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Mr. Paranoia Inducer

2/20/2021

2 Comments

 
Picture
​A good friend of mine is Mr. Paranoia Inducer, among his many other skill sets. He loves to state how things will deconstruct, break down, blow up, fall apart, burn. He does this partly from a reality-based perspective and partly for humor.
 
“Oh, you have big icicles hanging from your gutters? Your roof is probably going to cave in next week.” Those types of statements.

Not knowing anything about roofs, you believe him, because he’s an engineer and should have expertise on building structures. What’s the result from his statement?
 
You try to ignore him, realize he’s poking fun, but then go to yourself, “What if he’s right? What if our roof collapses from all the snow and one of our dogs is underneath and gets smothered?


What happens next? Paranoia creeps into your life. ALL you can think about is the f…..cking roof collapsing. You go to bed thinking those dastardly thoughts and you wake up wondering whether you should go into the front room of the house to see if it dropped two feet of snow on the dogs snout.
 
Recently, Mr. Paranoia Inducer cackled maniacally to himself as he informed me about the potential for an electrical fire in our house, which, of course, would burn our place to the ground in my imagination as I sweated all night like a marathon runner sprinting through the Amazon forest. We had tripped circuit breakers several times with the recent cold snap encasing the northern part of the U.S.
 
He made sure to apply confusing language that he knew I wouldn’t understand to obfuscate and baffle because I know next to nothin about electrical components. Using big words that very few people know is a good way to do this, and he is a master.
 
He’d combine two or three of those technical terms in a row until I started to teeter, wondering if I could avoid brain overload. Then he closed me out with, “You probably have condensation in an outlet causing the circuit breakers to trip. That could cause an electrical fire.”
 
Thanks so much, buddy. Now I can’t sleep at night.
 
He kind of knows what he’s talking about. That’s the problem with people who make statements along these lines. They sound professional and knowledgeable. You respect them. What he says makes sense. You don’t know any better.
 
So, you trust his perspective. “Damn, that makes sense what he said. I better go check that condensation.” BBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ as you get a shock from the outlet cuz you’re doing something you shouldn’t be.
 
Being an engineer by trade gives Mr. Paranoia Inducer a leg up on most people he knows. At every cocktail party, he has a strong opportunity to terrify people with his statements.
“Oh, that tick in your engine? It probably means your starter is on the fritz. With all this cold weather, you wouldn’t want to get stranded, so you better check it out immediately.” Uh, okay.
 
“You used Gorilla Glue to seal that hole? Why did you do that?” The open-ended nature of Mr. Paranoia Inducer’s statement means he has you on the ropes, because you have to ask him further questions to clarify his comment, and then he gets to scare you more.
 
I’m sure he smiles inside all the time, bemused, and proud of his ability to needle people. We call that term “yooxing” around, and yes, he’s the champion.

2 Comments
Steve Lyne
2/22/2021 01:52:39 pm

at my age 85, it is more about Dr Grim Reaper who goes around spouting medcal jargon all of which ends up with someone breing dead.

Reply
John Davis
2/23/2021 04:43:15 am

Happy Birthday Dave!

Reply



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