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Alligator Golf

4/30/2017

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​Do alligators play golf? I don’t know. If you can answer that question, please let me know. Ian Poulter, who’s a pro on the men’s tour, would also appreciate any information you have.
 
Several weeks back, he was playing in South Carolina. The tournament is known for having alligators on the course. Sometimes they sun themselves on the grass. Sometimes the camera catches them meandering around in the water.
 
On this day, Poulter hit his ball into the water, so he took a drop nearby. An alligator came over to the edge of the water line to watch. Here’s where we’d like to get some reptile information. What the heck was the gator thinking?
 
Did he want a piece of Poulter’s leg? Was he salivating, thinking to himself, “Mmmmmm, I’ve never tasted a blonde-haired Englishman with a dry wit before. He’s probably got a sharp bouquet.”
 
“No,” you say? The alligator isn’t that smart?
 
Well, how the heck do we know? How the heck do we know anything about animals? We presume because we use tools and can write that somehow we’re smarter or know more than other species. I’m not so sure when I watch these thousands of videos online that demonstrate animals helping each other out when they get in a tight jam, like that one where the cat jumps down into a garbage dump to pull out a terrorized dog that can’t get up the side of the pit to safety.
 
Alligators may just enjoy golf. We don’t know. That big boy could have been waiting for Poulter’s annual visit to South Carolina, thinking to himself, “I hope that skinny guy who wears the bright clothes hits one close to me this weekend. I love his backswing. And he can feather a deuce in there.”
 
Can alligators smell? I don’t know. Maybe he enjoys Poulter’s cologne. It could be he smelled good, so he didn’t want to leave his post.
 
Regardless of all this conjecturing, if you get a chance, go on YouTube and watch the video. It’s darn amusing. There’s some conversation about what to do (What would you do? Would you hit the ball with a gator a few feet away, eyeballing your left calf? I DON’T THINK SO!). The caddy and Poulter go back and forth. The announcer throws a few funny phrases in there.

They spank the ground with a club to get him to move. Nothing. Finally, the caddy charges at him, swinging the club wildly, and the gator splashes off into deeper water.
 
There, he circled and continued to watch the play. The whole thing was funny and disconcerting at the same time.
 
I have to believe the gator has either developed a sense that humans are interesting, white balls are fun to watch, or golf is his favorite sport. He’s bored floating around in the water all day, chowing on frogs or fish or whatever it is that gators find in the waterways. When he’s done, he’s got to figure out what to do with his spare time.

What better way to kill the Saturday and Sunday afternoons they relaxing and watching some golf? And he doesn’t have to turn on the TV. He gets a front row seat.  Hmmmm, sounds great.
 
Alligators are probably ahead of us on the evolutionary scale. They’ve figured out how to get into a golf tournament for free and grab an awesome seat on the course, right next to the pros. Too bad they don’t know how to scream “YOU DA MAN!,” because that would complete their day.

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