This event happened a couple of weeks back. I wrote it down as something funny and embarrassing, then set it aside. The idea had to percolate to see whether my embarrassment would stand the test of time or the humorous side would win out. I’m going with the humor. So here it is.
After swimming at my workout facility on early Sunday morning, I sat in the whirlpool, went in the sauna, then finished my sweating routine by heading into the steam room. It was empty.
I have a stretching series of exercises to work through while in the steam room. Some are specifically for my feet and Achilles, as well as my upper back and shoulders to help with good posture. It’s relaxing. Afterwards, I’m ready to face the day with a more positive attitude.
That Sunday, I felt some unexpected air rumblings in my gut. After flexing my stomach muscles through several sets of the exercises, it became apparent that the air was going to have to work its way out of my body. I didn’t care. There was no one in the room with me.
A sudden expansion pushed the gas and I unleashed a fuselage in three monumental stages, brappa brappa brappa, pause, toot, toot, toot, slight pause, then multiple honks before it was finally finished. I sighed in satisfaction. Man, it felt good!
I continued stretching. A few minutes later, a residual explosion occurred. I got up, faced the far corner to do some leg stretches and saw that someone has been in the room the whole time. The steam had obscured his presence. He’d been silent the entire time I was making a sound spectacle.
My faced turned into a ripe tomato, I’m sure, as a I apologized, “I am SO sorry. I had no idea you were in here.”
Through the haze, you could see a gigantic smile on this guy’s face, and I could only imagine how amused he must have been by the loudest and longest public fart in the history of the world, rivaling the burp of Will Ferrell in the movie “Elf” after he chugs a 2-liter bottle of Coca Cola, then burps voluminously for 18-consecutive seconds, then turns to his brother and says, “DID YOU HEAR THAT!?!?!?” Uh, nope.
I cry laughing every year watching that scene. The guy in the steam room will hopefully feel the same way about my incident in the years ahead.
After apologizing, I said to him, “Man, you’re going to have a funny story to tell your friends today: ‘You won’t believe what I heard this morning’.” Then he’ll regale them with how he tried not to laugh out loud as my mortar shots reverberated off the walls.
We all get embarrassed. I can remember the public explosions of two close friends, that probably rival mine, but not for sustained resonance. I think mine took the trophy.
The point is though that we all sometimes just lose it, and that’s part of the humanity we all bring to the world. We aren’t machines. None of us is ever going to be perfect. Sometimes the unexpected comes out of our bodies. It can be amazing or embarrassing. Hopefully the former far more frequently then the latter.
Still, we have to accept the latter. Mine could have been prevented if I’d seen the guy in the corner of the room when I first sat down and relaxed.
But, that would have spoiled the fun, and he would never have that hilarious story to tell. So I reckon it all works out in the long run, and as my grandmother used to tell my dad, “Better to have an empty house than a bad tenant.”Sage words, indeed.
After swimming at my workout facility on early Sunday morning, I sat in the whirlpool, went in the sauna, then finished my sweating routine by heading into the steam room. It was empty.
I have a stretching series of exercises to work through while in the steam room. Some are specifically for my feet and Achilles, as well as my upper back and shoulders to help with good posture. It’s relaxing. Afterwards, I’m ready to face the day with a more positive attitude.
That Sunday, I felt some unexpected air rumblings in my gut. After flexing my stomach muscles through several sets of the exercises, it became apparent that the air was going to have to work its way out of my body. I didn’t care. There was no one in the room with me.
A sudden expansion pushed the gas and I unleashed a fuselage in three monumental stages, brappa brappa brappa, pause, toot, toot, toot, slight pause, then multiple honks before it was finally finished. I sighed in satisfaction. Man, it felt good!
I continued stretching. A few minutes later, a residual explosion occurred. I got up, faced the far corner to do some leg stretches and saw that someone has been in the room the whole time. The steam had obscured his presence. He’d been silent the entire time I was making a sound spectacle.
My faced turned into a ripe tomato, I’m sure, as a I apologized, “I am SO sorry. I had no idea you were in here.”
Through the haze, you could see a gigantic smile on this guy’s face, and I could only imagine how amused he must have been by the loudest and longest public fart in the history of the world, rivaling the burp of Will Ferrell in the movie “Elf” after he chugs a 2-liter bottle of Coca Cola, then burps voluminously for 18-consecutive seconds, then turns to his brother and says, “DID YOU HEAR THAT!?!?!?” Uh, nope.
I cry laughing every year watching that scene. The guy in the steam room will hopefully feel the same way about my incident in the years ahead.
After apologizing, I said to him, “Man, you’re going to have a funny story to tell your friends today: ‘You won’t believe what I heard this morning’.” Then he’ll regale them with how he tried not to laugh out loud as my mortar shots reverberated off the walls.
We all get embarrassed. I can remember the public explosions of two close friends, that probably rival mine, but not for sustained resonance. I think mine took the trophy.
The point is though that we all sometimes just lose it, and that’s part of the humanity we all bring to the world. We aren’t machines. None of us is ever going to be perfect. Sometimes the unexpected comes out of our bodies. It can be amazing or embarrassing. Hopefully the former far more frequently then the latter.
Still, we have to accept the latter. Mine could have been prevented if I’d seen the guy in the corner of the room when I first sat down and relaxed.
But, that would have spoiled the fun, and he would never have that hilarious story to tell. So I reckon it all works out in the long run, and as my grandmother used to tell my dad, “Better to have an empty house than a bad tenant.”Sage words, indeed.