The bar grease burger has been around forever, favored by those looking for a quick “fill me up,” with no concern for calories, fat, quantity and at times, even quality.  It tastes great with a draft beer.

Living in the Midwest during high school, college and after graduation, there were ample opportunities at local taverns to sample the bar grease burger.  Typically it is large, rough around the edges (not perfectly formed like you get in quaint little restaurants and fast food places).  They slap it together, slam it on the griddle, cook it all the way through, give you some pickles, lettuce and tomato, and slide the ketchup and mustard down the bar to you. 

As it sits on your plate, you can see the grease ooze out of the sides.  You know the first bite will be spectacular, and you’ll be tempted to order a second.

My formative grease burger was when I started my reporting career in Washington, D.C.  There was a dive joint two blocks from our office.   About every other week, one of the three of us on our newsletter would say, “Ready for a grease burger?,” and the rest of us would join in for the walk, which made us feel slightly righteous. 

At some point in our 10-year relationship, a bet was made and I won. The winner got to eat as many burgers as he wanted in one sitting.  I won and ordered four.  If memory served me correctly, you had to eat the fries, too.  Since this was back in the dinosaur era, you could drink at lunch depending on your afternoon agenda, and I ordered several beers to wash down the carbos and beef.  This was a magnificent decision, bordering on genius.

It was one of the few times the cook emerged from behind the bar.  I remember him putting down the four dishes with a smirk, and my coworkers laughing at me and my audacious desire to expand my waistline.  Somehow I survived the gluttony.  All four were washed down with some Millers. 

We waddled back to the office.  I felt grease-laden, but content.  Four thick bar grease burgers could be consumed by a 30-something without immediate bad side effects.  That was proof of the bar grease burger’s inherent value.  Given how good the fourth burger still tasted, it also forced its way onto the menu for the burger battle.

Do you love this one?  Have you experienced it?  Let me know. 

Today we embark on the burger journey, one explored by millions of people around the world.  There is no need to discuss the history of the burger.  You can go to Wikipedia for that.  No, today we will start with our first of three types of burger favorites found in bars, fast food joints, diners, specialty burger restaurants and even your finest sit-down eating establishments:  The seared triple think patty burger.

This is the burger that the chef can crank out in minutes.  The patties can be packed to go as a single, double, triple or even quadruple, but due to their thinness, typically at least two patties are required for the ravenous human to feel fulfilled.  Triple is preferable. 

First, a hot griddle does a quick grill on one side, and the cook flips it for the second side to sizzle.  The burger comes off cooked all the way through.  Slap some cheap American cheese on in the last few seconds, so it’s lightly melted at serving time.

Like any burger, what comes next tends to make it rise or crumble in the consumers’ eyes.  The bun should be soft and pliable, with the juice oozing into it.  Condiments are critical.  Everyone likes something different on their burgers, but this type seems to require chopped iceberg lettuce and finely diced onions, along with your signature mustard, ketchup and pickles, as desired.  Relish actually often works better on this type of burger than pickles.

The first bite should tell it all.  You must get all the ingredients in your mouth in the big chomp.  Savor it.  Let it roll around your tongue.  You’ll know right away whether you want to go back to the eateries serving these types of burgers because when you get done, you’re seriously considering ordering another round.  If you have a beer while you’re there, maybe you will get another burger.

This entry for “Meals We Steal” will establish the background for the next few entries as we explore the perfect burger.   Is it the meat?  What type of bun do you want?  How should it be cooked?  What are the best condiments?

We are all different.  Everyone likes a different burger.  That’s why it is so tough to define the best.

In the next three entries of “Meals We Steal,” we will describe the three basic types of burgers that can win a title.  You may not agree.  You may want to suggest your own .  Please send in your comments.

After years of foraging burger joints with our family, and particularly our son, who considers himself a burger connoisseur, I have come to the conclusion the following three can come out on top of a burger war:  1) The greaseburger, so defined because it is thick, large, dripping with grease, and available in dives.  2) The triple thin patty, quickly seared burger that the chef can get out rapidly.  You can get a single, double or triple, depending on your hunger level and the size of the bun.  3) The high quality meat, cooked medium rare to perfection burger.

Stay with “Meals We Steal” every other week for the next six weeks as we take a burger journey.