It’s astounding how frequently we flip through decisions. If you don’t, you paralyze yourself.
So much information hits us in so many different ways, that you must make instantaneous judgments. Otherwise, you are overwhelmed.
A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine showed me a new web site he finds amusing. He whipped through a couple of videos, found the one he wanted to access, and clicked it on. It took him a few seconds. He knew where he wanted to go, and eliminated the flotsam quickly. We got to watch the video in seconds.
Speed seems so valuable in today’s world. That’s a driving factor in why we rip through information, scanning and either discarding or keeping.
We make many judgments this way. For example, we decide whether we like a person within seven seconds of meeting the individual, according to social research. That’s not to say you won’t revise your opinion at some point, but the amazing part of that finding is that somehow we assimilate body language, smiles (or frowns), handshakes, clothing, and everything else that oozes out of a person during an initial meeting, and decide, “Hmmm, he seems hip.” Or, “What a whack job.” Or, “He’s an idiot.”
Then we file it away. If we’re smart, we remain open and get to know people better, but I wouldn’t bet on too many people doing that.
Years ago, I remember meeting a woman when we lived in Nebraska. She immediately came across as loud, pushy, abrasive and obnoxious. I was taken aback by her forwardness.
I had to see her occasionally for business reasons, and slowly got to know her better. Those initial qualities were perceived very differently the longer I became familiar with her full personality. She was funny, smart, and caring. But the first impressions took awhile to fade into the background, and make room for our friendship to grow. Funny how that works.
Snap judgments like that happen all the time. I’ve made two good friends recently. In both cases, almost immediately upon meeting them, I liked them. It was a feeling. There is no rational explanation for it. They came across as open, had a willingness to laugh and connected with me in conversation.
Think of the frown. When you meet someone, if he frowns, you are pushed away – it makes you not want to be around that person because you perceive him as unfriendly, unhappy, angry. Who wants to hang out with someone like that? “Oh, hey, Jody, it’s great to see you getting angry and verbally assaulting people. Let’s be friends.” I think not.
But your mind takes you down that path based on your impressions. When you see the frown, you imply that the person will have other qualities that go along with the scowl. That puts you off. Most of us don’t openly embrace someone who displays that body language.
Social media apps live off this “flip decision” mindset. Dating apps, from what I’ve read, have a flip/scan, yes/no decision apparatus. You look and decide whether someone fits your profile in seconds.
Think about how silly that is. The photo or profile is only a snapshot, so you barely have a sense of that individual. You aren’t even seeing him or her face-to-face. Yet you make a decision. “Don’t want to date her.” Weird.
Maybe we should give each other a bit more time before we say yes or no. Sure, use your initial judgment as a guidepost, but stay open, listen, ask some questions, pay attention. If we did that, we’d all increase our friend quotients.
So much information hits us in so many different ways, that you must make instantaneous judgments. Otherwise, you are overwhelmed.
A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine showed me a new web site he finds amusing. He whipped through a couple of videos, found the one he wanted to access, and clicked it on. It took him a few seconds. He knew where he wanted to go, and eliminated the flotsam quickly. We got to watch the video in seconds.
Speed seems so valuable in today’s world. That’s a driving factor in why we rip through information, scanning and either discarding or keeping.
We make many judgments this way. For example, we decide whether we like a person within seven seconds of meeting the individual, according to social research. That’s not to say you won’t revise your opinion at some point, but the amazing part of that finding is that somehow we assimilate body language, smiles (or frowns), handshakes, clothing, and everything else that oozes out of a person during an initial meeting, and decide, “Hmmm, he seems hip.” Or, “What a whack job.” Or, “He’s an idiot.”
Then we file it away. If we’re smart, we remain open and get to know people better, but I wouldn’t bet on too many people doing that.
Years ago, I remember meeting a woman when we lived in Nebraska. She immediately came across as loud, pushy, abrasive and obnoxious. I was taken aback by her forwardness.
I had to see her occasionally for business reasons, and slowly got to know her better. Those initial qualities were perceived very differently the longer I became familiar with her full personality. She was funny, smart, and caring. But the first impressions took awhile to fade into the background, and make room for our friendship to grow. Funny how that works.
Snap judgments like that happen all the time. I’ve made two good friends recently. In both cases, almost immediately upon meeting them, I liked them. It was a feeling. There is no rational explanation for it. They came across as open, had a willingness to laugh and connected with me in conversation.
Think of the frown. When you meet someone, if he frowns, you are pushed away – it makes you not want to be around that person because you perceive him as unfriendly, unhappy, angry. Who wants to hang out with someone like that? “Oh, hey, Jody, it’s great to see you getting angry and verbally assaulting people. Let’s be friends.” I think not.
But your mind takes you down that path based on your impressions. When you see the frown, you imply that the person will have other qualities that go along with the scowl. That puts you off. Most of us don’t openly embrace someone who displays that body language.
Social media apps live off this “flip decision” mindset. Dating apps, from what I’ve read, have a flip/scan, yes/no decision apparatus. You look and decide whether someone fits your profile in seconds.
Think about how silly that is. The photo or profile is only a snapshot, so you barely have a sense of that individual. You aren’t even seeing him or her face-to-face. Yet you make a decision. “Don’t want to date her.” Weird.
Maybe we should give each other a bit more time before we say yes or no. Sure, use your initial judgment as a guidepost, but stay open, listen, ask some questions, pay attention. If we did that, we’d all increase our friend quotients.