An African American friend of mine writes a regular column that he sends out via email and sometimes over Facebook. Recently he addressed the issue of cultural awareness. He made a crucial point about the importance of being aware of how people from different backgrounds approach issues, communicate, and indeed, have different belief systems. Finding understanding – transcending the unique ways that each of us looks at things – mandates that we think long and hard about the other side.
Most of us have been raised at least having heard the phrase, “Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.” Most of us don’t live with that in mind. We push it way back and prefer not to think about it. We prefer to point fingers, we choose not to listen and we assume our way of living or thinking is “the” way.
That’s not true, as any mature person learns through the many stages of life. There are as many ways of looking at the world as there are human beings. Groups of people, tribes, cultures, countries identify with specific messages, attitudes and beliefs. If we do not grow up exposed to those views, it’s easy to laugh, neglect or demonize them. In a highly diverse world that is dangerous for everyone.
As my friend points out, cultural awareness is tremendously important. And it works both sides of the street.
Around 20 years ago when I still refereed high school and college basketball, a good professional colleague who worked games with me regularly was with me in my office and we had a lively conversation going. We were friends. Or so I thought.
I fully understand the bad connotations of using the phrase “boy,” and what it means in the context of slavery, and have never used that term in a bullying or bossing way. I’ve used it when referring to boys. I have also (and continue to do so to this day) used the phrase, “attaboy” with people I like to demonstrate I appreciate something they did.
As he and I spoke, he got me laughing at something. As a term of endearment, I said, “attaboy.” He read me the riot act. I was taken aback.
I explained my complete understanding when not to use the “boy” term and explained that, “attaboy is me patting you on the back, supporting you, congratulating you, telling you what a great job you did. It is a sign of our friendship. I thought we knew each other well enough for me to extend that phrase in friendship to you.”
He remained angry. He did not see my point. I apologized. I’m not sure ultimately what he took away from our discussion. I hope it was a willingness to look at things differently.
We cannot change the past. I can’t change that conversation. I also would not will our discussion away. It was excellent cultural awareness for both of us. His words and view were important to him, and it was good that he raised his points to me.
I hope today he is willing to accept an “attaboy” of praise delivered in the right way from some white guy who may not know him well. If that take-away occurred for both of us, we mutually enriched our society and the world.
Bruised feelings, hate crimes and even shootings are not going away overnight. In the chaotic and violent United States of the 21st century, greater cultural awareness all around helps everyone lower the level of violence
If we all took a step forward instead of a step back and CHOOSE to shake a hand, learn a phrase, share an embrace, we might just make a dent in those numbers over the coming decade.
Most of us have been raised at least having heard the phrase, “Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.” Most of us don’t live with that in mind. We push it way back and prefer not to think about it. We prefer to point fingers, we choose not to listen and we assume our way of living or thinking is “the” way.
That’s not true, as any mature person learns through the many stages of life. There are as many ways of looking at the world as there are human beings. Groups of people, tribes, cultures, countries identify with specific messages, attitudes and beliefs. If we do not grow up exposed to those views, it’s easy to laugh, neglect or demonize them. In a highly diverse world that is dangerous for everyone.
As my friend points out, cultural awareness is tremendously important. And it works both sides of the street.
Around 20 years ago when I still refereed high school and college basketball, a good professional colleague who worked games with me regularly was with me in my office and we had a lively conversation going. We were friends. Or so I thought.
I fully understand the bad connotations of using the phrase “boy,” and what it means in the context of slavery, and have never used that term in a bullying or bossing way. I’ve used it when referring to boys. I have also (and continue to do so to this day) used the phrase, “attaboy” with people I like to demonstrate I appreciate something they did.
As he and I spoke, he got me laughing at something. As a term of endearment, I said, “attaboy.” He read me the riot act. I was taken aback.
I explained my complete understanding when not to use the “boy” term and explained that, “attaboy is me patting you on the back, supporting you, congratulating you, telling you what a great job you did. It is a sign of our friendship. I thought we knew each other well enough for me to extend that phrase in friendship to you.”
He remained angry. He did not see my point. I apologized. I’m not sure ultimately what he took away from our discussion. I hope it was a willingness to look at things differently.
We cannot change the past. I can’t change that conversation. I also would not will our discussion away. It was excellent cultural awareness for both of us. His words and view were important to him, and it was good that he raised his points to me.
I hope today he is willing to accept an “attaboy” of praise delivered in the right way from some white guy who may not know him well. If that take-away occurred for both of us, we mutually enriched our society and the world.
Bruised feelings, hate crimes and even shootings are not going away overnight. In the chaotic and violent United States of the 21st century, greater cultural awareness all around helps everyone lower the level of violence
If we all took a step forward instead of a step back and CHOOSE to shake a hand, learn a phrase, share an embrace, we might just make a dent in those numbers over the coming decade.