​Good thing I’ve gone through several periods of unemployment over the years, or my recent interaction with Facebook might have turned ugly. When you can’t figure something out relative to software in some program, there’s no one to turn to usually. And battling unemployment software as you apply for jobs is about as bad as it gets.
 
Frustration turns to rage. Rage turns to a sense of loss. Then everything seems pointless.

Let’s set the scene: I went on Facebook to post an item. I couldn’t reach my page. Because I manage several accounts for clients, one of my other accounts came up as my home page, but no matter what steps were taken, there was no way back to my personal home page.
 
When things like this happen, you try to be logical. Not that interactive software programs are logical. You must know AND follow the pattern of however the person designing the script wants you to go. Since you don’t know that, any step you take is illogical (unless you squeak in the correct one).
 
That means you must try counter-intuitive steps, make leaps into strange places and see where it takes you. In the case with Facebook, that meant clicking every button on the page. None sent me anywhere useable.
 
The next step meant going to Ms. Google and checking on how to solve the problem with Facebook. While they posed 897 potential questions, none pertained to: “My Facebook page disappeared.” I invented one and clicked to submit it. Still waiting for that answer as it evaporates in the ether world.
 
Third step was using Ms. Google again to re-sign in. Yup, makes sense. Maybe there is something locked in on one of the other accounts I manage, limiting my ability to return to my personal homepage.

In this case, Ms. Google made things more difficult, as the first nine entries all sent me right back to the same page, and did not give me an option to sign in with my password. Sigh.
 
YES! On the tenth Google listing, there was the option to sign in. VICTORY?!
 
Nope. Checking into this option meant having a code. The way the phrasing was worded meant you were already supposed to have it. Nope.
 
More frustration. More back and forth. Then, I went back to the login and figured there had to be more. Read and scrolled deeper onto the page, and you could ask to have the code texted to you, which I did, and BAM, the code came to email, I inserted it, and my homepage popped up. Only 47 minutes of yanking on my declining hair, thinking about asking my wife for support, but then knowing that even though she’s a technological genius, she would be no help because she does nothing with Facebook, so I was on my own.
 
I draw the unemployment analogy to lend solace to anyone who has lost their job in the last 10-15 years. There are so many non-intuitive steps you must take to apply for jobs, and each company chooses to baffle you further with requirements, and you regularly get your electronic applications stymied because of a lack of certain data, that it’s way easier to give up on jobs then to apply for them.
 
Maybe companies looking to hire good people should hook up with Facebook to share information. They might be able to come up with solutions, but they’d probably only serve to further confuse. Scrap that idea. You’re on your own. Good luck. Hopefully you have someone savvy and young enough in your family tree to lend a hand. That’s the best you’re gonna get. Don’t call me, as I’ll be out back with a beer.

​I had a good chuckle this past weekend. Actually, there were several. But one in particular stood out because the humor inherent in the statement that made me laugh was so self-evident, while at the same time something that we so rarely consider.
 
A close friend was visiting for a couple of days, and as is custom, excellent conversation ensued. By this, I mean true interchange. Not the stuff that some many people seem to engage in – ranting towards others and not listening.
 
When I get together with this individual, we typically open the mind of the other person, listen intently, share stories and make each other laugh. When he shared the following statement, he wasn’t necessarily trying to make me crack up, but the truth of what he said (once you thought about it a bit) made me laugh because otherwise it would upset you.
 
His statement was to the effect of the following, “I’m sick and tired of hearing polls that say the country is going in the wrong direction.” On the face of it, when we are exposed to these poll results and ensuing story, we don’t think twice about it.
 
Our conversation that ensued embraced a number of perspectives regarding how people respond to these polls, how misleading they are, and how they drive us to think negatively about events and the “direction” of our country. As if we are always going downhill.
 
Rather than polling with specific questions that lead the responder to think about what is going right or trending in a positive direction, what gets posed instead is the generic question. “Do you believe the country is going in the right direction?” If you answer yes or no, it his highly likely that it doesn’t matter what year it is, who is president or what specifically is going on in the country.

Because U.S. citizens seem to have a built-in meter for negative events (mostly driven by media accounts that extrapolate on events with vicious adjectives and brutal images), we are regularly going to respond to that polling question by agreeing with the statement that the country is going in the wrong direction. It’s the easy out. “Yeah, things aren’t looking too good.”
 
As opposed to, “Hmmmm, we keep increasing our output of renewable electric generating sources. The lights stayed on over the weekend when those two severe thunderstorms hit our area. There’s fresh food AGAIN this week in our supermarket. I was able to hop in my car and drive to my brother’s house two hours away and never got stuck in a traffic jam.”
 
Instead, we’d complain about the electric grid getting over-taxed and the potential for failure during peak load, food prices going up, and the cost of gasoline to drive to your brother’s house. Somehow the poll question needs to be reworded to dig into the variety of current issues.
 
A simple declarative question can’t encapsulate all that is going on given the world in which we live. There needs to be an open-ended question that allows the responder to provide context from their perspective. Polling typically won’t provide that because that would be too difficult to frame and put a percentage figure on it.

Given life’s complications, there’s usually something we’re all battling to turn around or improve while at the same time good things are also coming our way. Sometimes the load is overwhelming, no question about that, whether it’s personally or for the country at large. In the future, when you hear 63 percent of those polled don’t think the country is going in the right direction, remember to ask, “What direction are you talking about?”

​ 
My wife thinks I’m a nut. A mustard nut. She’s right.
 
From a very early age, I’ve loved mustard. Particularly yellow mustard, the kind you’d ladle on hot dogs as a kid when attending baseball games. The hot dog and bun tasted so much better with that jolt of mustard.
 
Though the journey began many years ago, it continues today, with deeper exploration into the unknowns of mustards prepared with ingredients previously unconsidered. You can put just about anything into mustard to give it a twist. I’ve found that’s a nice touch for adding zest to meals, something always worthwhile. Something new and tasty enhances the dish.
 
To explore mustards, you must have a certain personality that likes to try new things, or you have a strange twist that focuses intently on its specific tangy qualities. You savor it, so you want to improve on it, figure out what works well with spread.
 
Honey mustard is good on hard pretzels. Relish mustard is great on hamburgers. Spicey brown mustard helps bologna become something more. Spread Dijon on lamb chops. Stone ground works well on grilled chicken. Those are just a few of the basics to shake up your cupboard. There are more.
 
In Wisconsin, there is a mustard museum to overwhelm your senses. Yes, there is an entire building dedicated to all the types of mustards from around the globe. You can tour the facility, taste the unique blend of spices mixed to help you create special dishes in your kitchen. While I have not visited this epic facility in Middleton, it is on my list of places to coerce my wife to join me for a tour. We’ll see if that happens. If not, I may have to take a jaunt over to explore on my own, and bring home at least three samples.
 
I figure three new types of mustard is a good number. One could be terrible, one mediocre and one great. If the odds fall the way they do with most things in life, that’s probably how the samples would average out. The majority of items fall into the middle zone, and once in a while you get a product that deserves an A+, and statistically you probably get a similar percentage that stink and should rank as an “F” on the grading scale.

Recently, my brother-in-law purchased a bottle of mustard for me after I saw a jar in a local store that was described as having dill and beer pale ale. MMmmmmmmmmm, sounded spectacular. It wasn’t. At least on first taste. It made me frown, almost gag. If I’d been at the Mustard Museum, I’d never have purchased it after that one taste. Since I wasn’t, I tried it again, and the spices expanded with a tartness I didn’t encounter upon first lick. The taste grew and grew on me. Now it’s a staple for sandwiches.
 
There’s a mustard for everyone. And, you’ll find mustards you hate. Dijon, for example, is not on my eat list. That doesn’t stop friends and family from requesting it with roast ham on a regular basis. Keep tasting and savoring. 

You may have done this exercise in your mind or talked it through with a friend when someone raised it as a speculative question. “If you could have dinner with any four people in the world (either all together or one-on-one with each; and they can be dead or alive), who would it be and why?”
 
It’s quite an in-depth exercise. There are many variables to consider. Do you want someone with a great sense of humor (yes). If so, how would you know that? You have to base it on perceptions.

Do you want someone controversial? You could ask lots of questions on why they did what they did to become out on the edge.
 
Would you want to speak to a historical figure? Someone you consider “great?” A leader? An entertainer, scientist or politician?

When I’ve raised these questions with others, the discussion about who to visit with becomes quite agitated. There are no right answers. And, we’d all want to sit and talk with someone different, because we’re different.
 
One name that comes up constantly is “Jesus.” People want to hear what he has to say, ask him things, when he’s coming back, what he really meant when he spoke indirectly. I totally understand. Great choice, but not on my list.
 
Watching “Wheel of Fortune” a lot since Covid arrived, I have grown fond of Pat Sajak, and would like to have a meal with him to find out how he’s become so quick-witted. I have friends who will call me a “dip” for listing him. But, he makes me laugh and smile, and his ability to ad lib is astronomical. I’d like to see what he’s like face-to-face. Think of the stories Sajak could tell you.
“Pink,” the singer, would another choice. Her background and how she raised herself up to be a star, fighting through many difficulties perks my attention. She’s thoughtful, her lyrics strongly empower women and speak to their experiences growing up, sharing what she learned to help others through the day. It would be great to dig into her background, have her tell stories on what’s behind those lyrics in her real life.

Denzel Washington is a third choice. Here’s a guy who’s been a thoughtful star in Hollywood, for what now, for over 35 years? That stat alone is amazing. If you look into his roles, who he’s chosen to take on as characters, there is a gut to each of them as an underdog or an important historical figure or the little guy taking on the system. Finding out what drives him, how he’s sustained himself against obstacles would fuel my steak dinner with him.
​
Finally, and this is hard because you have to eliminate the other 37 people you think you’d enjoy a deep conversation and a few beers with, would be LeBron James. He may not be the GOAT (Greatest of All-Time), but he’s dang close and will always be in that conversation. He’s taken three teams onto win an NBA championship, doing whatever it takes. To me, his all-round basketball game (rebounding, passing, defending, scoring, leading) are the best-ever. And, his career has spanned a period of many social causes where he has stood up for his beliefs, being active, lifting up others. He’s a great example to others, and as we enjoyed a few IPA’s together (or whatever his beverage is), I’d want to find out what fuels him. How he chose to give back, when and why he chose to stand up, what he really wanted to do with each team in the NBA when he moved on. He took the criticism each time, and stepped up.
 
There are many more possibilities. Those are four from me. What’re yours?

​The phrase about corn crops, “knee high by the fourth of July,” doesn’t really make sense when you think about it. Whose knees are we talking about? Mine? A giraffe’s? A mouse’s? An “average” human?
 
Depending on perspective, you could argue the corn is way behind or way ahead of its normal growth cycle depending on the human or animal knees you decided to measure with. Yeah, yeah, it’s a silly point, but still there’s a certain relevance to it when we make generic statements like that – your frame of reference has a lot to do with your perspective.
 
Spending a large portion of my life in the Midwest watching corn grow over the summer, I began hearing the “knee high” comment sometime during my high school years. You don’t think anything about it. Kind of a generic statement and you respond with a shoulder shrug. Who cares?
 
Well, the farmers do, and in the chain of food distribution, we all should care, since how well the corn grows affects supply and prices at some point. If it’s ankle high by the fourth of July, will there even be a harvest? With age, I began to wonder those things.
 
Yet, for some odd reason, regardless of heavy spring rains or heat, drought or flood, too cold temperatures or too hot, that hardy corn hung in there. At the fourth, it was always pretty close to “my” knee high, which I guess is the measuring stick we all have to go with once you get down to it.
 
This year found us a dry spring. Almost no rain in April and May. Very unusual. Planting was delayed. Once planting occurred, no rain fell.

As the corn sprouted little seedlings, it seemed stuck to the earth, not wanting to rise to the sky and be seen. Fields became almost dusty and the tiny plants lounged around doing nothing.

Then in mid-June, BAM, we get two massive dumps of water over a three-day period. The fields quickly saturated.
 
The corn stalks took the hint and began to hop ahead. Rising skyward, my wife and I remarked on almost a daily basis, “Whoa, the corn sure has grown since yesterday.”

It was true. You could see a visible growth day-to-day. It may sound hard to believe, but if you live in an area where corn is grown, go check it out this time of year.
 
To a certain extent, it almost reminds you of a child’s growth spurt. One day your kid is lagging behind everyone in height, then in six months sometime in those adolescent years, they rocket upward by 3-5 inches and become “normal.”
 
Corn is kinda like that. It seems to stay dormant, as necessary, saving its energy for just the right moment. Some combination of rain saturation with the proper sunlight and heat. Then, LOOK OUT, here they grow.
 
My wife and I stopped in a corn patch recently to take a photo with my knees next to the corn. I thought it would “not be knee high by the fourth of July.” But, it was. The corn stalks looked shorter from the road than when you stand next to them.

We should get another good crop of field corn this year. Now, how do we measure soybeans’ growth path? “Ankle high by the fourth of July?”