​The winner of the Cushy Job Man (CJM) title in 2017 is Horace Snorely. He narrowly edged Benjamin Broadhead. For those of you unaware, this competition has secretly been going on for years as people in corporate America figure out ways to kill time, do pointless work, and ultimately not contribute to the bottom line.

The competition is open. But few know of this unique club. Hidden beneath layers of bureaucracy, it’s only those strongly seeking the CJM title who network their way into the annual race who have any chance to win. It takes effort to pull off the CJM award.
 
Let’s take a look at Snorely and Broadhead from this past year. Both are seasoned competitors, having won the title frequently in years past, typically running against a third entrant, Dick Uhround.
 
Entrants must submit to the judge five components of their job that factors into positive CJM status. They also submit three mitigating factors where they have to work extra hard, thus offsetting CJM components.
 
Broadhead, for example, had the following specs this past year: Massive time off and paid holidays; a long leash from his boss; he gets to choose projects that he likes; he has a pension; and he has an awesome 401K program. His offsets: He must manage people; he has a gnawing sense of doing insignificant work; he must work some nights and weekends (egads!).
 
Snorely’s application included the following: Working from home, he can set up shop wherever he likes; no management looking over his shoulder; takes naps most days; establishes his own work schedule; significant paid time off (PTO). His offsets: He has one difficult customer (whoopee!); he does the work of 1.5 people; although no one looks over his shoulder, when he does need help, there is none to be found.

This was a tough call. The judge had to factor in who wastes time most effectively, who is not held accountable, who can do whatever he wants on a daily basis, and ultimately still be (at a minimum) reasonably compensated. The competition began over 20 years ago, as a small core group of professional colleagues witnessed repeated wasteful meetings, work that never contributed to the bottom line,  coworkers planning vacations and parties on company time, and fellow employees being promoted who did nothing to help the business profit. CJM was born.
 
The judge’s findings: Snorely won 2017 fairly handily:
 

• Doesn’t have to manage people
• Can nap whenever (Broadhead must do it in his car over lunch)
• No “over the shoulder” management a huge plus

 
The competitors matched up closely when it came to occasionally having to work weekends and evenings. And Snorely had a huge negative when it came to having to do the work of 1.5 people. Ultimately, the judge decided the DWTHHW factor (Do Whatever The Heck He Wants) for Snorely won out. “He’s a master with years of experience,” the judge observed.
 
To recapture the crown, Broadhead must delegate duties to trusted staff so they manage his people and he only has to give a cursory annual review to those trusted Lieutenants. He must also find a better place to nap.
 
If you’d like to be considered for the 2018 CJM competition, please send me an email. You must be monitored throughout the year and file your application in December of 2018.

​Good stuff that’s said in the course of a day could fill a book. But someone has to capture useful information, write it down and make it sensible. Otherwise, great words, sayings, pieces of advice evaporate in the wind. Something gets said, the audience/listener nods, then it’s time for lunch. There’s no follow-through.

Recently walking out of the fitness facility, I said to a guy I see there most mornings, “It’s not a tip unless you use it.” Pretty simple statement. But loaded with meaning. It works on several levels.
 
He appreciated the phrase, so I’ve saved it here for others to consider.  If you don’t take advice/tips/suggestions/direction and do something with it, whatever was stated becomes useless. It might as well not have ever been introduced into a discussion.
 
All of us get advice regularly. Most of it runs through our ears like a freight train. “Choo, choo,” and it’s gone. The engineer never slowed down to drop the message into our memory banks for further consideration.
 
It’s not really advice then. It’s someone talking, and even if we’re actively listening, that doesn’t mean anything unless you take to the next level. You must capture that information. Write it down. Repeat it to yourself. Think about it. Discuss it with someone else. Go back to it a few days later and contemplate it.

If you don’t take those steps, whoever has provided you a leadership tip or some explanation to self-improve your life has wasted his or her time. Nothing is going to occur, because you no longer have that information in front of you. And that’s just the first step.

Because you’ll never get to behavior change or actually applying something new to improve yourself, your business or your relationships, unless you incorporate it into your behavior. Hence, “It’s not a tip unless you use it.”
 
How do we make people pay attention? How can you influence people to incorporate a tip to improve their work performance or how they deal with others? All those gurus out there think they have the solutions and sell their ideas on the speakers’ circuit. What they say is often mashed potatoes. Nothing new.

What would be new though is a forum on how to get people to follow-through and take 2-3 important concepts for improvement and use them. Don’t just think about it. It’s not a tip unless you use it.
 
Are all those leadership gurus successful or are their presentations pointless? I would argue mostly the latter. Unless there is follow-through, if you hire an outside speaker to change your corporate culture, you’re wasting your time. People feel good afterwards. Employees may laugh at the speaker’s jokes. Then they all return to their cubicles and act exactly the way they did the day before.
 
The current cultural change in outing bad male behavior directed towards women (and sometimes men) is an example of something where there’s a lot being said, and now we need to use what we’ve found and take the long path to get better. There won’t be change without sustained application of a new model that’s reinforced regularly.
 
Right now we hear the message. Next, we absorb it. Specific steps must follow. What are they? It’s not a tip unless you use it.

​The following statement is nothing new: Progress is slow. But we tend to forget it.


We want things to happen yesterday, see results, watch the rapid change take place. But it doesn’t happen.
 
Years ago, when the Beatles played the song, “Revolution,” the lyrics, screaming, pace and energy in the tune gave you the impression that revolution is possible: We can quickly change the world.
 
That’s somewhat true, but more often a distortion. The overthrow of a third world military dictatorship or the release of Elon Musk’s new electric car are revolutionary events, but they have evolved over time, or must further evolve after the specific event. Those are seminal events, no question, but for the full impact to be felt of the overthrow or the market release of Musk’s cars will take years to assess what the change means to society.
 
Two weekends ago, I was driving down to a basketball game at the University of Illinois. I was in the car with one of my brothers and my son, Kirby. I forget what we were talking about. Not really important at this point. It could have been about the surgery I had on my foot in late October to shave off bone spurs on my left heel, and how I was recuperating.

At some point in the discussion, I said, “Progress is slow.” My foot is not getting better as quickly as I thought it would. I knew that going in (to a large extent anyway), but still felt I should be further along in terms of healing now that it is January.

The last time I went to the foot doctor, he said I was ahead of anyone else he done the surgery on in terms of the timetable of getting back to normal. That astounded me, as I felt like I’ve been in a cast, then a foot boot, using crutches and scooter to get around forever. Since then, physical therapy, stretching and icing have followed on a daily repetitive basis and there is still swelling and pain involved at this point, more than I figured there would be.
 
But what the doctor said indicates how progress slow. Here I am ahead of the curve and I’m wanting the process to go faster, but it DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY! It’s worthwhile for all of us to heed that message: While we may think we can turn something around overnight, it’s not gonna happen.
 
When I was a basketball referee, I thought I could get to the big games fast. Not gonna happen. You had to train, work your way up over years, demonstrating success at different levels, to even move up to varsity high school, then big school varsity high school, then small college.
 
The federal tax overhaul seems to imply rapid change. Not gonna happen. Most of us won’t see a major change in our taxes.


Elon Musk is a visionary and he makes things happen. He’s changing the world more quickly than most, but it’s still taken him years to get his cars through production and in the hands of consumers. And he’s the exception, not the rule.
 
As the cliché goes, patience is a virtue. I still need to learn it. Progress is slow. Keep taking those incremental steps and good things will happen. I hope my limp is minimal by February 1.