Dos Equis beer does a number of commercials with a guy pretending to be the most interesting man in world. This got me and two friends thinking recently, almost always a situation that leads to weird and outlandish ideas. We decided we should come up with a tongue-in-cheek “Most Exciting Man in the World” award. To win it, you have to demonstrate how mundane your life is.
Really, we should name it the “Most Boring Man in the World” award. But that would be boring. So we’ll stick with our exciting title and just demonstrate how boring we all really are.
Contestant number one lists his qualifications: 1) He straightened out the garage the previous weekend, sweeping and washing the cement floor so it sparkled. 2) He took the recycling down to the recycling station, then cleaned the buckets out, before taking the 197 golf balls he’s found in his backyard and putting them in the washing machine so they look (but don’t act) new. 3) Returning from recycling, he added to the new pile by cracking open a few beers and slapping mosquitoes while sitting out front watching and commenting on his neighbor painting his house, “Hey Herb, you missed a spot there.”
Our second contestant got super excited over the weekend. He power washed the north facing side of his house. Doing more than one side is out of the question, but he got rid of all that dirt, mold and grime and felt like a new man after that. It didn’t even take the entire Saturday afternoon, so he had time left for a nap and a margarita before dinner.
The third contestant is a yard guy – cutting, trimming, raking, planting, weeding. His most recent escapades include edging around his garden and deploying new toxic materials to eliminate weeds. Previously, he’d attempted to kill the bad stuff with a vinegar spray, touted by friends, but that failed, so it was back to the poison. He mowed his yard and composted the clippings. He trimmed the hedges. He mulched the front flower area. He grilled a big steak and ate it, too.
Some contestants are pleased just to do something simple, like contestant number 4. He was happy to replace the line in his weed eater. Most times, he seeks advice or has his wife take on the task. But to keep his exciting weekend on track, he undertook the massive task of pulling off the weed eater head, cutting some line, wrapping it properly, then sliding enough line out of the cutting end to ensure it would actually chop down weeds, before re-inserting the cap. Then he drank a lot of beer and watched two episodes of “The Blacklist.”
Contestant number 5 decided to do something different with his life. He read a book and sat in his backyard. Rather than watch sports on TV, he decided it was such a nice day that he should go outside instead and sit there to enjoy the weather and improve his mind by reading. He felt better afterwards, and cooked a gourmet meal for his wife.
There are many other ways the contestants found to be exciting – taking dogs to a new dog park; trying a different restaurant with your spouse and ranking it afterwards; preparing for a mini-triathlon; chopping firewood; riding your bike into town instead of driving your car. If you think about it, anyone can be exciting. Get out there and try something new. And stop being so boring.
Really, we should name it the “Most Boring Man in the World” award. But that would be boring. So we’ll stick with our exciting title and just demonstrate how boring we all really are.
Contestant number one lists his qualifications: 1) He straightened out the garage the previous weekend, sweeping and washing the cement floor so it sparkled. 2) He took the recycling down to the recycling station, then cleaned the buckets out, before taking the 197 golf balls he’s found in his backyard and putting them in the washing machine so they look (but don’t act) new. 3) Returning from recycling, he added to the new pile by cracking open a few beers and slapping mosquitoes while sitting out front watching and commenting on his neighbor painting his house, “Hey Herb, you missed a spot there.”
Our second contestant got super excited over the weekend. He power washed the north facing side of his house. Doing more than one side is out of the question, but he got rid of all that dirt, mold and grime and felt like a new man after that. It didn’t even take the entire Saturday afternoon, so he had time left for a nap and a margarita before dinner.
The third contestant is a yard guy – cutting, trimming, raking, planting, weeding. His most recent escapades include edging around his garden and deploying new toxic materials to eliminate weeds. Previously, he’d attempted to kill the bad stuff with a vinegar spray, touted by friends, but that failed, so it was back to the poison. He mowed his yard and composted the clippings. He trimmed the hedges. He mulched the front flower area. He grilled a big steak and ate it, too.
Some contestants are pleased just to do something simple, like contestant number 4. He was happy to replace the line in his weed eater. Most times, he seeks advice or has his wife take on the task. But to keep his exciting weekend on track, he undertook the massive task of pulling off the weed eater head, cutting some line, wrapping it properly, then sliding enough line out of the cutting end to ensure it would actually chop down weeds, before re-inserting the cap. Then he drank a lot of beer and watched two episodes of “The Blacklist.”
Contestant number 5 decided to do something different with his life. He read a book and sat in his backyard. Rather than watch sports on TV, he decided it was such a nice day that he should go outside instead and sit there to enjoy the weather and improve his mind by reading. He felt better afterwards, and cooked a gourmet meal for his wife.
There are many other ways the contestants found to be exciting – taking dogs to a new dog park; trying a different restaurant with your spouse and ranking it afterwards; preparing for a mini-triathlon; chopping firewood; riding your bike into town instead of driving your car. If you think about it, anyone can be exciting. Get out there and try something new. And stop being so boring.