Given the direct prescription drugs-to-consumer advertising movement, one would think that people are informed about the side effects of any given drug. If you’re going to ingest something, don’t you want to know how it will affect you?
Even if you do read the small print after you get a prescription, or even if you listen closely as your doctor describes potential side effects, you actually have to put your psychological and emotional blinders on to take the medicine. That’s because if you paid attention to all the possible things that could go wrong, you’d worry more about that then the malady you had to start with.
All it takes is listening to one TV ad for “Affluensica,” the new drug just out and designed to mitigate the symptoms of an affluent upbringing for teenagers by parents who don’t discipline them. You may have read about this dire malady in the past week, one that can only be alleviated by “Affluensica,” the medicine to “get your teenager’s head back on straight.”
The problem is, like all of these drugs, they come with unintended consequences. If you take Affluensica, you expose yourself to all kinds of new risks. Will a teenager listen to his doctor and repeatedly gulp down the pills as he’s been told? Hard to tell. If he does pay attention to the unintended consequences of Affluensica, he might hesitate.
For this hypothetical drug, imagine the TV ad: “Is your son affected with the dreaded disease Affluenza? Then he might be a candidate for Affluensica, the prescription drug available only from Lobotomee Pharmaceuticals, designed to make him stop disobeying authority and thumbing his nose at his parents.”
Video of healthy, good-looking young male engaged in happy earnest conversation with two richly dressed parents. “With Affluensica, you’ll find yourself talking WITH your son rather than AT him. Affluensica is available in six-month injections to ensure patients take the appropriate dosage.”
Roll to end of script, with the young male playing with the family dog, prancing through a bucolic hillside. “Like other drugs, Affluensica can create unintended consequences. If you feel any of the following symptoms, call your doctor, 911 or visit a hospital emergency room immediately: Stomach cramps; indigestion; head pain (does banging our head count?); stuffy nose (how are we supposed to know?); muscle pain; pain in arms or legs (???); temporary redness of face or neck (what if the teenager is just embarrassed?); cough (ahem, does throat clearing count?).
The side effects above are typically read first by the narrator. They are then followed by the more severe, but rarer potential side effects: Blockage or closing off of blood vessels in retina of eye (dammit, I can’t see anymore); blurred vision (so much for driving); hearing loss (what the heck did you just say); high blood pressure; heart attack; blood pressure drop upon standing (oopsie, bonked my head on that one); trouble breathing; short-term memory loss (could prove helpful when coming up with excuses to parents); ringing in the ears (one more reason he doesn’t hear what his parents say); and finally, the always listed drowsiness, dizziness, diarrhea and potential death.
So, ultimately, death by Affluensica is a possibility. If the teenager didn’t take it, he could still die. What’s the benefit?
Ads for drugs that list multiple, almost endless, side effects really make you wonder if taking it is worth the consequences. Balancing improvement for conditions like anxiety, high cholesterol, eczema or some other killer disease from taking medicine against the horrendous side effects can put you into a zone of denial.
“Heck, who cares about heart disease? I’m gonna die anyway.”
“What’s the big deal about high blood pressure? Everyone over the age of 50 has it anyway. You only live once.”
There is no simple answer to guide you. But remember, the drug companies want to turn a profit, so factor that in.
Even if you do read the small print after you get a prescription, or even if you listen closely as your doctor describes potential side effects, you actually have to put your psychological and emotional blinders on to take the medicine. That’s because if you paid attention to all the possible things that could go wrong, you’d worry more about that then the malady you had to start with.
All it takes is listening to one TV ad for “Affluensica,” the new drug just out and designed to mitigate the symptoms of an affluent upbringing for teenagers by parents who don’t discipline them. You may have read about this dire malady in the past week, one that can only be alleviated by “Affluensica,” the medicine to “get your teenager’s head back on straight.”
The problem is, like all of these drugs, they come with unintended consequences. If you take Affluensica, you expose yourself to all kinds of new risks. Will a teenager listen to his doctor and repeatedly gulp down the pills as he’s been told? Hard to tell. If he does pay attention to the unintended consequences of Affluensica, he might hesitate.
For this hypothetical drug, imagine the TV ad: “Is your son affected with the dreaded disease Affluenza? Then he might be a candidate for Affluensica, the prescription drug available only from Lobotomee Pharmaceuticals, designed to make him stop disobeying authority and thumbing his nose at his parents.”
Video of healthy, good-looking young male engaged in happy earnest conversation with two richly dressed parents. “With Affluensica, you’ll find yourself talking WITH your son rather than AT him. Affluensica is available in six-month injections to ensure patients take the appropriate dosage.”
Roll to end of script, with the young male playing with the family dog, prancing through a bucolic hillside. “Like other drugs, Affluensica can create unintended consequences. If you feel any of the following symptoms, call your doctor, 911 or visit a hospital emergency room immediately: Stomach cramps; indigestion; head pain (does banging our head count?); stuffy nose (how are we supposed to know?); muscle pain; pain in arms or legs (???); temporary redness of face or neck (what if the teenager is just embarrassed?); cough (ahem, does throat clearing count?).
The side effects above are typically read first by the narrator. They are then followed by the more severe, but rarer potential side effects: Blockage or closing off of blood vessels in retina of eye (dammit, I can’t see anymore); blurred vision (so much for driving); hearing loss (what the heck did you just say); high blood pressure; heart attack; blood pressure drop upon standing (oopsie, bonked my head on that one); trouble breathing; short-term memory loss (could prove helpful when coming up with excuses to parents); ringing in the ears (one more reason he doesn’t hear what his parents say); and finally, the always listed drowsiness, dizziness, diarrhea and potential death.
So, ultimately, death by Affluensica is a possibility. If the teenager didn’t take it, he could still die. What’s the benefit?
Ads for drugs that list multiple, almost endless, side effects really make you wonder if taking it is worth the consequences. Balancing improvement for conditions like anxiety, high cholesterol, eczema or some other killer disease from taking medicine against the horrendous side effects can put you into a zone of denial.
“Heck, who cares about heart disease? I’m gonna die anyway.”
“What’s the big deal about high blood pressure? Everyone over the age of 50 has it anyway. You only live once.”
There is no simple answer to guide you. But remember, the drug companies want to turn a profit, so factor that in.