
16) Speeding Up that Group in Front; Slowing Down those Guys Behind
17) “Beer Me” (Or, When to Drink)
18) You Don’t Really Know What You Did Wrong on that Shot, So Stop Saying Things Like You Do
19) Enjoying the Occasional Par
20) Not Counting Every Stroke
21) 450-Yard Par Four’s Made Easy
22) Closing Your Eyes at Impact
23) Cross-Handed, One-Handed and Backhanded Options
24) Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
25) Settling for Number 2 (or Worse)
26) Starting Over ….. Every Round
27) Long Putts Made Harder
28) Beating Tiger
29) I Know What I Did Wrong (But Can’t Correct it)
30) The Wasted Drive
31) Can’t Put it All Together
32) Herming It
33) Too Many Things to Think About
34) Why Didn’t I do that the First Time?
EPILOGUE
1) How to Help Your Almost Blind Partner Track His Errant Shots
2) Beware of Fire Ants
3) Driving the Golf Cart for the Elderly
4) How to Get Slightly Better, Briefly
5) Improving Your Lie, Regardless of the Rules
6) Eliminating the 40-Putt Round
7) Creative Mulligan Use
8) Fun Topics When Things are Going Worse than Usual
9) Limberizing Yourself
10) Forgetting Successful Key Thoughts from Previous Rounds
11) Three-Putting from Eight Feet Made Easy
12) The Art of the Club Toss
13) Losing the New Golf Ball
14) The Nicotine Reward: Good Hole or Bad Hole?
15) “WHERE’S MY BALL!?!?!?!?!?!”
16) Speeding Up that Group in Front; Slowing Down those Guys Behind
17) “Beer Me” (Or, When to Drink)
18) You Don’t Really Know What You Did Wrong on that Shot, So Stop Saying Things Like You Do
19) Enjoying the Occasional Par
20) Not Counting Every Stroke
21) 450-Yard Par Four’s Made Easy
22) Closing Your Eyes at Impact
23) Cross-Handed, One-Handed and Backhanded Options
24) Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
25) Settling for Number 2 (or Worse)
26) Starting Over ….. Every Round
27) Long Putts Made Harder
28) Beating Tiger
29) I Know What I Did Wrong (But Can’t Correct it)
30) The Wasted Drive
31) Can’t Put it All Together
32) Herming It
33) Too Many Things to Think About
34) Why Didn’t I do that the First Time?
EPILOGUE