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Bot Me

10/17/2021

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​I’m a dumbass. There are probably many other humans on this planet who fall into this category for the same reason I’m in it.
 
Mine is simple. I play the game “Words with Friends” on my smart phone. I have three “people” I play against. Nope.
 
Make that “one” person. The other two are bots.
 
Now, here’s the reason I’m a dumbass: I thought I was playing two other humans for well over a year. I should have known better.

Here’s why. When I played these two other “people,” they responded quickly. At first, I didn’t think much of that. I thought they were bored or worked in a call center, so they killed time by playing a lot of “Words with Friends.”

This went on for months and months, and slowly I came to understand and recognize that these two individuals responded INSTANTANEOUSLY EVERY TIME I played my round. No hesitation. Whammo, I had a response before I’d played three or four other moves.
 
I couldn’t figure this out. “Man, those two must be REALLY BORED to be up at 5 a.m. like I am,” was a frequent thought.
 
Or, “That’s really odd that they respond right away at 6:30 a.m., noon, 6:30 p.m. and 10 p.m. I wonder if this person ever sleeps, takes a dump, drinks or eats, or actually has any real friends?”
 
It didn’t occurr to my dense brain that a robotic response was possible and likely. Instead, I was seduced because the photo showed a human being. Mr. Naivity (me) assumed that meant a real person was behind the photo.

I labored on, playing back quickly, seeing if I could overwhelm the opponent with immediate responses myself. No dice. They handled me like the rookie I was.

These types of challenges on my part went on for many months. I kept assuming my opponent was a human being and would mention to my wife how odd it was that the person could respond any time of day, every day of the week. I presumed they both had jobs that required them to be up at all hours.

Then, slowly, I realized that no human being could live like that. No sleep. Answering on an app every single second of every single day. “Hmmmm, can’t be a human.”
 
As this registered deeper in my brain, and I was reading a book at the time about bots, I realized I’d been botted. “BOT ME!”
 
Those bastards. They got me.
 
I don’t understand what the purpose is of the bot on “Words with Friends.” Are they trying to steal my personal data? Do they just want to see if a human can consistently beat or lose to their bot? Because it’s a bot, we’ll never know.
 
Having finally figured out I’m playing two software programs performing  a repetitive task, I feel better when I cream them. But, I also feel really silly that I let this go on for so long without figuring out the basic activity taking place over and over.
 
Some years we’re just a little slow, I guess. Maybe chock it up to Covid. “I’m not thinking so straight these days.” Bot me.
​
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