AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, E.S.T 1:43 a.m.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket
that you demanded that I hand over, shortly
after you pulled the knife on me and my
girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also
asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
can only hope that you somehow come across this
rather important message.
First, I'd like to
apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't
expect you to actually crap in your pants when I
drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The
evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the
jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy
that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as
a Combat Marine in Afghanistan ... She had just
bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a
shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head
... isn't it?!
I know it probably
wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come
from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was
even worse walking bare-footed since I made you
leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with
me. [That prevented you from calling or running
to your buddies to come help mug us
again].
After I called your
mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your
cell, I explained the entire episode of what
you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas
tank as well as those of four other people in
the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy
with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was
extremely
grateful!
I gave your shoes to a
homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along
with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his
day!]
I then threw your
wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was
parked at the curb ...... after I broke the
windshield and side window and keyed the entire
driver's side of the
car.
Earlier, I managed to
get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's
office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Obama as my possible
target.
The FBI guy seemed
really intense and we had a nice long chat (I
guess while he traced your number
etc.).
In a way,
perhaps I should apologize for not killing you
... but I feel this type of retribution is a far
more appropriate punishment for your threatened
crime. I wish you well as you try to sort
through some of these rather immediate pressing
issues, and can only hope that you have the
opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps
reconsider, the career path you've chosen to
pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might
not be so lucky. Have a good
day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, E.S.T 1:43 a.m.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket
that you demanded that I hand over, shortly
after you pulled the knife on me and my
girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also
asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
can only hope that you somehow come across this
rather important message.
First, I'd like to
apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't
expect you to actually crap in your pants when I
drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The
evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the
jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy
that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as
a Combat Marine in Afghanistan ... She had just
bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a
shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head
... isn't it?!
I know it probably
wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come
from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was
even worse walking bare-footed since I made you
leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with
me. [That prevented you from calling or running
to your buddies to come help mug us
again].
After I called your
mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your
cell, I explained the entire episode of what
you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas
tank as well as those of four other people in
the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy
with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was
extremely
grateful!
I gave your shoes to a
homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along
with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his
day!]
I then threw your
wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was
parked at the curb ...... after I broke the
windshield and side window and keyed the entire
driver's side of the
car.
Earlier, I managed to
get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's
office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Obama as my possible
target.
The FBI guy seemed
really intense and we had a nice long chat (I
guess while he traced your number
etc.).
In a way,
perhaps I should apologize for not killing you
... but I feel this type of retribution is a far
more appropriate punishment for your threatened
crime. I wish you well as you try to sort
through some of these rather immediate pressing
issues, and can only hope that you have the
opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps
reconsider, the career path you've chosen to
pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might
not be so lucky. Have a good
day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex