When you go through any extended period of seeking new employment in your career, as I have done recently, you run across whiners and complainers, along with others who see opportunities everywhere and maintain a positive attitude for the most part.  It’s a strange mix.

A huge percentage of people over the age of 50 today have been dumped from full-time employment.  I would imagine a significant number of people in their 40’s have felt that sting of seeing the Human Resources person walk down the hall, nod at you, indicate you are wanted in a closed office, and then get the word that you are out the door, your services no longer needed.

It’s not about you.  Most of the time, it’s the system that grinds you up and spits you out on the pavement.

People react differently to this.  A good friend of mine described a recent incident where he attended the retirement party of a work colleague. Granted, this was not a “job loss” celebration, though retirement would technically put him out of work.   But the sentiments expressed by this guy captured a side of employment that perhaps we forget too often – there is never a guarantee of a job and we all must find ways to provide value in an environment where it is sometimes hard to prove that to a prospective employer.

In his farewell address, he acknowledged that based on his education and skill level, he was very fortunate to land in the soft underbelly of the mother ship.  Those probably weren’t his exact words, but the sentiment nicely expressed a thankfulness that many of us never consider today.

There are certainly many bad jobs out there and bad bosses and bad companies, along with tough business environments that make it difficult to keep a positive attitude.  It makes it easier to look at the negatives.

This guy though not only understood his fortune, but also fully recognized he got handsomely rewarded over the years, allowing him and his family to enjoy a standard of living he never dreamed possible.  How many of us look at things this way?

It is easier and far more frequent that we don’t appreciate what we have.  After being tossed to the side of the road is when we look back at the vehicle driving off and appreciate the fine interior, the comfort of the seats and the joy of its sound system.  If you’d never driven a nice car, would you miss it?  If sweat shops still abounded (and, of course, they do in many parts of the world), how much more appreciative would we be of the many benefits provided by the places we’re employed in first world economies?

If you looked at the overall compensation the retiring guy received over the course of his career relative to the market, he was incredibly lucky to have the job he did.  Appreciate it.

We are not owed anything.  There has never been a contract that stated companies have to hire individuals and keep them on until retirement age (whatever that might be).  Each of us, in our own unique way, needs to demonstrate how we provide value to an entity so that it generates income.

The complexity in today’s world is the problem.  Most of us sell a skill set.  Someone must put a value on that, and determine, based on weird factors like where you went to college of if someone else likes you, what to pay you.  Or whether you should be employed at all.

You can be positive or negative about the complexity of the job market, but that doesn’t make it any less confusing or frustrating.

Working out at a fitness facility is an interesting enterprise.  You make friends.  You see people change from overweight waddling weightlifters to guys who are more svelte and limber.  You notice when regulars stop coming.  And you pay attention to the newcomers.

Most fitness centers get a mix of people in terms of sizes, ethnicities and hometown.   This keeps you occupied, sometimes conversationally, sometimes just eyeballing the circus.

You develop friendships at your workout center.  Or at least you have a passing relationship with people who show up the same time you do – a head-nod, a small wave, a smile, “good morning” or “how’s it going.” Then you go on your way and focus on your regime.

When you see someone regularly, their non-attendance stands out.  When you see a guy twice a week for two-and-a-half years consistently, when he disappears, you wonder what the heck happened.  Missing a week or even three is not necessarily a big deal.  Everyone has an injury now and then or their job takes them out-of-state or out of the country, or there is a family illness they must attend to.

It becomes more puzzling when a regular at the fitness center exits and you have no notice beforehand and no one who can explain where that person went.  It makes me think, “Where’d that guy (or woman) go?”

There was a father-son team who came in about the same time I did, and we had some common things to chat about – living in Nebraska, music from the 1970s, and a similar taste in humor.  The father was probably in his 50s, the son in his early 20s.

After 2-3 years of regular attendance, they disappeared.  It didn’t make sense because if one of them got transferred in a job, there was no reason both would relocate.  I doubt they died simultaneously.  I can’t imagine they both suddenly lost interest in working out at the exact same time.  So what the heck happened?

There is no way to find out.  I didn’t know either of their names.  It’s not like you can go to the front desk and play detective, “Hey, there were these two guys here – a father and son – who looked alike but one had brown hair and one was blonde.  Do you know where they went?”  You’d get a return look like you were batty.

You could try and find other people who worked out in the same area at the same time and ask them if they know their whereabouts.  But, really, these are situations where people just disappear from your daily routine and you will never see them again and you will have no idea where they went or why.

I don’t know why this bothers me, but it does.   It has something to do with the transitory nature of life, and people moving in and out of our spheres for different reasons on a regular basis.

As our kids high school careers wind down, we see parents who had kids in the same activities way less than we did four years ago.  You have to make an effort to keep that connection.  Our work and family lives get in the way.

I bumped into a huge guy at the airport who wore a Minnesota Football jersey last year, and I knew his dad from the fitness center and I knew his son had gone to the University of Minnesota.  The father had disappeared from his fitness routine, so I thought, “what have I got to lose” and asked the young man if he happened to be the son of the guy I knew.

“I can’t believe how many people come up and ask that,” he replied, smiling and letting me know where his father and mother had recently moved to.  It was good to hear.  We both made a connection, and I think that’s what it’s all about.

A couple of weeks ago, a networking group I meet with regularly got some tips from one of the members.  It was about how to make a good first impression.

Growing up, we were taught to smile, look the other person in the eye, and shake his or her hand warmly when we first met someone.  That still stands today.  Of the top tips on how to get a good reception when you are introduced to someone new, all three of these were up there.

There was an odd tip, too.  John Belushi mastered it years ago, ahead of his time, in how to get people liking you instantaneously.

It’s called the “raised eyebrows.”  If you remember Belushi, he would tilt his head, and give the one-eyed raise, with a quizzical expression that seemed to say, “What?  Really?  Are you kidding me?”

A good friend of mine from Wisconsin uses this gesture regularly and he makes friends quickly.  I’d never considered that might also be able to raise both eyebrows simultaneously, forcing his eyes more widely open, and earning trust as a side effect.

Regardless, for people like my friend, the raised eyebrow probably doesn’t hurt his likeability factor.  As our networking group was introduced to this tip, simple goofiness mandated that we attempt the double eyebrow raise, stretching our foreheads, ironing out the wrinkles, displaying our receding hairlines, as we all attempted to emulate the successful move and get people to laugh at the same time.

A good friend of mine in the group, we’ll call him Doug to protect his absurd sense of humor, suggested some ways in jest to practice the facial move.  One, he described to me, would be to turn to others when you are stopped at a red light, and after gaining their attention, hit them with the double eyebrow raise.  See how they respond.  Make friends on the road.  If they pull out a gun, you should wave, smile, and point to the other side of his car, then peel out of there.

Another was when you spot the mailperson arriving at your mailbox.  Walk down, making sure to catch the carrier before s/he drives off.  Don’t say anything.  Give the look.  Enlarge your eyes.  See if s/he waves.  If the truck burns rubber, you know you failed. If you get a smile in return, then this data reaffirms the legitimacy of the greeting.

The shower is another place you practice.  If you have a tiny mirror for shaving, check yourself there.  Up and down, over and over, go the eyebrows.  Looks weird, doesn’t it?  If you don’t have a mirror, check your reflection in the shower door.  It won’t be quite as clear, but you should get a sense of whether you will trust yourself or just crack up if someone gave you the sustained eyebrow raise.

Doug, yanking my chain, said he found it “quite satisfying” while working his smile in the shower.  Soon it will sweep the country, he predicted.

The eyebrow raise, along with the smile, hand shake and head nod are all important initial gestures that communicate to someone new your receptivity as a fellow human being on this planet.  They all signal an openness and willingness to respond and engage in a positive fashion.

In our world of sustained negativity, you can’t argue with adding the arched eyebrow to your arsenal of good intentions.  Raise your likeability factor.  Get people laughing.  Pretend you’re John Belushi.

Next time you’re in a new group, go to the rest room and practice, then return and dominate the guests.  Even if they don’t think you do stand-up comedy, at least you’ll make a new friend for the evening, and there’s a lot to be said for that.

Man, people do stupid things.  Once is not enough, either.  They repeat the idiocy over and over.  We’re left muttering whether humanity will make it.

Our part of Texas was hit several weeks back with torrential rains.  We live down from a park that leads to Lake Grapevine, one of the reservoirs for the area where massive levels of water collect to serve parts of the Dallas-Fort Worth area. 

The rains caused water to flood up the park’s road, to a gate that prevents car access.  From there, it is another 100 yards to a road where you can turn right or left.  Local officials put a roadblock there to prevent entry.

This was not enough to stop the boneheads.  The neighbor at the corner (who just happens to be a very tolerant police officer) found this out quickly.  Within days of the roadblock going up, people decided to drive on his yard to get around it, and go the extra 100 yards before the water stopped them.

This left HUGE ruts in his front yard.  The lunacy went on for days.  I kept thinking, “Man, if that was my yard, I’d unleash flamethrowers.  “LIGHT THE TIP, JOEY AND TURN THE PETROL NOZZLE UP!!”  Instead, my neighbor tolerated the nut jobs, until finally the “Do Not Trespass” signs popped up on his corner.

I went down to talk with him.  He related several tales of the idiots coming down our block, ones who choose not to read, ones who think signs don’t apply to them, and ones who just plain think they can go do whatever the heck they desire.

One woman, for example, whose truck became mired in his yard, told him when he asked her why she drove on his yard, “Oh, my surfboard was going to hit the sign, so I had to go around it.” Duh.  Pay your $250 fine, and fix his yard while you’re at it.

Another, this one a guy on a golf cart, chose to whip through on his golf cart.  He, too, came up short. What was his excuse?  My neighbor the police officer asked if he had seen the “No Trespassing” signs (note the plural phrase, not singular).  The golf cart guy replied in the affirmative.

So my neighbor asked why the golf cart guy chose to turn his yard into a fairway.  “Oh, I didn’t care what the sign said,” or “I didn’t think you meant it,” was the gist of the reply.  KA-CHING, given another $250 to the Grapevine PD, and let’s see that cart impounded.

This doesn’t just happen in our neighborhood.  In a connecting community, Flower Mound, a road was blocked off with, “Do Not Enter:  Flooding Ahead” signs.  Did this stop another dim bulb from stopping her car, moving the sign to the side, and driving through the floodwaters until her car died and she had to be safely pulled out by rescue vehicles?  Of course not.  She probably couldn’t read though.  I hope that beyond any fine she was assessed, her taxes quadrupled and she has to personally pay the next 49 rescue efforts in her city.  Maybe that will curtail her numb-headedness, but I doubt it.

We are doomed, as my younger brother is fond of saying.  Sometimes I wonder what percentage of U.S. society is dumber than a fence post. 

Over and over the idiocy of the human species surfaces. If we can’t read signs or we choose to ignore directions, it’s all going to be chaos.  We need to teach improved intelligence and start now.